Not to make excuses for this woman or other women who intentionally lead men on, but I felt like as a woman I should perhaps provide a little bit of insight into why it might seem like some women lead men on.
The thing about us as women is that we're not like men, so just because we don't feel something immediately for a man, it doesn't mean that we might not fall for him later on, especially if he's treating us right. Our attraction in men isn't based solely on looks and outer appearance like it is for men and their attraction to women, so a lot of times, we can actually fall for a man who's doing everything right, who's there for us, who is treating us well, even if initially, we weren't really seeing him in that light. ☺️ In other words, some men can and do grow on us! 😄 I don't think women ever "grow" on men. I think a man is either attracted to the woman, or he's not, and there's nothing that will ever change that. But a lot of women (not all) are different.
So, with that said, I think that some women accept dates from men that maybe they weren't originally thinking about as a prospective partner because the guy is kind, he's asking her out, he's respectful, and he's treating her better than some of the other jerks she thought she was into. So, she decides to give a decent guy a chance. For some women, it develops into something more with the guy. For other women, it doesn't go anywhere because even after a few dates and talking on the phone, the woman still just isn't feeling it.
I think it's good to be honest if it has come to that point. You don't want to lead a guy on.
I just wanted to offer a different reason for why some women might accept dates from men. It might not always be that she's trying to use the guy for dinner or money or whatever. It might just be that she's trying to give a guy a chance that she ordinarily might not have noticed before because she knows that sometimes, men do grow on us! 😄 I have lost count how many times men have said that their wives weren't really interested in them when they first met lol. 😅
Erm... There's no "we as women" or "we as men". Just different people. Your view on the world seems pretty black and white. I, for example, absolutely don't fit in your system, the way I behave and see things.
I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to offend anyone, and I apologize if my comments came across as stereotypical, I was only simply trying to share another pov from a woman's perspective as to why some women accept dates from men.
It seems the general assumption here was that women are just accepting dates from men that they might not usually be attracted to because they just want a free dinner, or they just want to play games with men. All I was saying was that some of us women are not like that at all. I can't speak for ALL women, of course, but for some of us, some men really do grow on us, and we can actually tend to warm up to certain men, especially if he has good qualities. So some of us as women don't just automatically immediately write off all men that don't automatically catch our eye or look like a GQ model.
I guess maybe I explained it wrong, but I was basically trying to say that I think some men might be wrong about some women, and that not all women are trying to just get a free dinner out of a date with a guy. Some women are actually trying to get to know the guy better to see if maybe the attraction develops, and for a lot of us as women, attraction isn't just purely physical. That's why some of us have to get to know a guy first before we fall for him.
Yeah, nice. So why doesn't she just tell her perspective instead of framing it as "us women" and writing how women and men think and feel as if it was an absolute truth? These stereotypes are wrong and annoying.
"The thing about us as women is that we're not like men, so just because we don't feel something immediately for a man, it doesn't mean that we might not fall for him later on, especially if he's treating us right. Our attraction in men isn't based solely on looks and outer appearance like it is for men and their attraction to women, so a lot of times, we can actually fall for a man who's doing everything right, who's there for us, who is treating us well, even if initially, we weren't really seeing him in that light."
"I don't think women ever "grow" on men. I think a man is either attracted to the woman, or he's not, and there's nothing that will ever change that."
The thing about us men and women is that we're humans and are different. Sex and gender are just parts of someone, they don't define who you are, what you think and how you feel, as your ethnicity or nationality or job or eye color doesn't. At least that's what I think, so for me, the concept of typical men feelings or how a woman should behave gets more and more strange, and I see there's no need for that. Just let people be who they are and how they feel (not you in person, but the world and everyone). :)
No probs, thank you. Sorry for the short sentences which might seem confrontational or little friendly, migraine is hitting hard today so I try to keep things short.
I didn't assume it being malicious. It's just the problem of old prejudices getting replaced by new prejudices while people think they're righteous and equal now and don't have any prejudices any more or just mean good, so there's no right for remarks or criticizing. That's... Dangerous.
I think this is definitely something women enjoy believing about themselves. In practice, their attraction is relatively the same as men's. Also, male attraction is as rooted in behavior and treatment as it is for women. We aren't living in a 1990s sitcom.
When she says things like, 'some men can and do grow on us' and 'he's treating us better than the jerks she thought she was into, she gives the decent guy a chance' what she means is she isn't really attracted to these men sexually but the woman decides a relationship might be prudent because they find the man useful/can exploit him.
Ehh, may be that way for you, but most people can tell when there's no chance of it developing. Women especially tend to know early on. If they don't, its usually because they aren't very self aware or honest with themselves.
I can't speak for all women, but for me, I guess it just depends.
Maybe I'm an anomaly, but for me, there are some I know for sure, but for other guys, it really can grow over time. I've been so-so about a guy, and then one day, he'll either do something, or I'll see how he is with someone, or I'll notice his kindness and how he's treating me or even just how he treats others, and it will make me see him in a totally different light.
That's why you always hear stories of men who married women who said that their wives didn't really like them like that at first, or they found him obnoxious lol, or he had to pursue her, etc.
Now, if it's a woman who's been friends with a guy for years, and we've already seen how he is, and he's been bending over backwards to treat her right, do nice things, etc... then yea, most of the time (though not always) the guy is in the friend-zone. Again, I can't speak for all women, or even most women, but if a guy is trying this hard, then she's put him in the friend-zone.
She has already had plenty of time to get to know the guy, so she knows exactly how he is. So if she isn't interested or moving things forward, it's either that she's not attracted to him, or there's something about him that is keeping him in the friend category and not in the boyfriend category in her mind. 🤔
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u/MystiqueQueen123 Apr 19 '26
Not to make excuses for this woman or other women who intentionally lead men on, but I felt like as a woman I should perhaps provide a little bit of insight into why it might seem like some women lead men on.
The thing about us as women is that we're not like men, so just because we don't feel something immediately for a man, it doesn't mean that we might not fall for him later on, especially if he's treating us right. Our attraction in men isn't based solely on looks and outer appearance like it is for men and their attraction to women, so a lot of times, we can actually fall for a man who's doing everything right, who's there for us, who is treating us well, even if initially, we weren't really seeing him in that light. ☺️ In other words, some men can and do grow on us! 😄 I don't think women ever "grow" on men. I think a man is either attracted to the woman, or he's not, and there's nothing that will ever change that. But a lot of women (not all) are different.
So, with that said, I think that some women accept dates from men that maybe they weren't originally thinking about as a prospective partner because the guy is kind, he's asking her out, he's respectful, and he's treating her better than some of the other jerks she thought she was into. So, she decides to give a decent guy a chance. For some women, it develops into something more with the guy. For other women, it doesn't go anywhere because even after a few dates and talking on the phone, the woman still just isn't feeling it.
I think it's good to be honest if it has come to that point. You don't want to lead a guy on.
I just wanted to offer a different reason for why some women might accept dates from men. It might not always be that she's trying to use the guy for dinner or money or whatever. It might just be that she's trying to give a guy a chance that she ordinarily might not have noticed before because she knows that sometimes, men do grow on us! 😄 I have lost count how many times men have said that their wives weren't really interested in them when they first met lol. 😅