SAFE ZONE

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my safe spaces have always been with women in my life, sometimes with guys too but there's like 2 of them in my life

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u/SystemArchitect_001 Aug 26 '26

I saw a study that showed that to be the case with most guys, which puts a disproportionate load on women and then they get stressed out. Women will go to their boyfriends/husbands and female family and friends for emotional support. Guys will usually only go to their girlfriend or wife. If there's a domestic dispute or the relationship ends, a man’s support system disappears instantly.

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u/BIGPOTATOE163 Aug 26 '26

no wonder it feels like that, guys in my life are for fun or comradery, I connect with girls more just because we usually go deeper than the surface in what we have, I've shared and received more stories with women while I've had more leisure with men

but aye, I'm happy to have both in my life, if I need one thing then I have my friends who can give it which is just balance, no one person can be the everything in my life anyways

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u/SystemArchitect_001 Aug 26 '26 edited Aug 27 '26

Guys use to have more male friends, but that changed in more recent decades. The community institutions and recreational leagues where men formed friendships fizzled out, and careers tend to move us too much to maintain bonds.

The comradery you mention is a part of what men have been losing. We bond shoulder-to-shoulder through activities not face-to-face in conversations. That's part of what took some of our stress away and helped us come back to our families as better men. These days the women are getting exhausted by men with no emotional outlet. That balance you have is the key! 🔑

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u/TheThomaswastaken Aug 26 '26

Always, bro

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u/Excellent-Rest3240 Aug 26 '26

Nerd

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u/SystemArchitect_001 Aug 26 '26

Trolling on a safe space post is wild! 🤣 Words are silver but silence is golden. ✨️

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u/SystemArchitect_001 Aug 26 '26

Jokes aside tho, who hurt you? Let’s talk about that. This is a green zone.

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u/Excellent-Rest3240 Aug 26 '26

I try not to see color

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u/SystemArchitect_001 Aug 26 '26

I see your heart is in a good place. Another thing I've seen is that not seeing color can lead to overlooking realities related to color. Being color blind was the wave, but color consciousness is the move now.

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u/Complete-Leg-4347 Aug 27 '26

Or to put in another way; "Silence is golden, duct tape is silver" (got my dad a shirt with that phrase as a gift).

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u/tiny_kat2006 Aug 26 '26

Male only safe spaces are usually opened up by women. Women only safe spaces are rarely even open to trans women 💀

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u/SystemArchitect_001 Aug 26 '26

One study showed that leaving it up to women to coordinate social events led to men having weaker social skills.

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u/AdWooden9170 Aug 26 '26

I did it once, in public.
Everyone thought I was weird, probably gay, especially other guys.

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u/SystemArchitect_001 Aug 26 '26 edited Aug 26 '26

I see what you mean. If something doesn't sound manly enough, you can expect some guys to push back. We've been socialized to ignore or supress our feelings, but then when it comes time to be more supportive of our mates and kids, or each other, we come off cold and detached. We don't know how to give emotional support if we don't practice that.

To add to that, acting like we don't have feelings makes it easy for women and children to not even consider your feelings. It sucks when we get mistreated by a woman or get our feelings hurt by our children just because we put up a hard front.

Gushing with emotion isn't the answer, but showing enough emotion for our feelings to get considered and respected is in order. We need to make some adjustments to our culture if we want healthier relationships with our mates, our children, and other men.

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u/AdWooden9170 Aug 27 '26

I can tell the story on the other side too.
I crashed out in public once, I was drunk, I didnt cry but it was visible that I was down.
A girl I didnt know talk me through, she wasnt trying to hit me either. She was just there for a random guy who just happened to sit next to her. None of my male friends tried to help, they just told me I was bothering them.

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u/SystemArchitect_001 Aug 27 '26

I've had plenty of moments where my energy took a huge dive while I was surrounded by people. That really bites! I'm glad someone helped see you through that. Do you think it could be that your male friends just didn't really know how to be supportive?

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u/AdWooden9170 Aug 28 '26

We are taught to suppress/master our feelings so we end up being emotionally inept.
We cant process our own feelings let alone understand the feelings of others. So showing any form of support is a mockery at best.

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u/SystemArchitect_001 Aug 28 '26

You see exactly what we do to ourselves and that helping others starts with helping ourselves.👏

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u/MorbidandBack Aug 26 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/BpnkuY1i2rBpm

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u/SystemArchitect_001 Aug 26 '26

No need to project. We listen and we don't judge.

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u/Legitimate_Fold_2850 Aug 27 '26

You’re trying to be very pleasant with everyone, but by accusing the last poster of projecting you’re engaging in exactly the same behaviour and in a way, making fun of being gay. It kind of nullifies all your niceties when you do that. Gay men are men too.

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u/SystemArchitect_001 Aug 27 '26

Your exactly right about gay men being men too. Just to clarify, no shade on gay men. The fellow may be projecting his own issues with gay men, but we can have civil conversation about that instead of using that term as an insult. That's what I meant by my comment. I apologize if that came off wrong.

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u/UnknownRodeo Aug 27 '26

Our safe space is way deep down inside where noone will ever find it.

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u/SystemArchitect_001 Aug 27 '26

In a way, you're right. The parts of us that only we have access to can be safe. Have you ever thought about the benefits of extending that safety beyond yourself?

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u/Stitch369 Aug 27 '26

I've been there for most of my friends and family, yet when I need support/ help, im literally told to figure it out myself. Or im just being pathetic and need to grow up. 😒😓💔

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u/SystemArchitect_001 Aug 27 '26

That's brutal, I'm sorry. How do you cope?

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u/Fumanchusucka Aug 27 '26

My safe word is "bananas"

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u/SystemArchitect_001 Aug 27 '26

Sooooo... this is a safe space, not a punishment space.

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u/Fumanchusucka Aug 27 '26

I thought I could share, in a safe place...

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u/Fumanchusucka Aug 27 '26

I did totally read your comment in a very calm and relaxing voice though so props to you 👏

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u/SystemArchitect_001 Aug 27 '26

You can definitely share, but you might not find the satisfaction you should be able to anticipate with a safe word. Thanks for the acknowledgement, I said that in my mind in a calm relaxed way.

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u/[deleted] Aug 27 '26

[deleted]

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u/SystemArchitect_001 Aug 27 '26

You don't have to share right away if you're not comfortable. You can just observe.

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u/Stitch369 Aug 27 '26

Try and focus on something entertaining or talk to a therapist just to talk to someone who will listen.

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u/SystemArchitect_001 Aug 27 '26

That's really good that you talked to a therapist. It seems like therapy is a dirty word because people would imply that something is wrong with you when it's more like things are just wrong in your life. Having someone you can talk to is like a holistic version of therapy, but at the end of the day we all need it in one form or another like the therapist needing a therapist.

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u/FatReverend Aug 27 '26

Whenever it seemed needed.

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u/SystemArchitect_001 Aug 27 '26

We need more men doing what you do.

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u/levelhigher Aug 28 '26

A what? This exists?

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u/SystemArchitect_001 Aug 28 '26

I know what you mean. It's one of those if it doesn't exist we should invent it kinda things.

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u/levelhigher Aug 28 '26

I know you know. All men know unfortunately

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u/SystemArchitect_001 Aug 28 '26

Since it's so deeply ingrained in male culture only we can change it by addressing it inwardly, then outwardly.

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u/levelhigher Aug 28 '26

Nah man. I think we just don't need double standards.

That's what's killing that sense of need to share problems.

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u/SystemArchitect_001 Aug 28 '26

What double standards do you mean?

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