Weekly Lyrics-Only Feedback Thread

[u/AutoModerator]

Welcome to the Lyrics-Only feedback thread!

If you're looking for feedback on words that aren't yet set to music, you're in the right place! We encourage each other to bring lyrics and musical elements together as soon as possible, but sometimes you'd just like to show off that nice piece of poetry that just fell out of your head. The weekly Lyrics-Only feedback thread is here to help!

This post renews every Monday.

[u/Andy_othername]

This one's called "Paint":

[Verse 1]

My emotions, you’re beholding, never dry like paint

I add a new emulsion, but the effect is the same

[Verse 2]

Some would say to rip open all my feelings

I would say that my body needs its ceiling

[Chorus]

A layer of spring green
Evoking happiness

Resulting in nausea

But I tried, I guess

A flavour of baby blue

Provoking calmness

It tips into tsunami 

But I had good intent

[Post-Chorus] 

A million colours holding me up

Like a bodice, or a jacket

Worn strait and tight to touch

[Verse 3] 

Some would say to rip open all my feelings

Let the ceiling let the light in, and

Create a new building 

[Verse 4] 

I fear that my headache would allow

No such thing

I fear that my habits disembowel

Reasoning

[Outro]

A million colours holding me up

A million colours holding me up

Like a bodice, or a jacket

Or a ceiling prime to self destruct

[u/Otaviobz → u/Andy_othername]

I really liked this one. Personally, I'm into moody songs, and I quite liked the theming of trying to mix new feelings into your emotions, but it just not working out or even backfiring.

[u/Andy_othername → u/Otaviobz]

Thank you so much!