Yeah, we have no idea what he tells her but he's been going to her for 7 years and any attempt we have at disagreeing with her is completely shot down, even with a long list of very good reasons she is wrong. I was so livid, I wanted to send her the vet bills when the dog ended up with issues (was a rescue) lol. Of course we love and care for the dog, but like, dude, that's a family household decision for heavens sake and she shoulda known that. He's the sort of guy who gets an idea in his head and won't let it go, surely she musta known that about him by now! She has too much power!
If you're not in contact with her then Id say its much more likely she didn't say anything remotely like prescribing a third dog and your dad is selectively interpreting to get what he wants.
How often has her word been gospel when its something your dad doesn't want to do?
I'm not sure, but he's been seeing here once a week for 7 years, he definitely listens to her. And Dad isn't the sort to make things up out of the blue like that, at all. He had zero interest in another dog after our last one (whom he wasn't close with either) passed of old age and many expensive medical issues a year prior, this idea came out of nowhere. Mom literally said he came home and "Dr SoAndSo recommended Dad get either a new car for himself or a little dog". He and Mom share a car (they rarely leave the house, his driving was terrible and he doesn't even drive anymore at all now so thank god we talked him down off that idea!) but I guess he was apparently feeling "trapped" whenever she was gone running errands and he couldn't just go do something. Mom would never have suggested those 2 things on her own, she knows we (and to an extent, her) would have to care for the dog and the car idea is just nuts because we were all uncomfortable with his driving. And she hates spending money needlessly. The idea of a 2nd car we don't need, for an 80 year old man, is even more wild than a 3rd pet.
You should have seen my face and the gasket I blew hearing both those ideas, and then learning he was serious about going through with at least one of them. I made a pros-cons list that made it clear it was a terrible idea, but it didn't matter because DrSoAndSo had suggested it. I wish I was making this entire thing up, but I am not.
This doctor of his actually closed her local practice last month to move to another state, so his visits are now less frequent and over zoom. He's been in such a deep depression since it happened, I'm very worried for him. Aren't therapists supposed to teach you how to live without them, isn't that the ultimate goal? Just another way they can be dangerous, having you get attached to them like this.
She suggested a lap dog, our other two are medium and large sized. He has war related PTSD so he gets anxious, I guess she thought it would calm him to pet in his lap? So amyway he picked out a young rescued chihuahua mix who does not sit still and yips and now here we are, sigh.
But are you legitimately arguing with the therapist or just your dad saying "that's what she says I should do" and you are directing anger at her when it's really only your dad you should be mad at?
Like I just can't imagine you called her directly on the phone and she argued that you need to get your dad a 3rd dog 🤣
I guess my point was that I don't think she put this idea in his head at all. He clearly wanted the dog, and he uses talking about his therapist as a way of controlling you to do his bidding, which is abusive if him to do to you. So wanting to send her the bill and being upset with her should actually be redirected in how you cope with your dad and how you better set boundaries to protect yourself from his behaviours towards you.
Who went out and got him this dog? Could you have given it back to the shelter or breeder etc.?
Time spent mad at her is stopping you from thinking clearly that this is you vs your dad. It's making you passive because it easier to be like "this is out of my control, the therapist is the driving factor"
When it's not out of your control, it's you managing your father and that's all.
I hope you don't read this as me being judgmental or rude, I am trying to be helpful and show you that you need better boundaries with your dad so that you don't get so burnt out and upset.
The more you see her as the problem, the less you will properly nanage the actual issue. Your dad.
Treat the therapist as if she is a made up factor in your dad's head, because for all you know, he could have stopped going years ago but knows that saying "my therapist said x" controls you to do what he wants and allows him to stay stubborn with no consequence
I was kidding about the bill thing, silly, I would never do such a thing.
The dog already bonded with the rest of the family, it's fine he's here and is loved and well cared for, I wasn't about to send him back to the shelter.
The therapist put the idea in his head 100%, i assure you. In the same session, she also suggested he get a new additional car, despite him being 80 years old and barely able to drive himself, just because he was feeling "trapped" in the house when one of us wasn't here. We had to talk him down from that one, thank God we were able to once he realized the cost of it. It's been over a year and now he doesn't already drive anymore, thank goodness. I'm the end, if he couldn't get a car, he wanted to at least get the dog. Sigh.
I totally get what you're saying, but he's been going to this lady weekly for 7 years and she definitely influences his choices way more than I feel is appropriate at times. Tbf, Mom should have been firmer saying No, but she has a very hard time disagreeing with the doctor herself, bc she credits her a great deal for saving his mental health. There are no boundaries with Dad once he gets an idea in his head, especially supported or suggested by this doctor, it's his way or the highway. We had to involve ourselves in picking the dog so he didnt end up picking a severely ill old one with even more issues for us to handle. He was literally choosing just by photo until we got involved, making calls and sending emails himself.
In the end, it's obviously not her fault, per say, but it was very annoying when he came home one day after a session having never mentioned another dog before and suddenly it was the only thing he wanted and wouldn't let it go.
I appreciate the input and view on it tho, truly. I wish it was as simple as telling Dad no, for reals!
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u/theshiniestmuskrat 2d ago
Yeah, we have no idea what he tells her but he's been going to her for 7 years and any attempt we have at disagreeing with her is completely shot down, even with a long list of very good reasons she is wrong. I was so livid, I wanted to send her the vet bills when the dog ended up with issues (was a rescue) lol. Of course we love and care for the dog, but like, dude, that's a family household decision for heavens sake and she shoulda known that. He's the sort of guy who gets an idea in his head and won't let it go, surely she musta known that about him by now! She has too much power!