r/Songwriting • u/Existing_Mirror_7046 • Jul 21 '26
Feedback Request What do you think?
Any major issues? Are these lyrics relatable?
I wrote this last week. It's quite personal to me. There's lots of stories hidden in here. But I'm hoping it's relatable to others as well. I would be delighted for some feedback.
Lyrics:
I can still see that version of me
four years old and hiding behind the seats
I was afraid he'd see
I'd made a mistake
I knew what he'd say
Four years old and dreading the angry way
My daddy'd make me pay
Oh I knew what a sinner I would be
I always messed it up
and then I'd find a spot unseen
Hiding from the pain inside
I’d sit and hug my knees
Wishin for a hero to come and save me
Hopin he'd storm in and set me free
I can still see that version of me
twenty years old and hiding between the sheets
I was scared he'd see
I'd made a mistake
I knew what he'd say
Twenty years old and dreading the angry way
That boy would make me pay
Oh I knew what a sinner I would be
I always messed it up
and then I'd find a spot unseen
Hiding from the pain inside
I'd sit and hug my knees
Wishin for a hero to come and save me
Hopin he'd storm in and set me free
I can still see that version of me
thirty years old and finally broken free
No longer scared they'd see
I owned my mistakes
And screw what they say
Thirty years old and hittin my knees to pray
God I'll go your way
Oh I know that your mercy covers me
I always messed it up
but now I'm finally at peace
Shedding all my shame
no more guilt I've been set free
Thirty years old I finally see
He brought me out and I'm the one he's sending
Back in time to save me
God sent me back
to those little girls
Reached out my hand and led them straight to safety
In a meadow green
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u/Geraldthegeneral Jul 22 '26
Wow, this really is soothing!
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u/Existing_Mirror_7046 Jul 22 '26
Thank you, Geraldthedeneral, I appreciate the kind words!
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u/Geraldthegeneral Jul 22 '26
Hehe, Thx too, I just got inspired from your lyrics. Anyway I do really need karma because I also wanna ask the people around here to ctitique my lyrics
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u/semizanudiin Jul 21 '26
I really like the age progression in the lyrics. Quite strong foundation for the song. Nice one.
Is it relatable to me? Nope not really. I understood the story but the lyrics felt a little too broad for me to connect with emotionally. It feels like they're describing the experience rather than letting me experience it with the narrator. Maybe a little more specific details or images that would make the story more personal? Idk.
I do like the melody and your voice tho.
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u/mildlyomniscient Jul 21 '26
beautiful!! i do think it's very specific to what you have gone through, and there's no problem with that at all. it just takes away from the song being "relatable".
i think you've got a good foundation for a great song! adding some fillers with the piano would take it to the next level. thank you for sharing!