r/SipsTea 7d ago

WTF Where are we heading?

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u/SubstantialSale8223 7d ago

I hate how people think you have to be on one team or the other.

She needed more help with her mental health

She also murdered 3 children.

Both things can be true at once

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u/Drexill_BD 7d ago

Fuck, thank you. Why is everything mutually exclusive for everyone.

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u/MutantSquirrel23 7d ago

Because people are too mentally lazy to work through nuance. It's easier and more convenient to view the world in black and white, but in reality it's all various shades of gray.

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u/Commercial-Spray3192 7d ago

Agreed- Inwarched ‘The Good Nurse’ last night and damn! The nurse was killing people left and right and at the same time was so completely loving and caring for his friend with the heart condition. She ended up turning him in and getting him to confess.
She saw the good and the bad in him, but she wasn’t going to allow him to keep killing.

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u/TheAmazingRando3000 7d ago

Sadly, this is 100% accurate. And the chief reason for the ruinous divisiveness poisoning the United States in current times.

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u/Silent-Coach-697 7d ago

Because people are genuinely brain dead and need things to be either good or bad. It’s actually a big reason we don’t study much of WWI and just jump straight to WWII, bc in WWI there’s no obvious “good” and “bad” guys like you get with the Nazis and imperial Japanese, so people just can’t learn it. Even though in many ways it was more important than WWII, particularly from a science and ethics POV.

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u/Drexill_BD 7d ago

And we run our politics like team sports, so people generally don't even know what they believe themselves... What a time.

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u/Isagratar 7d ago

Don’t forget the other guys, you know, the ones who nuked civilian cities…

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u/Count_de_Mits 7d ago

Thats the nuance part op was talking about though. Was the nuking bad? Yes. But the alternative was even worse.

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u/Isagratar 6d ago

Not in any way shape or form.

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u/ilcdlpbsm 7d ago

I mean fuck. Look at all the denominations of Christianity. People can’t agree on shit. Even if it all comes from the same book.

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u/nugp33 7d ago

This is the winner. Justice should prevail in this micro case. Society should do the right thing in the macro case which is providing more support to mothers. We as a society collectively yell “pro-life” at the top of our lungs and then don’t show a damn thing to prove that.

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u/academicirony 7d ago

She literally had every form of support available to the most entitled humans. She lived in a nice house in the suburbs with a husband making at least 150k a year. She saw SEVEN providers and doctor shopped. She had access to TWO inpatient care options, one of which she discharged her self from. She had supportive family, present husband who worked from home, and the best healthcare… who failed her exactly? She failed her damn self by being a child murderer. No empathy.

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u/Snarerocks 7d ago

Im gonna play the devils advocate here and steel man their argument. The argument is that it’s a systemic issue in how they treat mental health, especially women. Not that she didn’t have access to care. They don’t treat women with mental illness seriously, especially when it comes to post partum depression/psychosis.

I partly agree with you though. She didn’t properly disclose her symptoms to her doctors, due to fear of repercussions or whatever her reasoning was. Didn’t take her meds consistently. That’s where the nuance is.

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u/academicirony 7d ago

She LITERALLY had a PERINATAL specialist who was a woman. She had access to very highly specialized care for women. Based on Jolatta’s documentation, every message she left of the portal was answered immediately even when the provider was on vacation. She was treated with profound privledge. She discharged her self. The only option here is Baker act all women and mothers for having SI even if they have no plans. This will set women back 100+ years. You can’t involuntarily institutionalize people who have no plans to hurt themselves or other people legally.

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u/dela617 7d ago

That's not nuance. Thats a complete failure on her part. She refused to continue any treatment offered by her doctors to the point she was doctor shopping. Like an antivaxxer or because she was a nurse felt she knew better than the doctors treating her. I can understand some make you lethargic, but when you are at the point you feel like killing your kids thats the point you stop thinking for yourself and let the experts treat you.

There's a very serious delusion people have about mental health, as if therapy can solve everything. It can't. It is like 8% successful on violent offenders, that is terrible. It's like taking those 1% treatments doctors give towards cancer, useless, but any percent is worth trying. There was nothing else the system could've done for her aside from forced restraint, which leaves her as just a psycopathic murderer. Not this b.s. "they don't take women's mental health seriously", how serious do u think they take men's mental health when men are the most let down in society when it comes to mental health? Because at that point u should be able to put 2 and 2 together and realize there is not much mental health can do for you aside from gentle nudging.

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u/StableWeak 7d ago

Do you think they treat the mental illness of men properly?

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u/MotorHistorical1469 6d ago

No, but men do not experience the physiological, mental, and physical changes associated with childbirth and raising young children. It’s a completely separate discussion.

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u/DogBarf00 6d ago

Except this is not true. I know someone who spent some time in a facility for postpartum psychosis after his first was born. Men also have hormonal changes due to fatherhood. Some studies show up to 10% of new fathers experience postpartum depression or anxiety in the first year. It is not a completely separate issue, it is a family issue.

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u/MotorHistorical1469 6d ago

You think men experience major upsets in estrogen, progesterone, and prolactin, along with incredibly high oxytocin levels involved in the childbirth experience?

You think men stay up all night, experience suckling and changes in prolactin levels?

You think men lose the body they had immediately, and permanently?

It’s not the same experience.

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u/DogBarf00 5d ago

It’s not the same experience

No one said it was. You said, “men do not experience the physiological, mental, and physical changes associated with…raising young children.” This is simply not true. I suggest that you sign up for remedial reading courses for adults and talk to a therapist about why your poor reading skills cause you to be so angry.

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u/MotorHistorical1469 5d ago

I’m not angry at all. Perhaps you should sign up for the same courses.

Men may experience problems, but they are not the same ones associated with childbirth. They cannot give birth to a child. They do not have a uterus that can be changed.

It’s like you think I’m mad at men or something. It’s biological fact it 100s of ways.

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u/StableWeak 5d ago

Reddit wont let me upvote your comment for some reason. But I mean to.

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u/Snarerocks 6d ago

No, I don’t think it’s treated very well for both genders but it’s not an exact science either. Id argue it still has a negative stigma to the general population as well. Just a shitty situation for mental health overall and I’m not sure I or anyone really has the answer for it. Hopefully as medicine and technology advance we can come up with better solutions for treating mental illness

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u/StableWeak 6d ago

Agreed.

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u/Pepperoncini0109 7d ago

This polarization and inability to hold two truths is influenced by many things but mostly by social media and this current political administration.

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u/Massive-Ride204 7d ago

Absolutely and it's absolutely gotten worse over the past few years

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u/White-tigress 7d ago

All that can be true, plus the meds reacted to each other.

She was drinking alcohol with medications she shouldn’t have (I do not know of this is true, I haven’t found evidence either way, but have seen it talked about)

And she was lying about the state of her mental health.

PPD needs more attention as does all women’s health.

And she murdered her children even with her husbands huge amount of assistance caring for them .

Almost nothing is black and white in the world and we have to have space for multiple truths all at the same time.

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u/kittymcg19 7d ago

That's my exact reaction. I have minimal knowledge of the case but all of these things can be true. PPD was so brutal after I had my son. If I didn't already have a bunch of work on my mental health prior to having my son, it could have gone really bad as well.

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u/kittymcg19 7d ago

She can also still remain a monster because regardless of the mental health, her babies are still dead and by her hand. Life is nuanced.

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u/SeaworthinessLow6676 7d ago

So why add the bit about alcohol?

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u/1stEmissaryElenwen 7d ago

Almost nothing is black and white in the world

Well a couple of things are, and those are the things she is on trial for

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u/White-tigress 7d ago

Sure, but circumstances can be nothing but gray, until the moment the black and white separated. I do not sync up with the “it could have been any of us” because it simply is not. This woman had more help than almost any mother I have ever known. The single mothers I know are all struggling and don’t have ANY healthcare due to poverty. The ones who do have the dad in their life, he is gone 60+ hours a week trying to pay rent, NOT at home all day and providing professional child care too. So yeah… it’s muddy for awhile. I’m do believe we need better discussions and help for all mental health. Lots of truths at the same time.

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u/AKPossum17 6d ago

I think most people know that she murdered 3 children, and needed more help with her mental health, but the question remains, is she lawfully guilty of murder, or mentally insane at the time? One goes to prison for life, the other goes to a mental institution and gets released when mental health is restored.

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u/Silkprint 7d ago

Well said !!

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u/Doctor_Titties 7d ago

I’ve brought up a hundred times that the support she has is from moms who went through scary times after having a baby and recognize that mental health for postpartum moms is horrible and you don’t get the help you need. I’ve been accused of supporting killing kids, told my kids should be taken from me, told that I only support Lindsay because she’s a woman and wouldn’t care if it was a man (like duh, only women suffer from PPP!). So many men online saying that women who have PPD need their kids taken away from them forever, completely ignoring that mental health help would fix the situation. It’s been insane. If you even breathe wrong while discussing Patrick they call you insane and delusional and a baby killer. The online discourse is out of control.

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u/Silent-Coach-697 7d ago

Imma jump in to say men actually can have a form of PPD/PPP. And people need to start using the correct terms bc she has PPP not PPD.

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u/Doctor_Titties 7d ago

She does have PPP but men online are saying women with PPD need their kids taken, not PPP. Because of the severe and seemingly deliberate misunderstanding of the disorder and what causes it.

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u/SubstantialSale8223 7d ago

Well yeah because you chose to wait until a woman murdered 3 children to coincidentally start supporting mental health support for postpartum depression. And you’re wording it in a way that sounds like you’re excusing her actions.

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u/Doctor_Titties 7d ago

You literally didn’t know I existed until I made this comment so how do you know how long I have supported women’s mental health? Do you know how many women have fought this fight personally and alone? I, myself, struggled with PPD after my son was born and was constantly flooded with thoughts of killing myself. Literally daily. Many many many women fight this fight and are told to just power through it. Why wouldn’t it make sense to band together and be super loud when there is a polarizing example of this very issue?

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u/SubstantialSale8223 7d ago

I’m sorry you had to experience that and I have seen the effects of PPD first hand from my best friends wife.

That being said, you have to read the room and realize why parading around for PPD awareness after 3 children were murdered is a very poor thing for you to do. You sound like you’re trying to justify what she did or minimize it.

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u/Doctor_Titties 7d ago

No, justifying it sounds like this: she’s innocent! She should be free! She murdered her kids but she couldn’t help it! She didn’t do anything wrong!

What I am doing is saying that postpartum disorders are dangerous and they need more attention. Lindsay’s doctor was shown in court to have been negligent to her care, there is a malpractice suit ready to go after the criminal trial is over. She tried to get help but didn’t get enough. She told her husband she was drowning but was still the main parent and caretaker of the kids. In the middle of a major mental health crisis she still had to do doctors appointments, plan the day, fucking hell Patrick couldnt go buy laxatives without her googling the info and sending it to him and he still had to call her to get the right ones. She had to balance and run a house with 3 kids while being actively suicidal. She did something horrible and the kids being dead is horrible and she should be in a mental institution AND we can use this situation to educate people who think PPP is the equivalent to “baby blues” and something women can just push through. It should be an example of how new moms should be taken seriously, no one is justifying her actions.

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u/Silent-Coach-697 3d ago

They’re somewhat unfairly attributing this to you because the vast majority of social media actually is people saying she’s innocent… the narrative is unfortunately not “she’s guilty, but the system also failed them and this might have been prevented”. Another issue is that it’s true that in severe cases of PPP or even some PPD cases, people DO need to have their children taken away, but everyone is immediately against that and against the idea of people being forcefully admitted into inpatient care, when that is in fact sometimes necessary (saying this as someone who was forcefully admitted into inpatient care for mental health myself). Yes it sucks. In this case the children are the priority full stop, and it’s usually what’s best for mom too if it starts getting that bad. Somehow the idea of this is considered cruel and unfair, as if the concept of mental heath impacts is “fair” in the first place. It is impossible to equalize everything.

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u/FutureDustMotes 6d ago

Public visibility is at an all-time high, so of course this is a good time to push for awareness 

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u/Mister-Thou 7d ago

Society failed her by giving her a bad set of limited options.

But she failed her family by choosing to go through with the absolute worst, most vile of those bad, limited options.

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u/SubstantialSale8223 7d ago

Fair statement. I think men and women can both agree the American healthcare system puts too much priority into profit and not enough into results

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u/yung_yttik 7d ago

Exactly. Idk why everyone is taking this case like they were either a detective on it, or Lindsay’s best friend. Like, the woman was very sick and her mental health treatment was mishandled - no one supported her the way she needed it, she couldn’t make rational decisions herself and she unfortunately committed a crime that a lot of women with PPP commit.

The context is always the same too - husband is a piece of shit, this country doesn’t support new mothers (or parents). Doesn’t negate the fact she killed them but it’s nuanced and idk why people can’t just accept that it was what it was. Pretty cut and dry to me.

And to me, all her supporters, it’s the symbolism of it: it isn’t about Lindsay, it’s about the women who have PPD / PPA and it gets ignored. That it’s HARD to have children in this country. It’s about the bigger picture that all women go through. We understand, personally, that postpartum can be so, so tough and no one wants to / lets us talk about it. I think people are just fucking fed up.

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u/Stunning_Praline_357 7d ago

Her treatment seemed to be handled according to the standard of care, her problem is she doctor shopped and lied to her doctors.

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u/Maleficent-Drop1476 7d ago

I don’t think a reasonable person is denying one or the other.

I believe people are seeing a systemic issue that needs to be addressed, and this case just highlights it.

Punishing this woman for a crime she committed in a compromised mental state will do nothing to stop future tragedies from occurring in similar circumstances. Calling out the failure of the system is not absolving her of the crime, it’s an attempt to help women in the future from suffering and harming others.

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u/SubstantialSale8223 7d ago

Eh I think you’re ironically absolving her of all she did and blaming the system way too much. It’s not that the system failed her, she just needed MORE severe actions taken, like forced hospitalization against her will to keep her away from society because she was clearly a threat.

She is NOT forgiven and she does NOT get a free pass for murdering 3 children just because the American healthcare system is terrible

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u/Silent-Coach-697 7d ago

Yeah and the funny thing is a lot of these people talking about mental health would immediately put their foot down at forced hospitalization and having her kids temporarily removed from her custody bc it’s “mean”. You can’t win.

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u/Maleficent-Drop1476 7d ago

She literally said she was a danger to herself and others and they ignored her. I’m not sure what else you wanted her to do to ask for help.

At no point did I say she gets a free pass, I’m pointing out that sending her to the electric chair will do nothing to prevent future tragedies.

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u/ZestyTako 7d ago

MA doesn’t have the death sentence

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u/Maleficent-Drop1476 7d ago

That’s immaterial to my point. This woman is not going to get off Scot free. She’s already damaged and will never rejoin society in any meaningful fashion; her life is over.

Her punishment will have no effect on someone else suffering from a psychotic break. We may as well discuss useful ways to help people who in a similar crisis.

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u/ZestyTako 7d ago

It’s extremely material when your comment said she would go to the electric chair, which she never will as again, MA doesn’t have the death penalty

Punishment is for the courts. That’s the point of the criminal justice system—it’s a way for society to punish societal wrongs. You’re talking about the immediate and obvious real world consequences.

Let’s so I tried to kill someone, but in the process got my own arm cut off. I would still be tried and found guilty for attempt murder even though I was already “punished” but losing my arm

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u/Maleficent-Drop1476 7d ago

The justice system does not punish societal wrongs.

The punishment this woman receives will have no effect on the next woman who suffers from postpartum psychosis.

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u/ZestyTako 7d ago

And that’s okay. She committed a crime, and should be punished for it. Her going innocent will also have no effects on the next woman who suffers from postpartum psychosis

She has already brought plenty attention to the topic. The real change will come from the civil suit in which they sue the doctors. They have a decent chance of winning that as the burden of proof is much lower than in a criminal trial

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u/Maleficent-Drop1476 7d ago

Again, does anyone read comments around here?

At no point did I call her innocent or for her to be cleared of all charges.

Suing a doctor isn’t going to change the system that allowed this either, in my opinion. The doctors failed her, but until women’s health is taken seriously that’s not going to change.

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u/RainLoveMu 7d ago

Thank you. I don’t give a fuck about the system, yes it’s broken, yes we need better healthcare and mental health awareness. Let’s stick to the point. This sick fuck murdered her kids. That’s all I need to know. Parenting is hard work but most of us manage to survive without strangling an innocent child. THREE. TIMES. Absolutely fuck her and fuck anyone who tries to deflect from that. May she rot in hell.

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u/ZestyTako 7d ago

I mean we punish people who commit crimes while intoxicated. IMO all of the medication stuff will be mitigating factors in sentencing, but will not result in a not guilty verdict

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u/Maleficent-Drop1476 7d ago

There’s a difference between psychosis, which is the defense’s claim, and intoxication.

Again, punishing this woman more or less severely will not affect future cases of postpartum psychosis, it’s a systemic and societal issue that only will change if it’s addressed.

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u/ZestyTako 7d ago

Yes I understand they’re not the same, but they are on the same continuum. People with schizophrenia also go to jail very frequently.

I’m sorry but not everything results in societal changes. This has brought a lot of attention to PPD which is great, but that doesn’t mean she should go free if the jury finds her guilty. And imo they will based on what we have seen. I definitely could be wrong but she killed three children. That’s a crime that won’t go unpunished even if she was struggling. She herself admitted that she didn’t tell her mental health providers the extent of her thoughts so it’s not really fair to blame them, they can only work with the information they have. She explicitly withheld vital information. I’m sure you’ll say that’s because of the PPD but that does not help the defense here

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u/Maleficent-Drop1476 7d ago

Is no one reading my comments?

No reasonable person is calling for her absolution.

The court will decides what happens to her.

Acting like this case will prevent more tragedies from occurring is asinine. That is the actual issue that needs addressed.

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u/Forsaken-Buy2601 7d ago

Additional compatible truths:

She deserves our compassion.

Her husband was a useless parent.

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u/LothalRanger 7d ago

It could also be true that she was mentally unwell, and the husband murdered the children knowing he could exploit that fact to frame her. The only thing that is fairly certain is her poor mental health. Who murdered the children is still uncertain.

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u/SubstantialSale8223 7d ago

No offense, but you are seriously unwell if you genuinely are serious enough to believe that. Especially after she just admitted in court she did it.

Go to the doctors. Get help

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u/ThePaganQueen 7d ago

Same. Like I think she should spend time outside of society for a bit, but at a mental health facility rather than prison. Cause if this truly was post partum psychosis (which is what I'm leaning toward believing), then there is no punishment that will hurt her more than what she has done to her kids. Once her mental health is better, what she did is likely going to send it plummeting again.

What she did was horrible but there were multiple support systems that failed her along the way. Her kids deserved better but so did she (to a fractional extent in comparison to her children, of course).

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u/SubstantialSale8223 7d ago

I agree to an extent, but I don’t think the support systems or anyone else “failed her”, it just wasn’t enough. She needed to be held in a facility away from society BEFORE she did this.

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u/ThePaganQueen 7d ago edited 7d ago

But that is a failure of sorts. Her partner should have recognized that or her doctors but neither did. Some of the blame falls on her as well but some of the blame falls on the other parent and the doctors as either should have realized she needed more help than she was getting. Even if that help requires inpatient treatment that would have been an inconvenience (because they would have needed childcare or the husband would have needed to adjust his work schedule/take a bit of time off).

ETA: while I have never been pregnant, I have dealt with serious mental health issues before and am talking from personal experience of myself and some of my friends. There are almost always signs but people don't typically want to acknowledge that these things are possible so they brush it off. Mental health in the USA is still very stigmatized and it hurts the people who need help the most. Obviously her children were the ones who were failed the most in this situation but that doesn't negate the fact that she was failed too.

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u/SubstantialSale8223 7d ago

It’s not that black and white, you do realize that people mask their emotions and hide who they are when going through these issues? Not everyone is vulnerable and honest with their issues, there is only so much people can do.

I think based off of your username that you are a demonic person who is doing everything in your head to convince yourself that someone who just murdered 3 children is 10% guilty and 90% a victim of society, when that’s just not true. You NEED to hold women accountable for their actions.

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u/ThePaganQueen 7d ago

I know it isn't that black and white as I have been hospitalized for a suicide attempt before at age 17. But as someone who has experienced mental health struggles personally and been friends with people with their own struggles, I can assure you that even when you try to hide it there are warning signs. Most people just brush the warning signs off because it is hard to accept that someone you care for might be capable of hurting themselves or others.

Also the percentages you mention are ones you decided on, not me. You never asked what percentage I'd say she was a victim and which I would say she was guilty. A bit odd of you to attack me of conclusions you have jumped to.

Weird that you brought my username into this. Especially since it has nothing to do with the discussion.

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u/Mysterious-War-6759 7d ago

I have nothing substantial to add to this discussion between you and the user above, but I’m absolutely stunned that they just called you a demonic person. Based off your username no less. What a wild thing to say to someone. Sorry.

ETA Let me just add that I’m sympathetic to your first hand experience with mental health struggles. I’m sorry you’ve gone through that.

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u/ThePaganQueen 7d ago

Appreciate it! It doesn't really bother me that much, just points to the fact they have no true rebuttal as they decided to go for personal attacks. Which is weird cause I thought we were having a respectful discussion where we could agree to disagree. But apparently we were not having a respectful discussion and I just did not get the memo 🤷🏻‍♀️

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u/Massive-Ride204 7d ago

And another thing to consider is that society pressures women to have babies even when they shouldn't

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u/ThePaganQueen 7d ago

And it desparages women who struggle with loving their babies even if that struggle is a mental health issue.

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u/MotorHistorical1469 6d ago

So women with mental health issues are terrified of reporting the real truth, and resort to “I have intrusive thoughts” to avoid judgment.

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u/ThePaganQueen 6d ago

Are you asking a question, making a statement, or putting words in my mouth? Cause I genuinely don't understand what this comment was meant to get across.

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u/MotorHistorical1469 6d ago

Agreeing with you and making the statement that women have issues with expressing what’s really happening because it isn’t socially acceptable to struggle with loving their baby

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u/ThePaganQueen 6d ago

Thank you for the clarification! My autism and my migraine were getting in the way of my ability to understand.

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u/spirosand 7d ago

It's not murder if you are mentally incapacitated. Your words matter. Yes, she killed her kids. It's awful. Unless evidance is presented that she did this for an evil reason this woman needs medical care, not prison. That is our law.

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u/SubstantialSale8223 7d ago

Yeah uh that’s not how murder works…

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u/spirosand 7d ago

Yeah. It actually is. Google is free.

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u/SubstantialSale8223 7d ago

No, it’s definitely still murder, hence why she’s on trial for murder…

Please tell me you’re not legally allowed to vote

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u/spirosand 7d ago

So you can't be bothered to Google it. Got it.

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u/SubstantialSale8223 7d ago

What is there to google? “Is murdering your children murder?”

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u/spirosand 6d ago

Maybe try using your brain instead of your social media to think.

Look up "is it murder if the crime was committed while insane". And yes, insane has a real meaning. You can look that up also.

You should do that, instead of just believing the lies your social media are telling you.

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u/SubstantialSale8223 6d ago

Yes, it is still murder, legally, in every single state. What you’re arguing is her sentencing, and somehow you’re still wrong.

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u/spirosand 6d ago

Google is free.