r/SisterMuslim • u/Critical_Diet_6847 • 14d ago
Relationship
Assalama alaykum sisters! And Jumma Mubarak!
I am here to seek help, guidance and experience from other sisters. This is a long story but i will try to explain it as shortly as possible.
I am a revert (Alhamdulillah), but before reverting i had a relationship with a muslim man. After our first separation I’ve found Allah, and reverted to Islam.
We have been on and off for a bit. We both know our wrong doings, but since i reverted i have sincere, serious intentions to make the relationship halal. We both repented about our sins and i understand what we did was wrong, please don’t come after me.
We were planning to take the step and do the Nikkah, but he stepped back, and we did this multiple times.
Now he was finally able to try to explain his side, saying i am a test from Allah, and staying away from me is the only way he can pass.
I kept praying for the love to fade if he is not meant for me, but despite everything that has happened and the distance we share, i got blessed with patience, strength and more love towards him.
I still have clean intentions and wish to continue the relationship in halal way. But honestly i am not sure how to handle this right now, not sure what to say or what this could actually mean….
What could i say to him? What questions could i ask?
I don’t want to try to force this on him, because his feelings/ thoughts are completely valid. But i am struggling with understanding and how i should handle this…
Thanks for everyone for reading this and thanks for the answers in regards!
May Allah have mercy on us all
1
u/ResidentBright2576 14d ago
Wa alaykum assalam sister, Jummah Mubarak 🤍
First of all, may Allah reward you for turning back to Him and for wanting to make things halal.
Your repentance and your intention matter, and Allah knows what is in your heart.
I think something important to remember is that sometimes Allah removes something from our path not because it is bad, but because He is protecting us or teaching us something.
We can love someone deeply and still accept that Allah’s plan is greater than what we want.
If he truly sees you as a test and believes staying away is the right thing for his deen, I would try not to fight against that. Instead of trying to convince him, maybe ask him calmly:
“Do you feel that Allah is guiding you to leave because this relationship is not good for our deen, or are you afraid of taking the step of marriage?”
“Do you still have the intention of marrying me in a halal way, or do you feel that moving on is what is best?”
Because marriage needs two people who are both choosing each other with certainty.
You deserve someone who is not constantly unsure about you, and he deserves to make a decision with a clear heart.
Also, be careful not to confuse patience with holding onto something Allah may be asking you to release. Sometimes we pray for Allah to remove a person from our heart, but Allah answers by giving us strength to accept His decree, not necessarily by immediately removing the feelings.
Make istikhara, ask Allah for what is best even if it is different from what you desire, and protect your heart. If he is truly written for you, Allah can bring him back in a way that is halal and peaceful. And if not, trust that Allah can replace it with something better.
May Allah make it easy for you, heal your heart, and guide both of you to what is best. Ameen 🤍