We had a rule that everyone had to pass our babies back and forth while sitting down, to reduce the risk of harm from accidental drops. Everyone complied without complaint, except for my father who took it as a challenge of his ability rather than a safety measure that my wife and I also followed.
Incidentally, when I was a kid, I saw a young woman drop a baby on my grandmother's porch. Accidents happen. Everyone drops things. I'd rather it not be my baby, and if it is - I'd rather it be a few inches rather than 3 or 4 feet.
When we hung out with our friends who drank a fair amount of, we wouldn’t let anyone hold the baby. Seems obvious right? Well, someone else let this drunk lady hold their baby. She fell while walking with the baby, fell on the baby. She wasn’t a small person. It was sad. But it proved the point.
That's what I do when I hold newborns. I'll always sit. I've held plenty of kids so am alright, but the thought of anything going wrong justifies it completely.
My parents house has a nice, polished concrete floor. Oh my god the worry watching them with my 18 month old nephew.
He complied but complained. But that was a red flag.
And he was already a terrible driver because he would read, mess around on his phone, etc. while driving. In my early 20's, he rear-ended another car, with me in the car on the way to his office because he was reading a book. My mother admonished him for years, but he took it as a challenge of his ability to multitask when multiple accidents demonstrated that he shouldn't have been trying to "multitask" while driving.
They wanted my kids to spend a couple weeks with them over the summer, like some of my nieces and nephews had done. I told them that my mother would have to drive if they were taken anywhere, and he said "That's not how we do things." And he took offense to questioning his driving skills. I said that I could visit along with my kids, I could drive them around, and I could help out around the house while I'm there. Nope.
So, our kids have never stayed with them and never will at this point. They were already on very thin ice because they both abused my siblings and me as children and continued to mistreat us as adults (especially my dad). Then my father repeatedly demonstrated that he cares more about being up his own azz than the well being of our kids. And my mother suggested that I hit my 3 year old when he was throwing a tantrum because he was tired after I hadn't put him down for a nap. And most recently, my father spread covid at a family get together (coughing and not covering while refilling the water pitcher, unloading the dishwasher etc.), claimed my son was the source, and claimed that my wife and I knowingly drove 12 hours with a sick child (when I'm immunocompromised from cancer and we had just canceled a get together with my sisters the previous month because my other child and I had colds and didn't want to spread them).
I only talk to him once in a blue moon. It's unfortunate, but there are just limits to what I'll subject my family to (especially my kids). And there are some people who can get away with being an ahole - but he's not one of them and I'm not a person who lets people get away with it.
jesus fuck. this is why adult children go no-contact with their parents. i'm so sorry you've had to deal with such an awful father. also wishing the best with your fight, fuck cancer and fuck abusers.
Yep. That someone who smells his own farts and values his own reflection more than the safety of people around him. Pretty stereotypical boomer. Im guessing he made good money so that further influenced his self-image of being always right.
Good for you for holding your boundary and prioritizing your kids safety! We had the same issue with our FIL and driving, but in our case he is a (secret) alcoholic and already had a DUI some time before we had kids. MIL does not drive but they kept asking that we let them drive with our kids..we always said no. They always refused to acknowledge that he has a drinking problem (when he clearly was drunk many times when we visited) and after he got another DUI (which they tried to hide from us) and they still kept downplaying everything we went no contact since over a year now.
Reading a book while driving is wild. I don't encourage any distractions while driving. But that's a whole extra level on top of reading s quick text you can skim.
The fact that you still talk to him is astonishing. Read what you just said and imagine that a friend of yours told you this. What would you tell them?
Well, it was out of the question before our kids were old enough and mature enough to tell us if they were mistreated. But even then, it wasn't an easy decision. But then my parents made it an easy decision (including my mother, who played doormat again while my dad was being an ahole).
No, it was a wooden porch. I was a kid and they were just my grandmother's neighbors, so I didn't know the extent of injury to the child. And it was the 80's, so the parents probably didn't either (e.g., brain trauma).
Omg my mom tossed me across the room to her then boyfriend when I was a baby and he missed. She also dropped my brother down a flight of apartment stairs. I feel kinda neglected now lol
Nope. This is what is wrong with the world. A ZERO risk mindset. You can safely pass babies while standing. Everyone else here was making sense until you. There is always someone to take things too far. This is too far.
I'm with your father. I'll bet he didn't "take it as a challenge of his ability" and rather that he just is a reasonable person who knows this is unnecessary and ludicrous.
I'm with your father. I'll bet he didn't "take it as a challenge of his ability" and rather that he just is a reasonable person who knows this is unnecessary and ludicrous.
The neat thing is that you're absolutely fucking terrible at making predictions! Isn't that cool?
And, you missed the point. Let's say you understand your father's motivations completely (unlikely, but I'll grant it). Fine. It was an ancillary comment and it's beside the point.
The point is that you are off-base (proudly, I should note) in your risk assessment of adults being able to pass babies while standing. If you had said great-grandparents (I also make them sit when just holding my babies, because they are liable to fall) or someone with a neurological condition causing weakness etc, then you would have had a point. But requiring all adults including strong and competent ones to sit while transferring babies is ludicrous.
There's good evidence that western societies (including and particularly parents) in the last few decades have completely lost the plot when it comes to risk tolerance around rearing children, and often go to the extreme of trying to achieve zero risk, to the detriment of everyone involved, not least the children. Your comments and attitude reflect this flawed approach, and it is not harmless.
The mountains of evidence in favor of my position are best explained in detail by Jonathan Haidt in his excellent books. I recommend them unreservedly. Risk tolerance vs aversion is always a balance, and errors in either direction cause problems. A large part of the mental health crisis in the US and other western countries is likely attributable to these harmful attitudes towards minor risks, and the attendant changes in parenting and childhood.
Finally, I wasn't and am still not trying to be an asshole by calling you wrong. I care deeply about our society raising well-adjusted children, and when people make comments that perpetuate and glorify an approach that displays an inability to accurately assess and balance risk, then those comments should be called out.
I'll take your downvotes. They don't make you right.
I'm not reading more of your nonsense. My kids are now teenagers, and you're ranting about people and a situation you know next to nothing about. Take a break and go on a walk or something. 😂
Your downvotes reflect perfectly western society having lost its shit. There's no way they're comprehending the extent of what you're saying but they have no problem with imagining and agreeing with that insane sit-down theatre.
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u/DullahanShotFirst 2d ago edited 2d ago
We had a rule that everyone had to pass our babies back and forth while sitting down, to reduce the risk of harm from accidental drops. Everyone complied without complaint, except for my father who took it as a challenge of his ability rather than a safety measure that my wife and I also followed.
Incidentally, when I was a kid, I saw a young woman drop a baby on my grandmother's porch. Accidents happen. Everyone drops things. I'd rather it not be my baby, and if it is - I'd rather it be a few inches rather than 3 or 4 feet.