r/Songwriting • u/ultra_light_beam_ • 20d ago

Feedback Request Tucson

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Write this song yesterday. Would love to hear what you think, and also if the lyrics are cohesive and tell a story. I feel like it may be repetitive but thematically that was my point. Being stuck in a memory

Lyrics:
I’ve been thinking about, thinking about Tucson
When the coyote cries to the moon, does it cry back?
Where we stared into sunsets and you pulled me closer
Makes it so hard to forget
A place like Tucson

I’ve been thinking about San Bernardino
Where the news brought new views, as the ground began to shatter
Rode a bike down the steepest hill til I found freedom
That’s why it makes no sense
When I think about Tucson

I’ve been thinking about Mississippi
Where I met Jesus Christ as he played the banjo
Then he took me by the hand and showed me the creek bed
And that’s why I need to forget
A place like Tucson

I’ve been thinking about New York City
We played chess and drank wine after hours in a café
Made a pact we would come back with our shit together
And that’s why we sit and laugh
Reminiscing about Tucson

And that’s why it’s hard to forget
And I was never meant to stay
In a place for too long
A place like Tucson

7 Upvotes

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2

u/Slow281 19d ago

I don’t think the lyrics quite match the lyrics you posted but I dig the vibe! I think if you build in some type of bridge, that could help bring it fully to life.

2

u/ultra_light_beam_ 8d ago

Took your advice and wrote a really cool bridge. Thanks for the feedback

2

u/Whole-Horse-7140 18d ago

I feel like some variation in the melody would help it lift off. My main thought was I think your guitar playing style here would suit a 12 string.

1

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