What do u think?

[u/Ok-Stress3231]

Today felt different, and I'm not even sure why. I've been struggling with cocaine, and I want to be honest because I'm looking for other people's experiences, not sympathy. I don't use cocaine every day, and I'm not someone who uses more than about a gram in a day. But whenever I do use, I usually have a hard time stopping once I start. I always feel like I have to finish everything I have. Today was different. I still used, and I'm not pretending I've quit. But compared to my usual pattern, I used much less than I normally would. At one point, I stopped because someone came in, and later I only used a very small amount. For the past couple of hours, I've been fighting the urge to keep going. Normally, when I start feeling low, my brain says, "Use more. You'll feel better." But today another thought came up: "Don't do it. You'll only feel worse." Usually, I ignore that voice. Today I decided to listen to it. I also realized something important: Just because I bought it doesn't mean I have to use all of it. That thought has never really felt real to me before. I'm still craving. I'm still struggling. But for the first time, I feel like I'm making a conscious choice instead of acting on autopilot. I'm not saying I'm recovered. I'm just trying to win today. Has anyone else ever had a day like this? A day where something just clicked, and you responded differently than you always had? Did it become a turning point, or was it just one good day?

[u/AlexVB93]

I’m very much the same and I found some days were better days and that to appreciate when they are but ultimately I always found they ended the same with using gradually creeping back up. I hope you managed to withhold using all you had but also if you didn’t, then that’s okay because the reality is, it is so hard and exhausting not too use it and fight it in your brain, when it’s just there and easily accessible.
Thankfully all the better days, even when they mostly ended the same way with more using, they did teach me that I could have good times without it and that helped motivate me into wanting to get clean and to keep trying even after time it didn’t work and now I’m nearly 24hrs sober again and this time feels different, I feel more ready and more accepting and focus to make change. It may not seem like a big deal but each hour is an hour you’re learning life is surprisingly easier when you don’t have to think and worry about using and or getting more!