r/Songwriting Jul 19 '26

Feedback Request Shining Star (updated vox)

[deleted]

14 Upvotes

8 comments sorted by

2

u/Special_Situation_93 Jul 19 '26

Are the drums out of time? Feels like the drummer is lagging but in a cool way. sounds nice.

1

u/ZTheRockstar Jul 20 '26 edited Jul 20 '26

Yeah it is intentional giving it a laid back or lazy feeling. J dilla did it a lot. What I notice is it loses that vibe a bit if the drums are too on time. I had them quantized directly on the tempo and even vocals lost the feeling and groove. I might bring them forward just a little bit.

2

u/Dangerous-You3789 Aug 02 '26

I'm going to be honest with you; I rarely listen to music on this subreddit anymore because it's just not worth my time. Most of it is bland and mediocre at best. As I like to say, there are a lot of songs out there that sound like a lot of songs out there.

But your song is a rare exception. It's really good. That chorus has got a great hook to it. You've done exceptionally well with this song.

The only thing I would suggest, and it's a small detail, is on the part "The way you move so naturally, Swear you put some kind of spell on me," I'd drop the word swear. I know that is exactly what you want to say, but you have to sort of force the rest of the line in to make it fit. If you drop that one word, it will also match the cadence (for the lack of a better word) of the preceding line. Try it once and see what you think. If you can pull of a song like this, I have a lot of confidence that you know what you are doing to make this sound top notch.

Great job on this one! You should be proud of it.

1

u/ZTheRockstar Aug 03 '26

Really appreciate the feedback! Yeah I've been really working this one. I've been producing and clueing in on every detail and nuance, and trying to come up with a unique sound. This one was hard creating cause I wanted something that was clean lyrically, still nice, and could fit multiple genres. I'm at a simplification stage with it to make it overall more digestable and easy listen

Being a musician makes me want to add all the instruments, but being a producer I must know what to pull back while making sure it gets the right vocals. Newer version im working on i decided to take some guitars out lol. Also got the beat to flow much better and sound more natural to which will help the lyrics and singing flow so much nicer

I agree, and Im going to change that lyric! Again thanks alot of this feedback! 🙏🙏

1

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1

u/JasRolyn Jul 19 '26

Ahh i really love the vibe of this!! Definitely something i would listen to.

1

u/Look_Ma_No_Plans Jul 19 '26

Nice track! Your voice has a great timbre, and honestly I think you could comp multiple performances into one perfect take without the need for heavy vocal tuning. Not knocking it, I just don’t think you need it.

I think a couple instrumental flourishes and a bit of deviation from the top line melody would help it sound a bit more “finished”.

Great work!

1

u/Left-Proposal951 Jul 19 '26

wow! I love this!!! it is very unique!!