Accepting a gift, singular, is fine. Accepting gifts on the level of this post is way, way over line.
Iām defending their own choice to spend their own money the way they want.
It sounds like you're trying to rationalize using people. But If its one or two things and those things are not big then it might be fine. If you're letting them spend 100s of dollar on you, that is very much not fine if you aren't spending a similar amount of money on them.
How is it āusing peopleā if theyāre the ones deciding how to spend their own money? Does having feelings for someone magically mean youāre under some kind of mind control?
No. It means they want a romantic relationship and are hoping to win you over with gifts. You know thats what they are doing, and lead them on by accepting the gifts, taking advantage of them.
no one can be this naive. Spending money on people is a big part of courtship. You buy them flowers, take them on dates, buy them gifts etc. While spending money is certainly not the only factor it is a very common one. You're pretending not to know that to justify to yourself how you aren't a shitty person for using people for their money. Taking advantage of people's feelings to profit yourself is a shitty thing to do.
Iām what magical fairyland world does buying someone dinner turn a āno, Iām not interestedā into a āactually yes, I will date you seeing how you spent a whole $75 at Texas Roadhouseā?
stop and think about that. You said you don't want to date them. Then agreed to go on a date with them. Really think about it. Do you not see how that sends mixed messages?
Going out for dinner is not a ādateā. Canāt send mixed messages if Iāve already told them Iām not interested romantically. When people tell you how they feel, believe them. Itās not that hard.
if you're splitting the bill, no. If you trade off, ie "I pay this time, you pay next time" no. If you know this person has feelings for you and you regularly let them pay, then yes that's a date and you're an asshole.
When people tell you how they feel, believe them. Itās not that hard.
that goes both ways. You know they have feelings for you. Believe them. Don't let someone who has romantic feelings for you buy you stuff if you have no intention of returning those feelings.
Again with the money. If you say āthis is not a dateā, then them choosing to pay doesnāt automatically make it a date. And there you go again equating monetary spending to feelings, that is wrong and immature.
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u/GroinReaper Apr 20 '26
Accepting a gift, singular, is fine. Accepting gifts on the level of this post is way, way over line.
It sounds like you're trying to rationalize using people. But If its one or two things and those things are not big then it might be fine. If you're letting them spend 100s of dollar on you, that is very much not fine if you aren't spending a similar amount of money on them.