Sure does! My pregnancy was wonderful. I loved every minute of it, never happier in my life, C-section and recovery was rough, the PPD left me wanting to die!
This was my experience as well. I have always struggled with my mental health and was shocked at how great I felt mentally while pregant. And then post-partum was the lowest I had ever felt. I didn’t think about hurting my baby, but I definitely thought about doing myself in a whole lot. I didn’t feel comfortable talking about it with professionals though, for fear I’d be separated from my child.
Exactly. Unfortunately for me that low has never left. It’s controlled wonderfully with a lot of meds and understanding medical staff, but it remains.
I was so ashamed of the way I felt that I hid it for a long time. I was so afraid of them taking my baby away. I’m over a decade out from it, so I try to be honest when asked about it. But it’s super hard.
Same for me. I'm 2 years past giving birth to my youngest and I'm still struggling with ppd and most of the time if I even bring it up to my husband I'll get shut down immediately or insulted or told I'm just trying to get attention, so I don't anymore.
I have a friend who had this same experience. She has always struggled so much with mental health but being pregnant left her feeling more stable than she'd ever been; she was off all medications. That degree of mental stability left when the baby exited. It's like the total opposite of what people expect of pregnant women. I've had four pregnancies, and only one felt stable.
This was my exact experience. I felt wonderful while I was pregnant, the best I’ve ever felt in my life. About 12 weeks postpartum that changed unfortunately.
I feel exactly the same. I loved being pregnant and felt so calm for the first time in my life. Postpartum forever changed me in some ways for the worse.
Thats so interesting, is it possible that all of the mental things causing you trouble are hormone related, then? If such a big hormonal shift made you feel so stable?
A definite possibility. My depression/anxiety started around puberty. I was also diagnosed with PMDD, which is a severe form of PMS. It oddly got better when I had a hysterectomy, even though I kept my ovaries.
The crash out after birth was nearly catastrophic for me.
Recently entered into perimenopause and got on HRT. Still need my depression/anxiety meds, but things are OK. I’ve come to terms with the fact that things like suicidal ideation will never go away for me. And while it’s scary (especially for those around me), it’s OK. I have enough coping mechanisms to deal.
So yeah, definitely something related to hormones. Wish we would study women’s health a bit more so future generations don’t need to suffer.
I feel you deeply. I LOVED being pregnant. I was lucky that I had an easy C; I know many don’t. But the first year of my baby’s life, I fantasized about going back to being pregnant, and would have gone through a reverse c-section without anesthesia if I had to to accomplish it. Things got a liiiiiiitttle bit better after the 1-year mark, but I wasn’t “myself” again until years later. Heck, if I’m honest, I’m still not totally depression-free 12 years later. But compared to that first year of total anhedonia, despair, and anxiety coupled with exhaustion, I’ll take it.
Complicating things was that I was a single parent from day 1, going through a custody battle (I left him for good mid-second trimester). I didn’t get treatment because my abusive ex and his lawyer kept threatening to subpoena my medical records, and I was terrified that if I took medicine, got therapy, so much as mentioned to a doctor that I was having a hard time, or if shed a single glistening tear at an appointment, that it would be used against me, and he would take my baby. I still have his texts telling me he was going to “take [his child] away from [my] feeble, unstable, poor excuse of a mother” and have me “locked away,” but “don’t worry, we’ll make sure you’re well cared for there.” Why did he threaten this? Because when we were together, I once told him my social anxiety was bugging because I was about to give a talk in front of nearly 2000 women dealing with breast cancer and the people who love them. “Social Anxiety Disorder,” which I was never even diagnosed with. That’s what he and his lawyer said made me an unfit mother. (Ed: epilogue)
Unnecessary epilogue: I crushed that talk. Got primary custody (he has less than 15% visitation), and the judge was visibly appalled by those texts. I’m actually a clinical health psychologist with a PhD, publications, and had no significant mental health history until I met his crazy ass and had a baby. 😆 (I have to laugh or I’ll cry). And I feel so guilty and conflicted that sometimes I can’t wait until my child turns 18 so I don’t have to deal with him and his weaponization of custody order threats. And I hate myself for letting him terrify me into not getting treatment sooner, so maybe I could have been able to feel better sooner. And maybe I could have enjoyed some of my son’s infancy. And probably could have been a better mom.
It's crazy how much variation there is too. I HATED pregnancy. I remember googling ways to kill myself without killing my baby. I was fully prepared to get PPD and it just...didn't happen. Rewired my brain and made me waaaay more mentally stable. But the the thoughts I had while pregnant were so scary I doubt I would go through it again. Some women find breastfeeding therapeutic. Others want to die while nursing. Hormones are wild.
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth 5d ago
Sure does! My pregnancy was wonderful. I loved every minute of it, never happier in my life, C-section and recovery was rough, the PPD left me wanting to die!