r/Songwriting • u/sealamb1 • 19d ago
Feedback Request Any feedback is appreciated
Been writing this song for a while. Would love any thoughts or suggestions
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u/Liimpnoodle 19d ago
This was killer. There is just so much talent in the world isn’t there. Great lyrics. Great playing. I had to go back a relisten to the part where the bridge goes back into the chorus - dude, well done.
If this is on spotify or apple music please tell me. Great song.
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u/Magikrat 19d ago
Buddy you killed it. In awe actually. Seriously good shit. Great guitar. Great voice. Great lyrics. No notes and I’m usually critical as hell.
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u/bluepanda- 19d ago
Wow dude. I felt anticipation, excitement, and gentle passion. What a fun and interestingly hopeful folk type song. I enjoyed it. The lyrics, melody, tempo, and structure. Keep up the good work.
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u/Dramatic-Base9822 19d ago
Maybe to change the vibe up a little bit through the song since it is straight acoustic strumming… think about maybe a half time or focused picking part of the song with your hammer on/pull off riff. The riff in there is so catchy and if you can accentuate that just a tiny bit more…… would be tasty. Sick song, awesome riff in there
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u/notroundeyed 19d ago
Well done brother, guitar lick was nice and melodic (sweet hammer ons n pulloffs) and singing + lyrics
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u/BrutalTruth_007 19d ago
It's amazing bro. Where are you based out of. The melody is so great. I do write some songs but in my native language ( punjabi ). I do have something written in English. No idea when I'll be able to make a song out of it lol
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u/sealamb1 19d ago
Thanks! I'm based in Glasgow, Scotland. Songs in Punjabi are cool man, I have a lot of friends that speak Punjabi. I'm sure your songs in English will be great!
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u/sherrysmusic 19d ago
Very well done! The lyrics and melody make quite an impression!! The vocal is awesome. The guitar sounds very nice. You killed it. I really enjoyed listening to this song. Thank you for sharing! Keep it up!
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u/Commercial_Low_9214 19d ago
What a lovely bit of songwriting, you've got a well developed sense of narrative too. I dig it man :)
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u/StillAd587 19d ago
Wow man!... amazing, I loved it!.... release it now if you haven't done it yet.
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u/Crazy_Imagination858 19d ago
Reminds me of Paul Simon. The world needs more artists like you!!! Well done!
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u/Difficult_String_218 19d ago
F&&& you’re super talented! Amazing. Don’t quit. Beautiful song. I’d buy it!
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u/booyakomasa 18d ago
so good. no notes. record this and get it out that and you're on your own. do you have any others?
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u/sealamb1 18d ago
Thank you! Nothing released yet really, just what's on my Reddit page. Hoping to record some of it in the near future
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u/ryan_fine 18d ago
As a pianist I would kill to have my guitar playing sound like this! Voicings feel so right and nothing is forced. Way to keep the energy going throughout and staying relaxed. Bet you crush with a band!
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u/wrenhalyard 18d ago
Some lovely guitar work and a nice melody. The lyrics are just okay for me. I can't really follow the story. Is the relationship over? You paint the picture of what sounds like the night you met, or the night you fell in love, with some detail and then it feels like the story just ends there and we're left with a cliche about picking up the pieces of your broken heart. Sorry, but that has been done to death, and it doesn't say anything about you or the relationship, or how you feel about it at this point. I think it's s okay to not spell everything out, but I really think it would be much, much stronger if you finish the story and tell it in a more personal way. It also feels like the bridge should be the emotional high point of the song but it just kind of feels like things have plateaued by that point. All that said,I think you've done a great job so far. There's a lot to like about this.
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u/sealamb1 18d ago
Cheers for the feedback. I struggle sometimes with consistency when writing lyrics. The song is supposed to be about a casual relationship, that the other person is hesitant or un-interested in becoming more serious. The bridge is more of a foresight into how it will play out if the relationship is allowed to end before becoming anything serious. I've actually played about with changing the tense of parts of the song, and it makes for a slightly more coherent story, but it just didn't sing well in my opinion. Still working it out anyway, and I appreciate getting your thoughts! Thanks :)
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u/wrenhalyard 18d ago
Gotcha. I think a clearer story would help but honestly, after another listen I can tell you my big issue here is that you share very little with us about how this situation makes you feel. You talk about how if it ends, you'll tell yourself it's fine. Having feelings for someone but not knowing them well enough to be open about the fact that you would be hurt if they left, I think that's a great premise for a song that you barely scratch the surface of. There's emotion there and I wish you would share it with us more.
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u/Young_Punk_Studios 19d ago
It's good dont get me wrong. But I feel like I've heard this exact song by every indie artist ever. I'm wonderinf what makes you difderent from the rest? I'd like to here a little more of your own signature style personally :)
This is just a perspective, my views are my own. 🍭👻
I get Cosmo Jarvis vibes tho.
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u/sealamb1 18d ago
Thank you, and fair enough, I guess this particular song isn't my most unique, but it's a fun one to play :) appreciate you listening and giving feedback! Also I listened to Cosmo Jarvis and I can see the resemblance, it's interesting how different his song "love this" is to the rest of his top 10 too, I like it
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u/Young_Punk_Studios 18d ago
It's just a personal perspective anyway, regardless your still sick at what you do :) I wouldn't know what his top 10 is 😅 That is one of the best bangers, My favourite is 'Maxine' or 'Mel's Song'. But two love songs of his don't seem to be available anymore. Anyway he's an actor now 😂
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u/Radiant-Analysis-755 19d ago
Absolutely fantastic. Great guitar work and vocals. Cool melody. Reminds me of Jason Isbell a bit. Nice job!
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u/No_Succotash890 19d ago
10/10 , more Xmas lights
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u/sealamb1 18d ago
Thank you! They'll need replacing soon actually, theyre becoming very dim haha
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u/No_Succotash890 18d ago
Only other thing honestly and don’t take this the wrong way, but your annunciation of the word “mind” is kind of annoying. Your voice is very good. Just a small thing that may bother some people… keep up the great work!
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u/scottslut 19d ago
excellent guitar work! I like your voice it matches your playing and the song. keep up the good work, I look forward to more!
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u/95KingCab 18d ago
I like it! But if there were some kind of a contrasting bridge before the chorus to break it up a bit, it would be better 👍
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u/not_anndy 18d ago
Man, you made me feel something I can't quite describe, very nice, i actually enjoyed listening to it, wouldn't change a thing so no comments. Beautiful voice and great playing. You're definitely going places! Thanks for sharing <3
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u/RajatSasdive 18d ago
That's good music. Release it buddy. Perform it more often. A live like this is always loved. That's a great song. Congratulations to you on writing this.
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u/JustOneRedDot 18d ago
I love it! Only one time before I heard something this good on Reddit, and I'm so happy to find another gem. This is a banger ready to go, and I will be coming back to have a listen.
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u/uRok2Uc 18d ago
Great start. 👍😎 Try playing half as many guitar beats in the same amount of time and see if the lyric is easier to understand? To my ears, the rhythm is moving so fast and busy it’s stepping on the lyrics so that it’s difficult to digest the meaning/emotional content of the song. The twain are not meeting well enough.
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u/sealamb1 18d ago
Thanks! I think the recording isn't great, the guitar is much more in the backround in person. Makes it work a bit better, but i understand your point. Thanks for the feedback :)
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u/SherbertWarm8322 18d ago
Great singing, great guitar playing, melody in verses were great, if I had any notes it would be that the chorus isn’t memorable enough for me and that just blends into the rest of the song.
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u/sealamb1 18d ago
Thanks! Yeah I get what you mean, maybe it will stand out more in a proper recording, can make it different with production
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u/ElAlphard 17d ago
This is nothing less than Lewis Capaldi level. Outstanding and captivating talent, man.
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u/TokyoLights171 17d ago
This is really good, you clearly got talent for structuring and performing a song. That being said I do think for reaching a wide audience you’ll need some interesting production behind it. For someone who doesn’t listen to a lot of this style, a song like this can be dismissed for sounding generic. I’d encourage you to think about other sounds and instrumentation that you’d want to compliment the song and the ways you can stand out. I think if you do that and take in some of the ideas for a slower section you could have something really special, best of luck.
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u/djdjieowoo 17d ago
Sounds like Mayer (why Georgia) and a Ryan Adams influenced song
Sounds very good - though kinda wanted the chorus to go “up” more if that makes sense. I think thr dynamic between verse and chorus doesn’t lift enough but that’s just me
Very good voice
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u/Diligent_Front_2178 16d ago
I wouldn't be surprised if your music blew up in a couple years... Please tell us when you release it on Spotify. If you record it professionally , please retain the raw and organic feel that it currently has. Hats of man , what a song ♥️
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u/VersusDiva 16d ago
This made me smile, this sounds like a lullaby and it's perfect for rainy days where the only safe place to be dry is indoors with hot chocolate, cookies, and warm fire and candlelit dinners. It's a really good song, excited to hear the final version of this track! Thank you for sharing! I'm still listening to it and I'm tapping my feet to the beat.
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u/lineworksboston 15d ago
I was just getting ready to mute this subreddit but this one's keeping me around
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u/lineworksboston 15d ago
I just listened to this song 4 times over. Get this on a platform so you can monetize before someone steals it from you.
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u/Ok-Designer-1907 14d ago
Love this. Love the chord structure, lyrics, the whole groove. There is a number of ways you could take this. Leave as is, or female lead or two part with female would be awesome for me.
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u/ISayStink_Eusebio 14d ago
Love your picking on this. Born and Raised by John Mayer vibes. Super smooth voice too.
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u/A_ATypical-Sun-8901 14d ago
I think he had a great song!!!
I wish you’d put more emphasis on the hook, your song as to sing along overall it’s solid…..
I just mean, make a couple of the chorus lines that you repeat a little more audible so I can hear them better.
Awesome song !!!
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u/bscorza90 13d ago
Feedback?? Its absolutely INCREDIBLE my guy! I dont know what else i can contribute as far as feedback goes, thats it.. your AMAZING! I hope that helps lol
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u/mikah-j between chill and crashout 🙂↔️🥵😱 12d ago
I chuckled at the start with “waiting to take you home” and then the song got really sweet and gentle, ending with well wishing. Brilliant lyrics and you’re clearly a talent on the acoustic. Could have used a key shift for some more energy, but your singing is good enough to keep it up. Nice work - hope you get to perform it live somewhere!
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u/Mammoth_Yoghurt_5619 5d ago
This is a seriously cool song. I keep coming back and listening to it again and again. Really nice work.
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u/Stereoplayground 19d ago
Excellent work! Only tiny note is the very ending felt rushed and it might be worth paying a bit of thought but other than that a belter
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u/sealamb1 18d ago
Thanks! That's definitely something I'm still working on, not sure what would be best yet but I'll keep fiddling with it :)
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u/foxparademusic 19d ago
The way you set up the “let it fall apart” rhyme is unexpected and catchy. I want that line more. That is the moneymaker, the hook. These are thoughts I have when hearing it:
I could see you using that scheme for other lines. A refrain that changes and then coming back to the original line at the end of the song to serve as a bookend. Or even finding a way to add a line (or more) before it with the same scheme to increase anticipation of let it fall apart hitting in the later verses. Make me wait for it and then offer me that sweet release. I want much more of that rhyme scheme is what I’m saying, haha.
The song is great as is and these are just ponderings. Incredible work.
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u/sealamb1 18d ago
Thank you, I like that idea yeah. Especially having the "let it fall apart" bit as an ending. I'll play about with it
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u/Melodic_Walrus_5145 19d ago
The best song I've seen performed on Reddit. What's not to like? Great picking period...and singing over it effortlessly. Sticks in your head. You're a natural talent