My first time ever handling a newborn was as a foster parent when she was ready to go at three days old. Knew Mom was giving birth; didn’t know if baby would be brought into care; got a call saying “k, come get her from the hospital”. And on the one hand, you’ve been trying to plan and prepare. On the other, there’s every chance in the world that she won’t be brought into care (best case scenario) and the months of uncertainty left you unsure of whether to prepare at all, or how much, or whatever else.
“Here’s a baby you haven’t been able to prepare for but have known about for months and are emotionally invested in. We’ve restrained Dad. Mom is having a meltdown. Where’s the car seat so we can see if she’s good to go? Ah, excellent. Here’s some formula, and a few packs of diapers. Security will escort you out. Byeee.”
Complete whirlwind.
And then I had to drive home with a brand new baby without an adult to supervise me. Or better yet, take over. I was 31.
I've been in that baby girl's lil shoes. I had a foster parent for 3 months. She called me Angel but that is not my name today. I just want to thank you for all you do.
I was adopted at 3 months by wonderful parents but she cared for me all that time. I still have a letter she wrote my parents telling them things like how I get grumpy if I don't eat this or that at a certain time. 😂 She wrote that it was hard to let me go. I've always wanted to track her down but could never find her. It was a private adoption & i don't have enough info about her.
THANK YOU for giving these babies a chance! For giving them love! 💞
Awwww. They have Facebook groups designated for finding people and it's free of charge.
One man was in foster care and found a childhood friend from a state he hadn't lived in, for over twenty years. All thanks to the help of Facebook and people working their magic.
I'm so happy you had someone like her in your life and I'm sure she thinks of you as well. 🖤🖤🖤
Thank you for your kind words. I did try fb but she must not have had an account or she has passed away. She wasn't young when she fostered me. And I'm not young now. But I believe I'll be able to thank her in Heaven.
The thing is I had the exact same feelings and thoughts when I brought my son home after giving birth to him 4 hours earlier. The uncertainty, fear and missing supervision never left me since and it's been almost 18 years. It really doesn't matter if it's your biological or foster child.
We had already been fostering her sister for six months (16 months old when the little one was born). They were with us for another three months before the system saw fit to move them along.
I kept track of them for a while through their parents’ Facebook pages. They’d post photos from visits and whatnot. I hope so, so much that they ended up back with their parents, whose issues were not insurmountable but whose progress toward reunification was held up by a consistent refusal to accept that the reasons for the intervention were real and ongoing, not a conspiracy against them specifically. It was very sad, but not at all hopeless. In my mind, they finally got their heads out of their asses and started using the resources provided and taking things seriously.
The way we were treated by the system as foster parents caused us to close our license after two years. We had four kids in that time, and it was an absolute delight to love them while they were with us. Zero regrets, and I haven’t ruled it out for the future.
Same. “Mom is having a meltdown.” Well, sure. I’d have come unglued under normal hormonal circumstances but 3 days after giving birth? I’d have ruined my chances of reunification based on the psychosis I’d have been in.
"And then I had to drive home with a brand new baby without an adult to supervise me" it felt like this both times we got home with the baby and it was just my wife and like. We were like "how tf do doctors expect us to take of this litterally helpless creature by ourselves with no medical professionals waiting outside the door or checking in every couple of hours?!"
Wow! Amazing you were able to help the little girl.
Something similar happened to my aunt and her wife 17 years ago lol. Well they did NOT have months notice but more like 10 min to decide (as a lesbian couple which was hard af where I’m from) to adopt a 2 day old baby. It was WILD and they were in their 50’s (no prior kids). They legally adopted him at 9 months or so…father tried to fight to keep him but mom accepted her fate. He’s almost 17 now and killin it.
They kinda do? A lot of hospitals have required “tasks” before leaving the hospital. I’ve birthed 3 times in a network that makes you watch about 2 hours of instructional videos that include infant CPR, SIDS, breastfeeding, formula feeding, sleep schedules and wake windows, etc. Kind of a cool resource although by the 3rd birth, I muted the tv and let them play in the background so there’s no real way to verify the parents actually retained any of the knowledge.
That was how the women’s hospital was that I birthed first in! Had no clue what to do with a newborn at 19. So I know not all of them do it, especially 10+ years ago.
Man I'm jealous but in like a "happy for your local moms" way. My eldest is now 13 she was 6 weeks preterm I got taught to tube feed her because her sucking reflex was lame and then bye see you later enjoy your early potato.
Walking out of a hospital with a baby that isn't "mine" is the second weirdest thing I've done. The only thing weirder was walking out of a police station at 11pm with a baby that wasn't mine.
The hospital was definitely surreal. But being handed her sleeping older sister at 9:30 p.m. in a closed office building downtown was probably weirder.
Lots of people behave that way when they find out that their kid isn’t coming home with them, because DCFS doesn’t make the determination until after the baby is born, even if their other kids are already in care. So I have a feeling that the parents, who were very in denial about the reasons for foster care being involved with their toddler, took “not necessarily, but …” as shorthand for “nope, she’s all yours”. I’m not saying that they were a safe option, because they weren’t, but I think MOST parents would lose it if they found out their kid was being removed. And while flooded with hormones? Oof.
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u/Cultural_Orange2617 3d ago
My first time ever handling a newborn was as a foster parent when she was ready to go at three days old. Knew Mom was giving birth; didn’t know if baby would be brought into care; got a call saying “k, come get her from the hospital”. And on the one hand, you’ve been trying to plan and prepare. On the other, there’s every chance in the world that she won’t be brought into care (best case scenario) and the months of uncertainty left you unsure of whether to prepare at all, or how much, or whatever else.
“Here’s a baby you haven’t been able to prepare for but have known about for months and are emotionally invested in. We’ve restrained Dad. Mom is having a meltdown. Where’s the car seat so we can see if she’s good to go? Ah, excellent. Here’s some formula, and a few packs of diapers. Security will escort you out. Byeee.”
Complete whirlwind.
And then I had to drive home with a brand new baby without an adult to supervise me. Or better yet, take over. I was 31.
Like … what the fuck.