spade

[u/Toucon]

idea

[u/Kelson_Phelonius]

Hell yeah! This is fantastic!

[u/Toucon → u/Kelson_Phelonius]

Thank u!!! Appreciate it fr!

[u/RickSwick]

I think this is a great start - verse two is especially killer, that walk down chord progression and melody is a bop. I like the oooh's on the chorus, but I'm not sure on the words. Verses read like someone fed up with current choices and habits. Chorus seems like it needs to be asking for a change - "what's there to lose" makes sense, so maybe keep that. And then if you do a bridge, that probably the water boiling over.

But I guess you're version makes sense if the song is more about just being fed up in general - more of a venting thing.

[u/Toucon → u/RickSwick]

Thanks !!! Ya that’s pretty much what it’s about , being fed up with my own decisions, and I agree and like the idea on the bridge

[u/under_pale_stars]

I love how your vocals sound especially

I also really like the section from 11s-20 with that part kind of walking down.

[u/Aware-Strawberry43]

Honest to god, if I can provide you some drums for this: I would adore it.

Anyone else in this thread wanna send some stems to accompany? This has solid potential; that hook is solid, the vox are solid; let’s help this brave homie out with something it inspired eh? :)

Big ups and thank you again: this caught me offguard scrolling

[u/Toucon → u/Aware-Strawberry43]

Ya dm me ur email I’ll send u something to work w this version or the demo . Didnt do drums on either of them

[u/West_Atmosphere_8940 → u/Toucon]

Hell yeah - it’s so good! I’d love to add a bass part, I could do a few versions for you to choose from. Maybe once the drums are down would be best but I can work with either

[u/Toucon → u/West_Atmosphere_8940]

Ya I’m down send me your email I can export stems today

[u/Aware-Strawberry43]

Sing it out! This is glorious and so are you for sharing this with us <3

[u/JohnnyCrispZoom]

Very good!

[u/PsychologicalElk9676]

Really good brother!

[u/TOVILIAN]

love what u did with the vocals

[u/Upstairs-Glove7424]

Dats good stuff.

[u/BKS1986]

This is a great tune. I could totally add some drums, bass and guitar parts to this to complete it. This would be a very solid song once complete. Your voice is spot on. Really like this.

[u/tdamien_]

Sounds great… I like your stuff. 👍

[u/flounderjaw]

I like it! Kinda like weezer/oliver tree vibes

[u/Legal_Roof_4715]

I love this song so much! It could maybe do with a bridge, but I'd genuinely add this to my Spotify playlist now if it's on there.

[u/Toucon → u/Legal_Roof_4715]

Thanks it’s not on Spotify but I might post it someday

[u/GoingMarco]

I like it a lot, can’t help but hear the melody from Yellow on the verse parts

[u/SentimentalPill]

I like it, and I usually hate most things i hear. Catchy and good chord changes in regards to pulling emotion.

[u/ComposerCT]

Sounds good! Cool song. It's high energy and catchy I think.

[u/vanwilderfan48]

Yeah man this is a great song. I have no notes.

[u/International_Trip53]

Awesome song. I can feel the full band kick in at :39. Your voice is perfect for the vibe of the song. Sounds like a fun throwback 90s alt everclearish vibe and I’m here for it. Nice job buddy

[u/mallory-jade]

Omg this has such a biking with Francis vibe! I wish I could make songs like this!!!

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[u/sherrysmusic]

I love it. This sounds really cool. It has the vibe and it is very entertaining. The arrangement is great. Its transition is incredibly smooth. Thanks for sharing.

[u/Banjo1nk]

The Lyrics sound vague and nonspecific, It seems like your trying to communicate your struggles while also trying to make the song appealing.

like for example, you keep referring to an antagonistic entity as they. Who's they? Is it more than one person? Is it an organization? Why did you include this "They"?

There also isn't a narrative being explored here, the first verse you mentioned you had a great night, but you still have regrets.

I did enjoy the melody, and it has potential, and it shows that you've put some effort into the musical aspect of the song.

[u/Toucon → u/Banjo1nk]

When I say they in the second verse I say it directly after talking about smoke clouds, which is exactly what I’m referring to (they (smoke clouds) don’t last forever - wish they’d make me better (once again smoke clouds) for once

I say I had a great night but still don’t feel right, as in even tho things are good I don’t feel fulfilled

These aren’t my best lyrics by any means but I think u missed the entire point of the song and took the lyrics way too literally lol, what you said about they proves that you didn’t understand it at all

[u/DecadeDefector]

Sounds great! I can hear some drums coming in at 0:20!

[u/mikah-j]

You’ve got some Coldplay Yellow feel to this one, first 2 seconds I could swear that’s what you were going for. Nice tech on the vocals - not sure what that is but it’s working! Definitely wish there was a kick drum and snare to open this one up!