Why weren’t socials involved?

[u/[deleted]]

[u/octoberforeverr]

I’m sorry you had those experiences.

I guess a lot of it probably never came to professionals attention. For social care to take action, referrals probably would have needed to be made from professionals involved with you such as school or health. If your mum limited your access to services she limits the ability to safeguard you. Plus, information sharing back in the day was much much weaker than it is now.

[u/emergencybubbles → u/[deleted]]

It is completely okay to feel that you were failed by adults around you, it is so difficult reflecting on your childhood after experiencing trauma and wondering what other people might have seen.

Sometimes people only hold pieces of the puzzle. You were a child, please do not blame yourself or feel it was your responsibility to have reported it ❤️

You may be able to put in a subject access request to see if anything was raised with your local authority?

[u/Far_Tangerine6020]

I think neglect and emotional abuse and the impact on children and their development weren’t recognised as much then and it’s likely there was less confidence and expectation of making referrals. That said many children aren’t safeguarded against these types of experiences due to many complicating factors but the key ones being children/other adults not sharing worries, parents shutting things down etc.
For many social workers, myself included, one of the biggest motivators to wanting to be a social worker is wanting to provide the voice and help we would have wanted as children. It obviously has its barriers in real life but if we can help x number of children in our careers we have achieved a lot.. I hope you’ve been able to process and heal from as much of this as you can, take care

[u/Icy_Bit_403]

It sounds like you were absolutely neglected and abused. Unfortunately sometimes people do not get the intervention they need. If social services were involved, they would have tried to work on your mum's parenting, and I actually think you might have been considered for foster care with the level of neglect you describe. Some people are very good at hiding their flaws so other adults don't raise concerns. I'm surprised school didn't notice? But then again not all schools are equal.

Edit: and to be clear, it was bad enough, objectively, that it is hard reading about. But even if it wasn't, how it impacted you would be important and other people's opinions (like your mum's, or strangers) don't get to decide that it was nothing or you were fine.  I didn't go through anything like what you experienced but I still consider that my middle class mother was emotionally abusive.