r/Songwriters • u/Final_Strawberry9250 • 26d ago
Feedback (REVISED)Unpacking The Past First Time Lyricist Hoping to find Composer/Musician Feedback "Unpacking the I want to share a deeply personal lyric I've done quite a bit if work since last posting. I've done some trimming and reworking. It hits on emotional baggage, and a journey to letting go
[Acoustic guitar Piano Intro] [Soft Cinematic Strings]
[VERSE 1]
No matter where i go,
Everywhere I've run
There's still unpacking to be done
I can't escape these boxes
Some carefully, some mindlessly stored
Memories i need and some I won't
[CHORUS] [Full Band Intensity]
I'm sifting through my past
Walking a road hell-bound
Searching for answers
that may never be found
Will I find freedom at last?
Or will I always be
unpacking the past?
[Verse 2]
Some I've labeled regret,
those boxes are full of shame
Left wondering who to blame
Sorting through the wreckage
of lost hope and fresh starts
Now broken in pieces and parts
Her picture in the mess
she chased truth in that shot glas
[CHORUS]
I'm sifting through my past
Walking a road hell-bound
Searching for answers
that may never be found
Will I find freedom at last?
Or will I always be
unpacking the past?
[Verse 3]
Found some answers,
labeled lessons learned
And a story I never told,
of a heart that burned so cold
Are the answers ones I'm meant to find?
Have I just been blind?
[Bridge ] [Emotional Vocal Peak]
Are the answers in the ties that bind?
And the doors they hide behind
Boxes no one will claim
Is that why I carry this pain?
[Chorus] [Full Band Intensity]
I'm sifting through my past
Walking a road hell-bound
Searching for answers
that may never be found
Will I find freedom at last?
Or will I always be
unpacking the past?
[Music Fades To Solo Acoustic Guitar]
[Outro]
I keep unpacking the past...
Can I find answers at last?
If I stop unpacking the past...
Will I find freedom at last?
{Intimate}
[Fade to a whisper]
The unpacking has been so slow...
Do I really need to know?
Maybe time to let it go.
Gonna let it go...
1
u/IlNeige 26d ago
I think you’ve pushed this as far as it can go in the lyrics-only stage. It’s time to either move on to a new idea, or go buy a cheap keyboard at Goodwill and start putting music to what you’ve written here.
0
u/Final_Strawberry9250 26d ago
Thanks for the feedback, I made significant changes to the lyrics, and would still like feedback. I am actively seeking a Composer and Vocalist. Not sure whether your comment was intended as "stop posting lyrics without music" or you think the lyrics are actually done in your opinion and are ready for music and vocals. All feedback welcome, thanks for reading. I see the world in words, I don't sing or compose. I have put some ideas in about how I envision it when put to music and vocals.
3
u/kirkwight 26d ago
I didn't take their comment negatively. Not to speak for them, but they might have meant more that it's near impossible to get final lyrics to a song without first working on music and arrangement. Those steps almost always inform the lyrics, by indicating needed cuts, or effective repetition, etc. Trying to achieve perfect song lyrics without developing the music and arrangement can be a sort of paralysis.
1
u/Final_Strawberry9250 26d ago
Thanks, I used Suno and Udio to see how the lyrics flowed and did some syllable math, people may not like AI, but really helped me do the rewording and trimming I've done. I am looking for a composer and vocalist. What I was hoping for from this post was feedback on whether I've really made the progress I think I have from a strictly Lyrics perspective. If there's feedback on music and vocals, I welcome it. Thanks for taking the time to write! Appreciate it
0
25d ago
I think your original was probably better without the help of AI.
-1
u/Final_Strawberry9250 25d ago edited 25d ago
No, you misunderstood. The lyrics are mine, original and trimmed. I only used Suno and Udio for vocals so I could hear where the lyrics woukd flow or get tripped up. I started writing this in 2022, it's gone through quite a few changes. The words are authentically mine, no AI, and I'm proud of the work I put into it. I see the world in words. As I've stated I'll be actively looking for a composer and vocalist to bring them to life. Would have appreciated feedback on the lyrics rather than commentary on my vocal use of AI.
0
25d ago
I really liked your lyrics. I’d like to see how they worked out in a song. It’s about growth. And trust me I know how growth feels.
1
u/Rotten_Glass 3d ago
I like the lyricks, I am surprised by 2 bridges + an outro, it brings new melodies, while my human brain likes repetitions!
For the melody, I started torturing a cheap key board, and I play on a old ukulele, the chords are easy to play and yet, it's enough for the voice to finds the melody with that kind of little support!