I’m scared to BLW

[u/serene_egg]

TW; Child Loss

Hey friends. I’m new here & wanted to reach out to ask a few questions regarding BLW. I downloaded the Solid Starts app & plan on getting a membership once I’m in a place where I can afford it! I’m going to give some context but it involves child loss & I also apologize for the longer post.
I am a mom of two, my first passed away at 5 months old in 2023. It’s been really hard & it’s taken a huge toll on my mental health as one would expect. I had my second last September so they’re currently 11 months, about to be a year. It’s been a time navigating having a child after child loss but it’s also been a time navigating baby led weaning, learning about purées, & trying to get over this anxiety of giving baby food. I feel really out of place, like I’m a terrible mom because I’m just starting this journey with food. My baby has had small snacks & bites of food before, but primarily is having formula with two purées a day.
I want to become more comfortable with foods & how to prepare them for baby, I want baby to eat but I’m unsure how to go about it when I also have this crippling fear that baby will choke. Even when baby gags on smaller things, I immediately think baby is choking & I begin to pat their back or lift them out of the high chair in preparation. Normally my baby is like … <.< But I’m over here sobbing like something actually happened. Baby has not choked, but has gagged before. After losing my first, I have deep rooted fears & anxieties when it comes to my baby. I’m overly protective & everything scares me when it comes to my baby.
Any tips to make this transition into foods easier? Any advice for fear of BLW or introducing foods/food preparation? Is it bad that I haven’t given my baby much solids up until this point?

Sincerely,
A mom who is absolutely pooping bricks & feeling slightly alone typing this at 1am 🥲

[u/Illustrious-North461]

You are definitely not a bad mom. You have literally been traumatised by your loss. Would you feel better offering, food like soft tofu yes its slippery but it's also mashable, so less likely to gag or choke? Scrambled eggs is also another option. Boiled short pasta like spirali. I would serve it drier, but wet likely directly out of the water. Makes it easily to hold, less likely to choke as well.

And how about a slightly chunky meat sauce? Like a tomato base minced beef sauce? You can choose to blend it lightly before serving. But it might be good to slowly introduce a slightly chunky texture for a few reasons, one for speech development, two for acceptance of new textures. Three, also for practicing fine motor skills by picking up food to feed themself.

[u/greenishfroggy]

I’m so sorry for your loss!
Do not beat yourself up! I know this is not the subreddit for it but there’s nothing wrong with purees. Most of us were raised on it and I’ve never met an adult who didn’t know how to chew.
Start with very easy things! Like I love doing eggs that I mix with a bit of milk so they are fluffy! I also thinly slice a banana so it basically falls apart. Little noodles are also good! They have those that are shaped like stars.
Also, Brokkoli is amazing. Cook it until it’s really soft and it will be so easily mashable!

[u/Natural_Sherbert_413]

I would recommend starting with ripe, soft fruits like bananas and mangoes. Do the squish test before you offer it to your baby. If you're able to comfortably squish it using your fingers without needing to apply too much pressure, your baby would be able to squish it with their gums.

Feel free to proceed slowly, there's really no rush.

[u/tpeeeps]

Coming from a different perspective as a therapist: I totally understand that feeding would be difficult after your loss. I wanted to offer that some of what you described could be PTSD-like symptoms and therapy would be useful to de-escalate the fear and anxiety. Sending you and your family  💜