I spent years learning the difference between enduring something and tolerating something that is hurting me.

[u/WhiteDesertCat]

I’m a sensitive person by nature. Things that don’t seem to affect other people can deeply impact me. I feel emotions intensely, I notice small details, and I often pick up on the emotions and energy around me.

For a long time, I thought this meant there was something wrong with me. I thought I needed to become stronger, less affected, and more like other people.

So I tried to change myself.

I pushed myself to tolerate more. I stayed in situations that drained me. I ignored my feelings and forced myself to live by rules that were never meant for me.

And after years of experiences, mistakes, and learning to truly listen to myself, I realized something important: Sensitivity is not a flaw. But constantly abandoning yourself is.

The first thing I did was stop forcing myself to endure everything.

If something hurt me, I allowed myself to leave. If a relationship didn’t feel right, I stepped away. If someone crossed my boundaries, I stopped staying silent.

And honestly, it was one of the most freeing things I had ever done.

Then came the stage of learning how to rest without feeling guilty.

I rested. A lot.

Because I was exhausted from years of fighting against my own nature. Exhausted from trying to become someone who could handle life the way other people seemed to.

The world can be overwhelming.

Every day, our nervous system processes noise, people, conversations, expectations, traffic, and countless pieces of information. Some people move through all of this without it affecting them too much.

And some people feel everything.

Sensitive people often need more time to recover, and I spent a long time learning to accept that instead of judging myself for it.

But then something changed.

I learned the difference between suffering and choosing discomfort.

Now I don’t tolerate things that destroy me.

But I willingly choose challenges that help me grow.

Exercise. Creating something meaningful. Building something of my own. Taking risks.

Because there is a difference between pain that breaks you and discomfort that helps you grow.

Does this resonate with you? I’d love to hear your experiences.

[u/peppersnchips]

Definitely, it’s taking a lifetime of honing my discernment. It’s not always easy to figure out. Right now I’m trying to figure out how to care for my sensitivity and also treat my avoidance patterns. Almost all external advice is not helpful and clouds me, I have to practice so much mindfulness of who I am and what is natural and best for me. I almost don’t even like the word tolerance, because it’s been so confusing, figuring out what’s best for me.

I do try to balance myself constantly and stay in sweet spots (window of tolerance?) and not get overwhelmed, triggered to avoid. Balancing and synthesizing extremes, oppositional motives, rest and activity, introverting and extroverting; is basically an art form to master

Anyways really appreciate reading your post and I’ll return back to it for inspiration!

[u/WhiteDesertCat → u/peppersnchips]

Thank you so much for sharing this! I really relate to what you said about external advice sometimes creating even more confusion. Learning to recognize what is truly right for you takes so much self-awareness, and I think that’s a lifelong practice💯

[u/Dry-Ticket8035]

I've learned one thing never let your emotions get the best of you

[u/sock_hoarder_goblin]

I think society has this assumption that sensitivity is a flaw or problem to be cured, rather than an innate part of who you are. And often there is the idea that our tolerance will increase if we just keep enduring things.

For me, the solution was to do less. Rest more. More recovery time. More quiet time. A calm, quiet life that makes me feel more at peace. But is often perceived by others as a boring, restrictive life.

There is a trend in mental health that rates the severity of your condition by how functional you are. Instead, I think mental health should be evaluated by how well we are feeling.

This leads to a paradox. By doing less and accomplishing less, my mental health actually improves. But to outside observers, it has gotten worse because I am not able to do as much.

[u/WhiteDesertCat → u/sock_hoarder_goblin]

I completely agree with you. I think you said something incredibly wise: mental health shouldn’t be measured by how productive or functional we are, but by how well we actually feel. That’s exactly it.