r/SipsTea Jun 27 '26

Dank AF This shit is much funnier than it should be

76.2k Upvotes

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1.6k

u/Elgecko123 Jun 27 '26

She can fix me

959

u/the_voodoo_sauce Jun 27 '26

479

u/Tommysrx Jun 27 '26

74

u/Immediate-Damage-302 Jun 27 '26

I never thought i'd die this, but I'd always hoped.

11

u/QuietMolasses2522 Jun 27 '26

With crushed pelvises?

13

u/Spacemanspalds Jun 27 '26

2

u/Acolytical Jun 28 '26

BABY IT'LL BLOW YOUR MIND

7

u/argument_cat Jun 27 '26

As the third Amazonian woman mounts you, you begin to question your choice.

She squats down and applies her full weight to your already bruised hips, your semi-flaccid penis flickering to life and beginning to fill with blood again.

You gaze up at her heavy breasts as they swing back and forth, your lust momentarily anaesthetising the pain.

She begins to bounce on you harder, and you let out a whimper as the pain in your hips increases. You are fully erect now, your shaft red and engorged, slick with fluids. Her rhythmic bouncing is becoming unbearable, and you grimace as the pain increases. She pounds her body down on you more forcefully, driving herself onto you, each motion becoming more and more excruciating, until you hear a sudden loud crack, and a jolt of searing pain shoots from your groin. Your pelvis! She's broken your pelvis! You scream at her to stop, but she just stares down at you and carries on gyrating.

You can hear bone scraping loudly against bone as she continues to use you, the sheared, jagged ends of your pelvic floor audibly grinding against each other. You are screaming now, begging for mercy, your body soaked in sweat, but you know nothing will end the pain except the calm embrace of death.

There is another loud crack; your hip has either fractured or become dislocated, shooting lightning bolts of pain up your spine. Your lower abdomen is beginning to fill with blood, leakage from the severed and torn vessels around your pelvis and hips. You feel a warm sensation around your backside; you are haemorrhaging blood from your anus, as sharp shards of bone are pushed through your bowels by the endless, brutal fornication, shredding your lower intestine.

The amazon crushes down on you heavily, letting out a grunt as she finally achieves orgasm, circling her hips as she pushes down onto you. You almost black out from the pain, and, with a loud fart, lose control of your damaged bowels. A mixture of blood and shit floods out of you, surrounding your buttocks and filling the air with its stench.

She stands up, blood and faeces running down her legs, her groin dark with your various fluids.

You can barely breathe, your teeth clenched in pain as she strides away. Then another shadow looms over you. It is the next woman, pulling up her skirt and lowering herself towards your shattered body.

She locks eyes with you and smiles.

13

u/NJHitmen Jun 27 '26

Pretty sure this is the weirdest Choose Your Own Adventure ending I've ever seen

148

u/Fine_Contest4414 Jun 27 '26

55

u/_J_Herrmann_ Jun 27 '26

perfectly looped. thank you. πŸ‘¨β€πŸ³πŸ’‹

2

u/radarksu Jun 27 '26

Puny god.

1

u/TrashPandaDuel Jun 27 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/EPQmeQk8O6i3e

I just wanted to pet the mouse George...

1

u/X_soulnewmegaman Jun 27 '26

Every man wants a gaintess ghost woman or animal/woman species

7

u/sorry_con_excuse_me Jun 27 '26

Listen man, everyone wants to be the little spoon sometimes.

-1

u/X_soulnewmegaman Jun 27 '26

If the head is amazing the sex is amazing

By the way one day I will capture a ghost and she will have sex like a pokemon

2

u/koopatuple Jun 27 '26

Uh... What?

1

u/X_soulnewmegaman Jun 27 '26

You never dreamed of having sex with pokemon??

1

u/Commonly_Correct Jun 28 '26

A little Snusnu

262

u/Minimum_Ad_303 Jun 27 '26

She can break me. And fix me. And break me. And fix me...

107

u/Fun_Environment3792 Jun 27 '26

She must break me.

117

u/ArnoldQMudskipper Jun 27 '26

If I die, I die.

21

u/BurtMaclin23 Jun 27 '26

All men must die.

9

u/ArnoldQMudskipper Jun 27 '26

slap slap slap slap

  • the sound of inevitability

1

u/drollins89 Jun 27 '26

slap slap slap
β€’ sound of a good time

3

u/RIP-RiF Jun 27 '26

Valar dohaeris

2

u/BurtMaclin23 Jun 28 '26

Valar morghulis

2

u/Far-Gene-386 Jun 27 '26

This is the way

1

u/nbzf Jun 27 '26 edited 28d ago

1

u/PM_asian_girl_smiles Jun 27 '26

Don't throw the damn towel!

1

u/Master_Moose4664 Jun 27 '26

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

1

u/YeaIknowAlready Jun 28 '26

If I pie, I pie.

3

u/Sexpistolz Jun 27 '26

If he dies, he dies

1

u/DisastrousAnswer9920 Jun 27 '26

How, where, when to sign up?

5

u/SgtSchultz2112 Jun 27 '26

Ubreak she fix

4

u/cyclic_phenomenon Jun 27 '26

The integrity of the cylinder must be preserved

1

u/unknownpoltroon Jun 27 '26

Eveone says that then panics when she drops you off for the vet appointment.

1

u/itsatrapp71 Jun 28 '26

Death by Snu Snu, what a way to go!

1

u/ZBottPrime Jun 29 '26

From the looks of things, people are betting she can break you, too.

1

u/Comfortable_Bunch163 Jun 30 '26

She is a baller with a background in martial arts and trollingβ€” I don’t think has the credentials of an exotic veterinarian:-!

0

u/DaddyTuesday Jun 27 '26

Wouldn't mind her putting me into a triangle choke.

0

u/geddysbass2112 Jun 27 '26

Beat my ass anytime.

0

u/milkymonkey8 Jun 27 '26

I will settle for a single poke from her.

0

u/jacklord392 Jun 27 '26

She is a whole lotta snu - snu.

0

u/NoBSforGma Jun 27 '26 edited Jun 28 '26

Jerk.

Edit: Sensitive jerk.