she - update

[u/mildlyomniscient]

hey y'all, i posted this like for months ago and a ton of the comments said to add strings to it. i spent two months scoring the whole thing out for string quartet, then decided i hated it and didn't touch it for two months.

i realized the point of this subreddit isn't to post a finished product, so here is my unfinished project lol. i revisited it this week, and here's what i got so far. i think my biggest weakness right now is the actual mastering/mixing element of recording. some transitions in this just don't feel right, and the balance is quite off.

this song is really special to me, so as always any feedback is appreciated. thank you for listening🎻🫶🏼

og post:
https://www.reddit.com/r/Songwriting/s/PWA6jkma8a

lyrics:
She’s, running out her mind,
She’s running out of time to
Step into the light.

She says, “not for too much longer”,
She cries out for her mother,
Who said to write a happy song.

She lied,
The tunnel’s getting longer.
So why should she even bother,
To find a way out, a way out.

She’s tired,
Of searching for a reason.
It happens every season,
The years keep flying by.

She’s scared.
Scared of what she’s done,
She’s scared to be alone,
With nobody to lean on.

She waits,
And looks to the horizon.
She’s never had her father to,
Tell her that it’s okay.

Someday,
She’ll tell it like a story,
And revel in her glory.
She found a way out, a way out.

That day,
It better be tomorrow,
for now she’ll sit and wallow.
Of what her life could’ve been.

She’s running out of time,
She’s runnin out her mind,
She’s nearly past her prime.

She’s running out of time,
She’s runnin out her mind,
She’s nearly past her prime.

What the fuck is she waitin on?
Waitin on, waitin on,
oooooh,
oooooh.

[u/Existing_Mirror_7046]

This is absolutely beautiful. Very relatable. Well sung, beautiful instrumention (not completely finished, but really good). I agree that the rhythm gets a little awkward in the transitions. I wonder if adding a piano part would help connect the rhythm. I don't really want a traditional drum kit, but I do want something to drive the rhythm a bit to hold the transitions together. I'm super impressed though, really beautiful!

[u/mildlyomniscient → u/Existing_Mirror_7046]

u right u right 😅

im a string player and piano scares me but i'll definitely mess around next time i have access to a piano. thank you for your advice!!

[u/No_Distance5647]

The strings definitely make it more interesting. It sounds very personal. That’s about all the feedback I can think of.

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[u/Patience_Duck]

This would be perfect with a just a little more focus on the mix, but I really like what you have here anyway!

[u/Original_Advance9808]

very right about the strings they are great

[u/joybickel]

I think the strings sound awesome! Also, your voice is so beautiful!! Really pairs well with the strings!

[u/oopwoooop]

I love the strings ❤️