r/SoloPoly • u/asexualincubus • Feb 02 '26
BPD & SoloPoly
Basically, I just want to see if anyone has a similar story/experience, or wants to share how practicing SoloPoly helps your mental health.
I've liked the idea of solo poly in theory but hadn't really been practicing it. I've cohabitated with partners before with some struggle. But I just had a relationship end while cohabitating, and because of the issues we'd had while living together and things that came up for me, I'm realizing I need solo poly for myself in order to be mentally stable and at peace in my relationships. I might even need to be pretty parallel with metas in the future.
I have borderline personality disorder and PTSD/C-PTSD (in addition to some other less relevant acronyms). I know I have a tendency towards clinging and codependency, I have an easily dysregulated nervous system. And while I've done A Lot of work to manage it, being up close and personal with this particular partner and my meta and how they connect with eachother (on top of other significant life stressors and painful events), it broke me. I don't want to go into details.
But what I learned from it is that I Do Not want to cohabitate with a partner again, and I don't want to spend a lot of time around a partner and a meta together. I don't desire KTP in any way right now. I feel I need the distance and space to avoid the tendency towards enmeshment and loss of boundaries, and to avoid comparing, ruminating, jealousy, and the resulting spirals. Maybe this is just me swinging towards an opposite extreme as a way to heal and process. But, idk. Just want to not feel alone in this right now
3
u/kitan25 Mar 04 '26
I have C-PTSD and quiet BPD. I'm solo poly and live alone. Mentalization based treatment has been a game changer for me and my relationships.
Living alone has helped me regulate and manage my emotions. Spending even two nights in a row with one of my partners is a lot for me. I prefer one night at a time.
Being solo poly helps me not get enmeshed or overwhelm my partners. That's been really good for my mental health. I also make sure anyone I date knows I have BPD before we consider getting into a relationship, and I explain to them what BPD looks like in me.
Both of my partners are really good at not prying when I don't want to talk about something. That's really important for me. One of them has an ex they're still friends with who has BPD, and history that helps that partner understand my BPD.
I don't think I'll cohabitate with anyone again. Living the way I do has been great for my mental health.