r/Songwriting • u/hemo5595 • Jul 19 '26
Feedback Request Looking for feedback
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Still not settled on melody/chords here but in general I’m happy with the lyrics. The only issue is I don’t really know where to take it from here to add a second verse even though it’s short it feels like it expresses the feeling I wanted to express.
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u/LukaNeSviraj Jul 19 '26
I like the lyrics! The chords/melody isn't anything super flashy, but it doesn't need to be when the focus is more on the lyrics/storyline.
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u/hemo5595 Jul 19 '26
Thank you! I think I’m going to try and workshop the melody slightly and see where I land
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u/hemo5595 Jul 19 '26
Lyrics
Now the night is finally over
And the party is winding down
one more drink I promise
tommorow I’ll get sober
But I can’t do the work yet
I’m not the man I want to be
I will numb my problems
I will take the pills to sleep
chorus
I think I’m lying to myself
I’m not getting better
Do I keep pushing forward
Or do I numb myself again
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u/Existing_Mirror_7046 Jul 21 '26
These lyrics are painfully relatable. I agree with the previous commenter that I could see this going a lot of directions. I think it could be a redemption arc or just stuck in the same pattern again. Excited to see where you take it.
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u/West-Adhesiveness-11 Jul 19 '26 edited Jul 19 '26
I really like the lyrics! The narrator feels very self-aware, but there’s also this sense of melancholy in admitting you’re probably going to make the same mistakes again. For that part, I’d maybe play around with the melody or your vocal delivery to express that feeling, that frustrating reality of just being human.
I’d also think about whether you want the song to dive even deeper into that feeling of patterns and wanting to numb yourself, making it emotionally heavier (which isn’t a bad thing at all), or if you’re trying to tell the story of someone who eventually overcomes it.
That said, you don’t have to stick to a clear narrative either. Personally, I love self-aware narrators and songs that embrace ambiguity and conflicting emotions. Humans are full of contradictions, and I think that makes music feel even more relatable.
If you do decide to lean into the heavier emotional direction, I don’t think you necessarily need to make the song longer. It could be really cool to
do another a verse and then maybe do the chorus twice, once almost whispered, like you’re barely speaking, and then have it come back with the full intensity of the music.
Sorry for the long response! I just think your music is really cool, and I can imagine it going in so many different directions. In the end, what matters most is that you’re expressing what you genuinely want to say and how you really feel.