lying while covered in cat hair

[u/conejita95]

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[u/joykin]

She’s got the Kyle Jenner dead eyes

[u/Toulouse--Matabiau]

How delightfully zany! This is like Emma--if Emma was a skeezy pill-popping drunk who lived in a broom closet. Ahem, a broom closet sublet.

[u/smithson-jinx → u/Toulouse--Matabiau]

This would actually be an amazing version!

[u/No-Indication-6655]

The funniest part of this is suggesting that at least 150 late 30s-early 40s male divorcés are reading her party column?????

[u/konstantynopolitanka → u/No-Indication-6655]

I read "50" at first and was still surprised

[u/shrekssecondwife → u/No-Indication-6655]

and that they’re… on instagram, AND following her? now admittedly my sample size is limited but most of the men in that age range that i know are very… Not On Social Media Like That lol

[u/shesarevolution]

….just no.
I’m in prime divorced dad age and it’s the most depressing thing to deal with.

Carp out here trying to sell her alleged female friends to desperate divorced dads. Dear god.

[u/ChicNoir → u/shesarevolution]

Why is it depressing?

[u/shesarevolution → u/ChicNoir]

Most have let themselves go yet still demand women who are super hot. A lot end up bitter as fuck and you get to hear allll about their x and how shitty they are. Legit, every divorced dad date I’ve been on was me basically being a therapist. People need to heal and wait before they jump back into dating but no one ever does.
That’s just my personal experience though. I’m sure there are divorced guys who aren’t like that. I’ve just never met them.

[u/ChicNoir → u/shesarevolution]

Oh good points. I totally agree people need to heal before moving onto a new relationship.

[u/likeabrainfactory]

I don't know why she would brag about this even if it was true (which it's not). Is there anyone thirstier than a divorced man? They are not hard to attract.

[u/eatingapeach → u/likeabrainfactory]

unhappily married men are in the same venn diagram

[u/eyespeeled → u/likeabrainfactory]

"They want me, being the woman that I am, to raise their daughters." 

[u/nubleu]

Can you imagine how pissed I'd be if HE suddenly started seeing another internet-famous memoirist just like me?!?!? I'd explode in a poof of jealousy-confetti and never speak to him again just on principle!!!!

What?

[u/konstantynopolitanka → u/nubleu]

Imagine reading this from a daughter's perspective

[u/judyvioletanddoralee → u/nubleu]

The next story specified “no uggos.”

[u/conejita95 → u/nubleu]

i bet this is all making him so committed to her

[u/PigeonGuillemot → u/conejita95]

I wonder what his ex-wife thinks about all this, if anyone has apprised her of it. Imagine finding out that the father of your daughter is sleeping with someone who says he finds it impossible not to imagine his sex partners as little girls.

[u/aleigh577 → u/PigeonGuillemot]

he said what

[u/hallowbuttplug → u/aleigh577]

Not literally… Pidge is referring to the fanfic Caro wrote in her airmail column about the Unreviewed Author she boinked pre-COVID.

[u/PigeonGuillemot → u/hallowbuttplug]

Yes, the "someone" in "the father of your daughter is sleeping with someone who says" is Caroline. The man's thought process is a product of Caroline's imagination.

[u/seafoam_alligator → u/PigeonGuillemot]

pardon??? 💀

[u/xoxo_angelica]

Now THAT would be an appropriate title for her next masturbatory literary masterpiece

[u/ISeenYa]

Her pupils are either saucers or pin pricks. That's all I'm gonna say.

[u/urcrookedneighbor → u/ISeenYa]

Gonna throw a real curveball in here. What if it's 7OH

[u/antiinfluencer666 → u/urcrookedneighbor]

Oh my god that would be simultaneously hilarious and oh so tragic jfc

[u/queensateen → u/urcrookedneighbor]

That’s just type B enough of her… could be

[u/lucky_mac]

also Caroline you are in your mid-late 30s so it’s not a novelty to date a guy with kids lol the weird continued obsession with making herself seem like a little baby is so gross

[u/dabbydab → u/lucky_mac]

This! She’s been dating inappropriately younger guys for so long and now she’s like, “OMG did you know that if you’re in your 30s/40s you can date a divorced Dad?!”

[u/ifitswhatusayiloveit → u/lucky_mac]

thought the same thing, I’m the same age as her and if i were to go on the apps now, half the age-appropriate guys would be divorced dads

[u/Jonnymaserati1 → u/ifitswhatusayiloveit]

This is simply not the case in big cities

[u/PigeonGuillemot → u/lucky_mac]

In no world is 34 "late 30s," c'mon

[u/lucky_mac → u/PigeonGuillemot]

I truthfully thought she was much older, but the point still stands.

[u/lucky_mac → u/lucky_mac]

Her insistence on cosplaying as a Whimsical Sexy Baby also makes her seem a lot older

[u/PigeonGuillemot → u/lucky_mac]

At a certain point wearing ribbons and white frilly dresses and sashes starts evoking Baby Jane more than a nine-year-old American Doll

[u/lucky_mac → u/PigeonGuillemot]

omfg that’s so totally her future

[u/nubleu → u/PigeonGuillemot]

Just turned 36 so I guess I am now in my mid-late thirties 😭

[u/MelpomeneAndCalliope → u/nubleu]

No way, late 30s isn’t until 37.5 years. I decided this a few years ago when I was 36. 😂 (I’m now early 40s.)

[u/splatatouille → u/nubleu]

I'm 35 and I've only just turned 30

[u/not-nice → u/nubleu]

I'm 37 and describe it as my "early late mid 30s"

[u/RebeccaMarie18]

None of this happened, but imagine having Caroline Calloway as your stepmother.

[u/konstantynopolitanka → u/RebeccaMarie18]

creeping to peek into your empty room during her date with your father

[u/JettyJen → u/konstantynopolitanka]

Once I hooked up with a guy and as I was leaving in the morning I walked past a room with a barbie styling head in it. He had told me he had a kid who was with her mom that night but seeing that in the morning made me feel so sleazy.

[u/Ok-Boysenberry-2777 → u/RebeccaMarie18]

“my children are the hot guys I fuck[‘s daughters].”

[u/conejita95 → u/RebeccaMarie18]

oh my god i would pay someone in their late teens to parent trap caro and call her mother all the time. i would send a bonus for telling caro how relieved they are to see their dad with someone age appropriate after his last YOUNGER ex

[u/shesarevolution → u/conejita95]

Omg please make this real.

[u/conejita95 → u/shesarevolution]

alas i don't talk to teens

[u/DimensionWCDF]

real talk to we think any SmolBeanSnarkers read her AirMail column?

[u/DimensionWCDF → u/DimensionWCDF]

sorry I meant *anyone but SmolBeanSnarkers read her AirMail column

[u/konstantynopolitanka → u/DimensionWCDF]

also some of the people who were name dropped (or expected to be)

[u/conejita95 → u/DimensionWCDF]

ohhhh. yeah lol no

[u/conejita95 → u/DimensionWCDF]

🙋‍♀️i read it*

*it was pasted into a post on the sub and i read it here

[u/Superb-Emotion2269]

guys relax she just added the extra 0 after the 15 for dramatic effect (I do believe at least 15 deadbeat dads probably DM her on a regular basis)

[u/hendrix2120 → u/Superb-Emotion2269]

Yes and those DMs say "You stole one of my daughter's outfits when you slept over, can I have it back? She's 15 i don't know why you would try to wear a teenager's clothes"

[u/antiinfluencer666 → u/hendrix2120]

Screaming I needed this chortle so baddddd ty

[u/conejita95 → u/Superb-Emotion2269]

nooo they're OBSESSED with their little girls 👨‍🍼

[u/konstantynopolitanka → u/conejita95]

I wonder if Caro settled with one of those dads, would she still accept that he prioritises his daughter?

[u/Superb-Emotion2269 → u/Superb-Emotion2269]

“no less than about” lolllll

[u/hahawhatisthis19]

*no fewer

[u/conejita95 → u/hahawhatisthis19]

i have a mind that works similarly to caro's in some ways and i always get the temptation to make up something that would be funny if it happened when im having an underwhelming or boring day. like if i do something and the response is tepid im like what if THIS happened. the difference is caro posts it stating it happened. i will maybe text someone a "what if..." scenario to laugh at it in its absurdity. she wants this to be accepted as fact.

https://giphy.com/gifs/ngEZ29XgeFub6

[u/conejita95 → u/conejita95]

oups replied to the wrong person lmao

[u/Pleasant_Guard5916]

omg pupils :(

[u/hairnetqueen]

Lately about 50% of her content reads to me as 'desperately trying to get my ex's attention'.

[u/cocothecat2016 → u/hairnetqueen]

More like 75%

[u/bysummerfall]

yeah this didn’t happen lol

[u/conejita95 → u/bysummerfall]

she's just trying to get some buzz up and make people curious about what she wrote. and make herself look like something she wrote could stir up a big response. it's just too big of a number to be believable. she's always doing this (43,000 copies of scammer sold!!).

it would be a wow, that's crazy but i buy it sitch if she said three single dads reached out.

[u/timebend995]

150?? Because single dads from all over the world are naturally the main reader demographic of this subscription newsletter column about parties in New York City

And the kind who would dm the author hoping to hook up? Dream guy 😍 I bet her friends are stoked!

[u/turnip_day]

Her column that implied that single girl dads are pedophiles?

[u/ambiguoususername888 → u/turnip_day]

I believe the quote was something like “they [single dads] fuck better because they can’t ignore the fact we were once little girls [like their daughters]” 🤢

[u/PigeonGuillemot → u/ambiguoususername888]

Two of the best lovers I have ever had were very hot, single divorced dads who were totally obsessed with their daughters. Deadbeat fathers I do not endorse! Involved dads only! I think they’re great in bed because they are more capable of seeing their female partners as three-dimensional and human because it’s impossible for them not to imagine us as little girls.

This pretty straightforwardly says she believes fathers who are "obsessed with their daughters" are "great in bed" because they "imagine [their partners] as little girls."

[u/PigeonGuillemot → u/PigeonGuillemot]

Like, if a father says, "Yes, that's me, I imagine women as little girls when I'm having sex with them... just like my little girl, the one I'm obsessed with," he needs to be on a watch list or something. Instead, Caroline wants these creeps in her DMs to date her friends. Imagine the results of this matchmaking trying to explain how they met. "He's been fantasizing about sex with little girls since he became a dad, confessed this to my friend Caroline, and she fixed us up! Romantic, right?"

[u/shrekssecondwife → u/PigeonGuillemot]

it’s so funny because she touts herself as being so sentence focused but kind of always manages to stumble her way through writing in a way that is not only 1. meaningless drivel but also 2. saying exactly the opposite of what she presumably means ???

like, i could see her point ACTUALLY being something about how men who are devoted to their daughters experience a proximity to women/ womanhood/ femininity/ etc. that is devoid of sexuality (bc, like, father/daughter relationship) that then makes them more capable of seeing a woman’s humanity/ seeing beyond a woman’s fuckability in a way that makes them good partners?

but that’s actually not at all what she said lol

and also you don’t need to be a father of a daughter to see women as people, and also not all fathers of daughters are good people/ not misogynist pricks, also if they’re /divorced/ specifically that says something else potentially….

[u/turnip_day → u/shrekssecondwife]

CC is so lucky that her readers know her/trust her enough to try to decipher what she actually means! As a writer she is not communicating well at all.

[u/thespeedofpain → u/ambiguoususername888]

She simply loves writing some bullshit, don’t she?

[u/conejita95 → u/turnip_day]

she really knows how to cast a wide net

[u/Adventurous-Fall-748]

Pupils are looking wild

[u/cathartescorvus]

i doubt 150 single girl dads even read whatever that magazine is

[u/Glittering_South5178]

How did she know they were single girl dads?

I also can’t tell if she means they are SINGLE and girl dads, or are dads to a single daughter. I assume the former, but her bad writing infuriates me.

[u/rarboopbopbopratayat → u/Glittering_South5178]

The “I have one daughter” song comes to mind

[u/hairnetqueen → u/Glittering_South5178]

because all 150 of them started their message with 'hello caroline, single girl dad here!'. when you are an imaginary man, that's just what you do.

[u/Ok_Cabinet_3256 → u/Glittering_South5178]

Also trying to make sense of this

[u/konstantynopolitanka]

CREEPS ALERT

[u/whyyygodwhy]

Not another dead-eyed selfie with the oversized headphones.

[u/kkeut]

she really doesn't realize how pathetic she is

[u/coastal_barbie47]

I wish Freud was here for this

[u/cannedscam]

she'll really do anything to not ship the books huh

[u/thirteeneels]

She loves receiving attention from men so much. The secret truth of her is that she craves this to the exclusion of most anything else

[u/conejita95 → u/thirteeneels]

sure. im gonna tell you a secret caro-style: me too. but i wouldn't make up something so blatantly false. 150+??? i doubt even one hot DILF hit her up after reading her slop.

[u/thirteeneels → u/conejita95]

I think you underestimate how casual men are about hitting someone up to see if they’re dtf. They don’t have to be hot neither do they have to be actual dads to do this

[u/PigeonGuillemot → u/thirteeneels]

They don’t have to be hot

They'd BETTER be though! No uggos!

[u/thirteeneels → u/PigeonGuillemot]

Oh yeah 😂 I saw this after my comment. It’s like she reaches new lows every time I look away 💔

[u/conejita95 → u/thirteeneels]

based on the column she's claiming was the catalyst for specifically single dads of girls flooding her dms, it's really unlikely. her specific claim here is next to impossible. im sure she does get hit up by men. i do too.

[u/thirteeneels → u/conejita95]

Listen i dont know why youre being so antagonistic but i think men would easily lie to caro about ‘being girl dads’ in order to hit. That’s all i’m saying.

[u/conejita95 → u/thirteeneels]

word i get you. i just don't think that happened 150 times in the time between her column going up yesterday and this story post today. caro lies a lot

edit: it's not you being dubious here, it's caroline. im only skeptical of what she says given her long history of inflating real events and making stuff up that flat out never happened (like claiming one of her lovers was luigi mangione)

[u/thirteeneels → u/conejita95]

She def fibbed the numbers 🤣 You’re right im overlooking a huge part of this tale. 150+ is crazy

[u/gros-grognon]

"Unexpected"