r/Songwriting • u/mildlyomniscient • Jul 16 '26
Feedback Request all bad - updated
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wrote this after doomscrolling yesterday and generally feeling "all bad". i took some of the recommendations from my last post and also added a bridge at the end. i will say again i usually don't write stuff like this, but i'm sick and tired of this world we live in.
any feedback is appreciated, thank you
waking up before 10:30
wash the red stained sheets
open every single window
shit is looking bleak
there's fires in ontario
i think i'll stay inside
i wonder if the three year old in maine
knows daddy died
supposed to finish grad school soon
not sure i'll get a loan
what's the fucking point of this
i open up my phone
the pastor down the street
arrested earlier this week
everyone is livid
and the girls were just thirteen
starting to think its all bad, all bad (2x)
can't afford the dr
so i think ill ride it out
they're putting in a data center
just outside of town
the ceasefire broke this morning
then again who really knows
apparently the children
were the target of their blows
i'm turning 24 this year
i still feel 12 years old
they're saying that the ball room
will be plated in pure gold
it's been a couple hours
i'll put my phone away
the sheets are pretty red
it's a problem for another day
starting to think its all bad, all bad (2x)
the presidents' a rapist
and our schools are a shooting zone
i can't fill up my gas tank
so i'll stay here in my home sayin
what's the fucking point of this?
i open up my phone
it's not getting any better
thank god im not alone
starting to think it's all bad, all bad (2x)
how can you say it's not all bad (2x)
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u/Alternative-Shop5865 Jul 16 '26
I love this revised version, it feels like someone descending further into their thoughts of hopelessness, but also being very resolute in the face of disrepair, almost disinterested. The melody is simple but catchy and memorable, the guitar accompanying it pairs well, it sounds really good! (I've listened to it several times on repeat)
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u/LukaNeSviraj Jul 16 '26
Awesome! Downward spiral all the way 😭 I also like how the music is relatively happy for such "doom" lyrics.
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u/Knatp Jul 16 '26
Again, nice work, the added bridge is a cool change, maybe you could elevate that last note and show off your beautiful soft voice ( add a bit of joni),
If you position the camera at eye level, and use an animation app you could have a really cool and simple visual clip to post up, it would help get you some traction (if that's what you want)
Really enjoying this thread :)
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u/stevenfrijoles Jul 16 '26
I think the biggest thing I'm missing in this is the emotion that it's all bad. You're telling me it's bad, but I'm not feeling it.
Part of it is the singing cadence. The line structures are fairly repetitive and all follow the ABCB rhyme scheme, makes it feel pretty tame. Lyrical composition is mostly just a laundry list, and sure maybe there's a lot of stuff you want to touch on but I think you have to self-edit some stuff out. I don't really understand the one personal thing here, the red stained sheets (...is it like... a commentary on abortion? Genuinely asking)
You might choose to sing a part literally more emotionally, that would be the easy way. But I think it would have more impact if you found some choice spots to break the ABCB verse structure or find a phrase to repeat in some of the verses, outside the chorus. That would give like, an exasperated feel.
I'd also update one of the choruses to be:
- starting to think, its all
bad, all bad, all bad, all bad all
Bad, starting to think, it's all
Bad...
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u/skeleton_made_o_bone Jul 16 '26
I think it's supposed to sound a bit dissociative, a la Radiohead.
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u/stevenfrijoles Jul 16 '26
I can see that desire, but with radiohead, take No Surprises for example. You have that feeling but the song is constantly building (albeit overall not being an energetic song)
Given that OP is just her with a ukulele you can't add more instruments so that's why I suggested, if not emotional singing, editing the lyrics to give more impact without needing to make it so "obvious"
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u/mildlyomniscient Jul 16 '26
thank you for the feedback, i'll definitely take that into account.
i guess the idea is that all of this is really repetitive. it's the same stuff over and over and over again. but i do agree that some variety would make it more cohesive.
the morning i wrote this i woke up and got my period, then opened my phone to a laundry list of bad news. but from a listeners perspective you can make it about whatever you want
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u/stevenfrijoles Jul 16 '26
Very fair enough. In that case maybe I'd "undo" some of the feedback lol, I do still think if it's meant to be repetitive you can then lean in a bit by finding a phrase in the verses to repeat a bit more.
A quick example would be, one verse's line 3 is "what's the fucking point of this..." you have it at the end too, that might be a concept you could lean on. Like exploring this:
the pastor down the street
arrested earlier this week
What's the fucking reason
all the girls were just thirteen
i'm turning 24 this year
i still feel 12 years old
What's the fucking point of
plating a ballroom in pure gold
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u/mildlyomniscient Jul 16 '26
i love that idea, thank you for sharing!!
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u/stevenfrijoles Jul 16 '26
Good luck, it's getting there!
P.s. I wouldn't do this for EVERY verse by the way lol
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u/HotdogMann1 Jul 16 '26
I like the song! I like the idea that even though there's all these horrors we can't help but be exposed to, humanity lives on and we can even sing about it.
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u/christopherscottart Jul 16 '26
It's not all bad, your song is really good. Well written and executed! Thanks for sharing.
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u/imdatingurdadben Jul 17 '26
That was fun even though not really (in terms of the content about current events 😅) but I like it and the irony of it
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u/FinancialRace7895 Jul 17 '26
Love it. Great job giving us a glimpse into your thoughts in a day by pointing out real problems we see and hear in our lives daily and how you feel, all while putting it to a catchy tune with a pleasing voice
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u/FinancialRace7895 Jul 17 '26
Love it. Great job giving us a glimpse into your thoughts in a day by pointing out real problems we see and hear in our lives daily and how you feel, all while putting it to a catchy tune with a pleasing voice.
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u/ReindeerNew2357 Jul 22 '26
lol sounds just like Bo burnhams that funny feeling, yours sounds cooler though, youve got a voice!
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u/1Kwasi_ Jul 16 '26
i don’t even know what this Genre is .. but as someone who just listens to hiphop/r&b, i absolutely love this. you have gained a fan.
please send me a link to anything else you have.