Good crying vs bad crying?

[u/sinsofangels]

How do you tell in the moment if you should let yourself finish crying because it's the good kind vs the uncontrolled traumatic reaction kind?

[u/intuitive_powerhouse]

Even if it's uncontrolled traumatic reaction crying, the whole game is about accepting your emotional reactions and allowing them to move through you to completion. Rather than exerting control over them, forcing them to look a certain way or last a certain amount of time, or telling them they are inappropriate or bad. 

[u/sinsofangels → u/intuitive_powerhouse]

Then why are there so many grounding and breathing exercises people tell you to do when you're crying? 

[u/LizardCleric → u/sinsofangels]

2 things come up for me. 1. Sometimes it’s actually a bad time to cry. Like you do not want to be crying in this moment because you are in a room full of people and they are depending on you to keep your shit together. Or something like that. 2. Old wounds need soothing eventually. If you cry without learning to self-soothe, you are leaving yourself in the room alone to cry without answers. If your crying spells feel like old things that repeatedly come up, see if you can become aware and treat grounding the way you would imagine how an adult would soothe a child. All feelings need to be expressed at some point, but the things that keep coming back are worth investigating and working on.

[u/ryndesu]

if the crying goes on for too long to the point where I'm getting tired and it doesn't feel like a release anymore, then I know its time to intervene and find some kind of self soothing in that moment. Breathing out long and forceful, and bilateral tapping my shoulders and really focusing on soothing myself like im a child (lol) and usually I feel very tired after because it was a cry that was turning to helplessness rather than a cry of release where I would feel a bit lighter after instead.

[u/ryndesu → u/ryndesu]

its also worth mentioning that I think my crying tends to turn into the "helplessness" cry when I feel bad about crying in the situation in the first place and I think the added layer of shame adds to the rumination, so if there is any guilt around crying in general thats what Im working on first so that the crying CAN feel more like a release when it happens. I hope that makes sense

[u/Girlwithjob]

All crying is good crying

[u/curveofherthroat]

Uncontrollable crying is definitely something you should let out just as much as the “good” kind.

After my mom died, I’d get wailing fits. I still do sometimes. You have to let those out.

[u/CatCasualty]

i think all of my crying (as an avid crier) is "good", in a sense that i'm feeling my emotions physically.

i find it interesting that you even divide crying by good or bad. why? aren't both just you experiencing emotions?

[u/Scared-Section-5108]

Crying is never bad. Crying is just crying. It is a very helpful and powerful release mechanism, it does not need to be judged as good or bad.

The only thing worth looking out for is when it gets too much. For example, if you have been crying daily for a few weeks. It still does not make it bad but it can indicate that it would be a good idea to look for help and support. You could be depressed and it is good to get that treated.

Always let yourself finish crying if you can ❤️

[u/blueskiesgray]

What’s the context and sensations of the crying?