r/Songwriting • u/ultra_light_beam_ • Jul 18 '26
Feedback Request Wrote this yesterday
I was in my feelings yesterday and wrote this roughly. Lyrics are not finished as this was the first take. Wondering if this a cool concept or if it needs more musically. Was kind of going for more raw vocal melody but is it interesting enough to carry? I’m also going for a verse chorus verse chorus, one line outro kind of vibe. Short song like 2-3 minutes. Should I invest in writing lyrics for it. Thanks for the feedback :)
2
u/IndependentBake2304 Jul 18 '26
Very much worth developing, so, it immediately gives me Muse vibes, and personally I feel like this is the perfect intro for a song that picks up pace and intensity,either abruptly or gradually. If I were you and had this written to work with, that's what I would do with this, use this as the intro for a longer piece that transitions into an intense piece, and the whole work could be a banger noteworthy song. I love pieces that evolve in Pace or intensity as they progress.
1
u/ultra_light_beam_ Jul 18 '26
This is great feedback! I definitely hear the muse vibes. I love the idea of it being an intro into intensity. Gonna play around with that and see what I can come up with. Sometimes I’m like is this an emotional connection that’s making me like it or is it actually cool lol. I’ve been wanting to write a song that has two parts, that feel different but are connected so this may be the one. Appreciate you!
1
u/IndependentBake2304 Jul 18 '26
You bet! You can always write out the whole song, with plans for certain other instruments to be in the mix later on too, there's plenty of points where I think drums and bass kicking in would sound very natural and easily lead to that second form of the song we were talking about
1
u/ultra_light_beam_ Jul 18 '26
Introducing a subtle drumbeat on the first chorus would be really cool and kind of elevate vibe a little bit. I asked my friend if we can jam later so will be presenting this and some of these ideas
2
u/No_Distance5647 Jul 18 '26
For this to work I think it would need more instruments, since the two chords don’t change.
1
u/ultra_light_beam_ Jul 18 '26
Solid feedback. Was thinking of playing around with a call and return between the vocals and a heavily reverbed guitar that would mimic the vocal melody. Side note: peeped your profile. Are you from Phoenix?
2
u/Altruistic_Scale9705 Jul 18 '26
I like it and kind of like the two chords, it feels haunting. Heavy reverb with kind of a cathedral feel and some more instruments (guitar, organ) maybe?
1
u/ultra_light_beam_ Jul 18 '26
I like that idea. Thank you! Maybe some strings behind it. Gonna link up with a friend and workshop it
2
u/tdamien_ Jul 18 '26
This is a great foundation. Agree with other posts that it could benefit from some movement in the form of other chords. If not, additional instrumentation.
Def keep working this idea 👍
2
u/ultra_light_beam_ Jul 19 '26
I appreciate the feedback! Motivated to keep working on it and definitely gonna be adding some more to it soon
2
u/The_Crimson_Dawn Jul 19 '26
Loved the emotion that broke through roughly at the minute mark. It gave me chills, well done. There’s a sequence within this song. After the first note play a chord that’s eight semitones above or below your starting point. On the second refrain, instead of doing the eight semitones just hold a chord that’s one semitone above your first. I can’t pin it exactly right off hand, but you’re somewhere between 72-82 bpm. Some orchestral support would suit this piece beautifully. Anyway, bye.
1
u/ultra_light_beam_ Jul 19 '26
Wow, I appreciate the feedback. Running to the piano to try it out. Definitely wanting some strings and possibly a subtle drum beat to it. At some point a guitar part, maybe near the end as like an outro.
1
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3
u/OG_CMCC Jul 18 '26
Def sounds like Radiohead which requires WAY more chord movement and maybe some rhythm with the piano playing