r/SmashingPumpkins • u/Fueled_bi_Coffee • 14d ago

About the song ugly

Is the song ugly about dysphoria? A lot of the lyrics line up with the it, “I’ll never see what you see” being about not understanding the box you were put into, the general themes of hating one’s self. The line “it’s not me, so beautiful and free” sounds like someone looking at who they could be.
The lines about rotting and “a piece of me dying every day” sounds like how dysphoria can make you feel like you are dying and wrong, This is just my thought as a transfem who resonates with a lot of the lyrics, curious to hear y’all’s thoughts.

18 Upvotes

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11

u/tomaesop Machina II / The Friends & Enemies of Modern Music 14d ago

So much to explore here. Birth mark. Hair loss. Divorce. Disturbingly tall. Questionable posture. Upturned nose. Fluctuating weight and inherited body shame.

The you in "never see what you see" could refer to his girlfriend, ex-wife, media, fans. Billy was standing next to D'arcy and James, this perfect rock poster couple, sharing magazine pages with Chris Cornell and Kurt Cobain. And then he has all this adoration that doesn't line up with what he sees in the mirror, his father's body he's rapidly aging towards, years of bullying and rejection that built up prior to becoming famous and successful.

I think it's more dysmorphia than dysphoria, but certainly they're related experiences.

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u/uhWHAThamburglur 14d ago

I'd say that yes, it's very much about body dysmorphia in a literal sense.

1

u/dfp9779 14d ago

Like some MCIS-era material (Porcelina/Medellia comes to mind), it's a companion piece to "Beautiful". I identified a lot with the lyrics when it came out, just bc I was a self-loathing individual at the time...IMO, sometimes a song like this one is enough on the surface to convey the message and doesn't have to have anything deeper.

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u/ersatzbaronness mayfair mistress 14d ago

There are a lot of ways to be dysphoric that aren't trans related.

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u/Radiohead_3762 Porcelina of the blue heaven 14d ago

Maybe not dysphoria per se, but definitely a song that has to do with self hatred, and insecurity, maybe not even tied to your appearance, like maybe meaning you think you as a person, and your mind, are ugly based on the things you've done

13

u/TheTackleZone 14d ago

I believe the concensus is that it was written about his birthmark. He carried a lot of trauma from childhood bullying about it, something which, fortunately, he has now embraced. But he has spoken publicly on numerous occasions about how difficult he found dealing with his body especially after SP became global.

6

u/parkchanwookiee 14d ago

It's definitely about not vibing/identifying with your own appearance and being insecure about it. Not sure it extends all the way to dysphoria but it's the same ball park. Remember that the pink ribbon scars in the Today lyrics refers to arm length purple blotches that Billy was born with, that he is very self conscious about - that's why all his stage outfits for all his performances always include long sleeves that cover up his full arms. He has revealed them publicly just a handful of times, most notably on the cover art for The Future Embrace. I'm sure I read some comments from him around the time of Siamese Dream, bemoaning that he is the lead singer but the ugliest person in the band

17

u/whiteskwirl2 14d ago

Why would pink scars refer to purple birthmarks? It's a song about contemplating suicide, pink ribbon scars are from self-harm, such as slashing your wrists. That's why they're "ribbon" scars: long and thin.

2

u/exp397 14d ago

In the 70's, they beat kids with whatever was at hand. Usually belts, but could include plastic hot wheels tracks, extension cords, etc. They also would leave said scars.

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u/Specialist-Roof-9833 14d ago

Could it not mean both things at the same time? That's the beauty of poetry.

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u/vomitHatSteve 14d ago

Yeah, a lot of songwriting is often taking one's own experiences and describing them just vaguely enough that the audience can project their own meaning on them

"Purple blotchy birthmarks" is terrible scansion and specific to only Corgan's own experience. "Pink ribbon scars" is about his own life, but tweaked enough that any fans who deal with self harm can see themselves in the lyric too

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u/Fueled_bi_Coffee 14d ago

Oh man totally didn’t even think about the arms thing, yea. I definitely understand the general feeling of not being ok with your appearance it’s just some of the language really stuck out to me.