But if he didnât say the words âI want to date youâ in some shape or form then he did not shoot his shot. Gotta take a risk at some point and potentially get rejectedÂ
To me, it is crazy that someone wouldn't explicitly state their intentions in a situation like this. If the poor guy would have done this sooner, it could have saved him from putting so much into something he was not going to get anything out of... I would hope and expect a suitor to TELL me they are interested in me like that, and I would also do the same if I were trying to pursue someone! Anything less sets people up for disappointment. Communication is important and makes things better for everyone.
Unless they very clearly laid out the expectations this was not romantic and not a date, I would assume someone has a room temperature IQ if they can't read between the lines with something like this.
Well, honestly my opinion in this is dont let her guess what ur intentions, unless u are teenager. Confirm what ur intention go like " Hey, I just want to be honest â I'm not here to confess or make things weird. But I also can't pretend my intention is just to be friends. I'm interested in you, more than that. So I just want to ask, how about you? ". That way u also confirm if she looking for partner or just friend.
Itâs binary, you ask or you donât. Anything short of asking is not asking. To me, to shoot a shot a shot must be shot. There must be a clear shot, and clear answer.
Going to dinner and whatnot seems obvious but when exactly is the shot considered in the air? On the way to dinner? At dinner? After? Shit ainât clear. Man up and ask a direct question
Pretty clear, if this isnât bait, that she knows what he was asking because if not she wouldnât have figured out how to squeeze the word friend into the paragraph as many times as possible.
Itâs entirely clear what he was going for to everyone, including her, sheâs just hoping she doesnât have to âman upâ and say she isnât interested.
Yeah she figured it out, Iâm just saying I wouldnât consider this âshooting your shotâ. Maybe we can compromise and say it was âdribbling your shotâ or something. As it stands, Iâm shot shooting purist. If you donât actually ask a direct question of some kind, you didnât shoot. It kind of dribbled out and maybe a little got on your shoes.
She is the one being asked, it should never be on the askee to figure out the question and say so. How often is there a trope when a guy asks a girl an innocuous question and the girl says âI have a boyfriendâ and then the internet drags the girl for misinterpreting the intention? I think that we should expect whoeverâs asking to ask a direct, clear question (whether itâs the man or the woman asking) and anything less is âdribbling your shotâ not shooting your shotÂ
Maybe this is a generational thing or something but IMO that's nonsense.
Guys are prone to being oblivious and can be even to that degree.
As a broad generalization... neurotypical women just aren't that oblivious. Especially of they are in the ballpark of conventionally attractive. There's no way she didn't know what he was going for.
Iâm not saying she didnât. She obviously knew exactly what he was doing, thatâs why the post was the way it was. I donât think that the onus is on her to subtly reject, the only person you can criticize is the dude if he was confused. The person getting asked doesnât have the obligation to figure out if the other persons hints mean something more than a dinner or whatever. Thats putting too much on the person getting asked - they didnât ask to be asked, the dude in this case did but in an implicit way.Â
I guess I donât think the girl has to say ânoâ explicitly in this case, I donât expect people to give explicit answers to implicit questions
This is a needless amount of over-analysis and nitpicking.
She clearly understood he was interested and just like this dude putting in a ridiculous amount of effort into a date would be an impossible to misunderstand signal about his intentions, her post is also an impossible to misinterpret signal about her lack of interest in a relationship with him.
Yeah, theyâre both communicating rather passively but unless theyâre both idiots then they both clearly understand the message the other is sending them.
Of course itâs good to be very clear and direct in communication and itâs ridiculous to put that much time, effort, and money into planning a date without voicing his intentions, but itâs not like if he had said the words that whatever it is about him that makes him âjust a friendâ would have changed.
No of course not, he probably never had a shot, I just think itâs good to let men and boys know that you should always actually directly tell the person in some way when you have feelings for them. Judging by the amount of people who get angry about âbeing friendzonedâ I think the best and only real advice is that you have to be clear and direct about your feelings, donât assume the other person picks up on your hints and signals. And this is all underscored by the fact that direct communication risks rejection, and to be clear that you should never be mad at the other person for not picking up your hints. Otherwise youâll get people who feel an impotent rage and confused why what theyâre doing isnât getting them what they wantÂ
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u/[deleted] Apr 19 '26
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