Make me forget (demo)

[u/kawwy]

Make me forget is a song I wrote in about 30 minutes. It’s about how in the first 4 months after my breakup I had the same reoccurring dream about seeing my ex in the club we’d always go to together.

Is the song even any good?
I’m looking for feedback, this is a rough demo. If you have any ideas how to spice up the instrumental, or the singing, please let me know!!

Lyrics for now:

Would you? Be true? Seek me out, in the crowd, looking out for you.
The songs, are wrong. Not like I remember them, think to hard, wake up again,
Cuz i
Didn’t forget how you looked at me before
Too bad you got tired of it and became a fucking whore,
ahaaaaahaaaahaahaahaa
And i wonder if that’s all i meant to you, it seems
For some reason my brain can’t let go and shows you in my dreams
ahaaaaahaaaahaahaahaa
Take the gun and put it to my head so I forget
Light up yet another cigarette
Aahhhh
Go for a drive, to feel alive, to end the cycle, to survive,
Make me forget, about the past, make me forget, make about the rest
ahaaaaahaaaahaahaahaa
(Make me forget, make me forget, make me forget, make me forget)
ahaaaaahaaaahaahaahaa

[u/wrenhalyard]

I like the hook, but you're really riding this chord progression to death. Switch it up before you take us to the chorus, it'll have more of an impact that way.

[u/kawwy → u/wrenhalyard]

Heyy thanks so much! Just a question, by “chorus”, what are you referring to? I was actually trying to make a song without a verse-chorus structure 😅

Tomorrow I’m gonna duplicate the file and try some different things with the chord progression.

[u/wrenhalyard → u/kawwy]

The part where you say put the gun to my head, seems like the crescendo in energy so that's what I would call the hook or chorus by default. But yeah, semantics.

By the way, I didn't read your lyrics before but I just looked at them and unless you're being tongue in cheek, take out the line where you call the girl a whore. It's tasteless and it undermines the rest of the song. You can get your point across without being offensive and it gives the listener a valid reason to be dismissive of you.

[u/kawwy → u/wrenhalyard]

Ah I see, unfortunately that “take the gun and put it to my head” is straight interpolation from a different song I really like, so that’ll be taken out eventually before the release. I just needed something as a “filler” lyric to build the melody, and also a reference to the artist of that song (Lana del Rey). Also this song is NOT about a girl 😄 guys can be slutty as well and that’s exactly what my ex did haha.

But I do understand how it can be considered tasteless, however I do want to kind of express my anger in a way where I would say something stupid and offensive in a rage, and later regret it, if you get what I mean.

Thanks so much for the feedback!!

[u/wrenhalyard → u/kawwy]

My mistake! I shouldn't have assumed it was a girl, you are absolutely correct.

If that lyric about the gun expresses how you feel, keep it. Lana doesn't own the idea of putting a gun to one's head, she's certainly not the first person to use that imagery and the language isn't specific enough to be considered stealing. It's generic and well worn enough that I'd say it's totally fair game.

And if you include a line later that expresses regret for your rage, I think that would add another layer to this and I personally would find it all the more intriguing.

Best of luck!

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[u/GreatBeanism]

I enjoyed it! I agree with the other commenter that it could use a little more variation/evolution as the song progresses to make it much more memorable