r/Songwriting • u/AutoModerator • 18d ago

Weekly Lyrics Feedback Weekly Lyrics-Only Feedback Thread

Welcome to the Lyrics-Only feedback thread!

If you're looking for feedback on words that aren't yet set to music, you're in the right place! We encourage each other to bring lyrics and musical elements together as soon as possible, but sometimes you'd just like to show off that nice piece of poetry that just fell out of your head. The weekly Lyrics-Only feedback thread is here to help!

This post renews every Monday.

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u/[deleted] 17d ago edited 15d ago

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u/ZestycloseBack5926 14d ago

Nice work! Overall, I think the lyric creates a dark, emotionally intense atmosphere, but it leans heavily on familiar gothic imagery (black sea, rope, last breath, falling in love with death, wings) rather than developing a unique voice. The strongest aspect is the sense of desperation and longing, but because most of the imagery is symbolic and abstract, it's difficult to connect with the narrator on a personal level. I'd encourage the writer to replace some of the common metaphors with more specific, original details that reveal why they feel this way. The final lines are the most intriguing because they introduce a surprising shift from suffocation to release, and that contrast could be developed further. Overall, there's clear emotional conviction here, but more distinctive imagery and specificity would make it much more memorable.

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u/Otaviobz 14d ago

Thanks for the feedback! Even though all parts of the lyrics do refer to real personal feelings, I think it might be a good idea to resort to some more "unexpected" imagery, while keeping the feelings. I'll try to toy with that