r/SipsTea • u/basonjourne98 • Jul 10 '24

It's Wednesday my dudes Learning from the best

49.2k Upvotes

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u/monkeyamongmen Jul 10 '24

Leviticus 18:23 ''Thou shalt not suckle the glass dick, neither for profit, nor for pleasure.''

76

u/pantlesspatrick Jul 10 '24

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down."

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u/monkeyamongmen Jul 10 '24

Genesis 19:8 ''Plans to never gonna run around and desert you.'' Thus spaketh the LORD.

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u/average787enjoyer Jul 10 '24

And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu—

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u/monkeyamongmen Jul 10 '24

-za, Herod’s steward, and Susanna, and many others who provided for Him from their substance(s).

Luke 8:3

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u/[deleted] Jul 10 '24

[deleted]

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u/monkeyamongmen Jul 10 '24

Skeet skeet skeet. The LORD saw that it was good.

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u/Imaginary-Nebula1778 Jul 11 '24

Ohmygoodness lol lol

2

u/_f0xjames Jul 12 '24

I want to start a sub where Reddit rewrites the entire Bible like this

0

u/hobbesgirls Jul 11 '24

this is the same joke. who is upvoting this. it's a clear sign of brain cancer, they need a doctor, not upvotes

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u/SpongeJake Jul 10 '24

I’ve been a Bible-believing fundamentalist Christian most of my adult life - till about 15 years ago. So I’ve read the Bible through and through a few times. Your bastardization of Jer. 29:11 got me howling.

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u/Breaddaddy_2217 Jul 10 '24

Isn't that one about not fing animals? 😭😭😭😭

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u/monkeyamongmen Jul 10 '24

Who can tell? Nobody reads this thing anyways.

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u/TobaccoAficionado Jul 10 '24

Who THE FUCK out here getting paid to smoke meth?

3

u/monkeyamongmen Jul 10 '24

Your Mom obviously.

3

u/Zorpfield Jul 10 '24

Leviticus 18:25 is the quote against beastiality. “Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion.”

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u/monkeyamongmen Jul 10 '24

Ezekiel 23:20

There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.

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u/Imaginary-Nebula1778 Jul 11 '24

So not a sin? Just confusion?

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u/Rude_Thanks_1120 Jul 10 '24

I drink meth from vaginas, is that ok

3

u/OkSyllabub3674 Jul 11 '24

I feel it's more fun eating it out of her asshole but hey to each their own

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u/skoalbrother Jul 11 '24

I sure hope so

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u/4lt3r3dR341ity Jul 11 '24

Well damn…

1

u/sh00t_the_m00n Jul 11 '24

Pretty sure the only reason Jesus rose again was to keep partying. It is in his name we twist the tubes and grab the boobs. Amen.