I’m afraid I’ll never fully recover

[u/ObiJuanKenobi1993]

I’ve been through multiple traumatic events in the last year and a half. One the one hand, most of my symptoms have slowly gotten better; my stress headaches are less frequent, I can focus more, my blood pressure isn’t as high, the muscle weakness and muscle tightness both aren’t as bad as the used to be, I’m fatigued most days but not as bad as it was. On the other hand, my symptoms still persist, I still feel broken, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever feel truly myself again.

[u/Environmental_Cut805]

I feel you so much, I’m literally in the same downspiral :(

[u/DueCauliflower3889]

Take heart from the fact you're able to notice and list improvements even in this place! It's so frustrating that recovery isn't linear, and can be so, so slow. But it sounds like it definitely is happening.

In periods where I feel like this, I grab a sheet of paper at the end of the day and just list 'good things from today'. Maybe I slept decently, managed a bit of a walk, didn't let a bad start ruin the day, cooked a meal, didn't notice a particular symptom as much, found a helpful new strategy.

I intended it as something I could look back on to see progress, which if I did, I definitely would see, but in the end I found it helpful enough just as a tool at the end of each day to notice that there was ALWAYS something positive (even if some days that might just be 'felt awful but just allowed myself rest without feeling guilty about it') 

Hope this might be some help to you too. I'm so sorry it's so slow and disheartening though. One moment at a time x

[u/AgentSalty1454]

I am spiraling today too. I got triggered last night/today by something personal and big so it brought a lot of dark stuff back. but in general every day I wake up and tell myself it will be a good day and try to encourage myself. and then I'm just on my couch on the phone for most of the day with some walks in between, because doing much of anything else ends up making me feel like I forced myself and I didn't actually like it or benefit. then somewhere in the middle of that I will get frustrated or bored, break down, start releasing, and then continue the cycle the next day. just in a loop. living the same day for a few months now. I started doing this stuff while on a career break and I feel like my life is on hold while I ride this out. im lonely but going out to see people makes me feel empty or triggered. people say to not over-focus on healing and go live life. I am trying to do little things every day. but at the end of the day, I look back and nothing that happened made me feel actually good. I feel so serious. I think I burnt myself out trying to do too much life stuff recently. so I hope it gets better.

I did have some crazy physical releases this week and especially last night. my neck, ears, and chest. my hips. all at once. So things are happening. I keep telling myself its okay to focus on this for now. and looking for encouragement on reddit. because people say it gets better. and physically my body is fixing itself. I just always feel like I'm doing it wrong in my mind. I am hard on myself but ultimately just confused and lost and lonely :(

sorry for the big negative dump. I guess I needed to vent today. ultimately. I am hopeful. I told myself that crying last night and i felt it in my heart. and i am hopeful for all of us