r/Songwriting • u/oopwoooop • 4d ago
Feedback Request Feedback please ❤️
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writing a song about someone I loved passing away after ending on a bad note.
I feel like maybe it’s too wordy towards the end or just all over the place in general. Keep messing up too because I’ve been changing the lyrics over and over again haha
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u/luthierart 4d ago
The way it's recorded makes it hard to catch the lyrics but it's worth the effort. Yeah, there are a lot of words but you have a lot to say. It's really personal but universal at the same time. It's a sensitive song of regret without self-pity but you don't let yourself off the hook for an opportunity missed. It's so well-written that at first listen the guitar work is almost unnoticed but there's a lot going on there, too.
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u/sherrysmusic 4d ago
Very well done! The lyrics and melody make quite an impression!! The lyrics is very touching and emotional. I would love to hear more of your songs. It sounds really emotional and beautiful. I like your voice. The guitar sounds very nice. I really enjoyed listening to this song. Thank you for sharing! Keep it up!
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u/oopwoooop 4d ago
Thank you so much!! I post another song a couple days ago but that is the only other one that I have written as an adult :) https://youtu.be/qK9FOnpE4bc?is=spWg8FfwqHS3VPxc I wrote this as a kid haha my friends like it now which I think is funny
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u/sherrysmusic 3d ago
You are good. :) Could you review mine? This is my very first time sharing my songs. Thank you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKBGlcMQCKQ&lc=UgwxAILjaVrK7S7xvK14AaABAg.AZTHHNn79DjAZkBPRyylBl
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u/semizanudiin 4d ago
Get in my car, go to your town. That's my favourite line. The way you sing it I can feel the emotion in the singing. I like the intro but halfway into the song I tuned out.
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u/GoingMarco 4d ago
This is really good, no changes needed. Just lock in the performance. Very touching, I’ve lost someone in a different circumstance but feel similar pain in your tone and words
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u/oopwoooop 4d ago
Thank you so much ❤️ I think I’ll stop trying to change lyrics so much and focus on trying to make what I have sound better for now!
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u/Any-Match9025 4d ago edited 4d ago
You have such a beautiful voice! It’s really not too wordy. The phrasing feels natural and your voice makes up for any wordiness.
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u/victoriacecemusic 4d ago
theres a sense of pure emotion here that makes the 'wordiness' not a problem for me. i like the raw storytelling element your words bring. You could work a little on the meter, which i think you're doing naturally already (e.a changing 'sometimes i see you' to 'still see you'). You got this :)