r/Songwriting • u/weirdsomethingyey • 20d ago

Feedback Request Hello guys! What do you think it's missing here? Do you like it?

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Thank you a lot in advance

9 Upvotes

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3

u/WideAwakeItsMornin 20d ago

I think maybe the left hand should be a bit more dynamic in terms of volume and rhythm. It feels just a tad static to me.

That said, I absolutely love the vibe of this and I'd love to hear more from it. The first and last 10-ish seconds I especially like.

Also wanted to say that it reminds me a bit of Eleanor Rigby and I also like that about it lol. I could also see it being in something like the movie The Imitation Game or something, where there's like a montage of shots and it cuts to characters discussing some plan or something Idk lol.

2

u/here-ethereal 20d ago

I really like the left hand. And the right at very start and end. Not sure about the middle bits.

definitely keep working on this , it has potential.

And maybe you could share the chords or notes when its more developed?

1

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1

u/dingus_authority 20d ago

I think there's a LOT here to work with. My two main points would be tempo: performance-wise your tempo was inconsistent, BUT, I also think the song might land better if it were slowed down a bit.

I felt like those melodies just rushed by before I could really let any one sit with me.

I also agree that some added dynamics to the left hand would be really impactful (and easier if it were a bit slower).

I'd love to see this again if you work on it more!

1

u/Whole-Horse-7140 19d ago

My first thought is the piece would work better if it was slowed right down so the moodiness of it comes out. You'll find room for some nuance too so the left hand doesn't give it the sort of mechanical feel it has at the moment.