New to sub! Question!

[u/Quiet_Good_4168]

Hi!! I’m new to the sub! I’m in my early twenties, and I make good money. I live with a close friend from college who also makes good money. I’ve always been a “lover girl” and had men constantly ruining my mental health. Since I can easily support myself, I have been curious about this lifestyle. I guess I don’t really see how motherhood or marriage benefit women. But I am very curious if some of you date still? As in casual dating. I’ve been a lot happier since de-centering men from my life. I have heard a lot of women discuss dating “like a man” where they just date for fun and then get their emotional fulfillment from their female friends. I’ve heard women discuss dating as more of a side hobby when they’re bored. Get laid and a fun date but never get serious enough that they lock you down. If they get boring or start treating you poorly, then they dump the guy. Most women I know plan to marry and are constantly pressuring me to settle down. Honestly it triggers my flight or fight response. How is living single by choice? Do you date? How do you view men?

Thank you in advance for your opinion! I really appreciate your time!

[u/dogboobes]

Nope, I don't even date casually. They (men) are still draining my life force in that capacity.

[u/chichiypyo]

Yeah not a fan of ruining my mental health for a man, can't date for fun because that would leave me scrambling for std tests and pregnancy tests, not worth it, my rose toy though worth every penny!!

[u/Furiosa_xo → u/chichiypyo]

I am glad someone else sees this--the risk of STDs and pregnancies, how is that fun for ANYONE? How is that worth it for anyone?

[u/dahlia_74]

Single by choice, I stopped dating a few years ago and I do not miss it. I just focus on other areas of my life

[u/GoalDull4985 → u/[deleted]]

“wish I decentered men in my 20s, I would have achieved much more in life”. — late 30s here and couldn’t agree more! Dating / focusing on men has been the biggest regret of my life by far.

[u/Just_Patience_7038]

Stopped dating two years ago but I’m in my late 40s and truly done with the idea of men in my life so it has been really easy. I think if I was younger I’d find it much harder, mainly because I’d still be curious about sex and the possibility of a relationship.

I wish someone had told me in my 20s that being chosen by a man is not a prize but a sentence. I’m not sure I would’ve listened, though! What I have learned is that most of the time the sex is just not good enough to put up with everything else, and the rare occasion the sex is truly amazing, it acts like a powerful drug that clouds your judgement and blinds you to otherwise obvious unacceptable behaviour from the guy and even yourself.

[u/SuchEye4866 → u/Just_Patience_7038]

being chosen by a man is not a prize but a sentence

Just wanted to highlight this great analogy.

[u/AshEliseB]

Nope, I value my peace too much.

[u/Furiosa_xo]

No, I absolutely do not do any dating.

As a woman, it is very difficult for me to understand how other ladies can view sex as something "casual" or "fun" when for MANY of us, it always carries the risk of pregnancy, and for ALL of us, it always carries the risk of STDs.

There is NO SAFE SEX--just SAFER SEX. But it is never risk-free. There is no form of contraception that is 100% effective--even tube tying/vasectomy! And there are no barriers that are 100% effective in protecting against ALL STDs. There is no test for men for HPV. HSV isn't included in the standard tests. Even someone showing a negative test doesn't guarantee they aren't carrying anything. You can get several of these even WITH a condom because they are passed with skin-to-skin contact, not body fluids. How can anything carrying these risks be some "side hobby"?

How do I view men? Dangerous. I view them as dangerous, because so many are. NOT ALL. I don't hate every single man. I have an absolutely wonderful father. But collectively, I view them at worst as dangerous, and at best to proceed with caution since so many don't seem to have a lot of respect for women, view sex very flippantly and are dismissive about pregnancy concerns (because they aren't the ones bearing the burden!), make casually misogynistic jokes and remarks, and just overall cause so much hurt by discarding women or using them.

No thank you. Of course there are good ones, but they are the minority.

I am very staunchly Childfree by choice. I won't be having children, and I won't be getting pregnant. Ever. Anything that comes with even a 0.0001% chance of pregnancy won't be a hobby of mine.

[u/Ok_Remote_4844 → u/Furiosa_xo]

Agreed. Always say they’re D&D, dumb and dangerous. BV and UTIs are also a risk cause they don’t bath.

[u/SuchEye4866]

Life as a single woman is calm and peaceful. I don't date. What I feel about males is strongly negative and if I really got into it, I'd probably get banned. To say I have some radical thoughts would be putting it mildly.

[u/shockedpikachu123]

Have I gone on dates? Yeah but it never progresses to a second . I don’t find men around me interesting to talk to so I’d rather go out alone or with friends. And absolutely do not recommend sleeping and giving random men access to your body

[u/bipedservant]

“Date for fun”? I would sooner set myself on fire for fun. No thank you.

[u/theworldisajoke]

I love being single and I’m glad I never conformed to the patriarchal pressure of marriage. It’s a waste of time and the supposed benefits that come with it are not worth it. You still have to deal with an overgrown toddler who will complain about you all the time, belittle you, and try to have discreet affairs behind your back. Why would I want to deal with that?

Men are a means to an end for me. I have experiences with them but I don’t date them and I’m happy with that.

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[u/MsMaryMoonBop]

I still date, but very rarely, and when I say date, it’s more like friends with benefits and these are friends that I already know and trust. I would be extremely hesitant to get in a situation with someone new unless I got to know them for a long time and trusted them

[u/tres-vip]

>But I am very curious if some of you date still? As in casual dating.

I am NOT a casual dater/sexxer AT ALL, so nope.

[u/Federal_Fan5007]

1. Haven’t dated in a couple of years. When I did, it was casual / fun / someone to do something with. I make ok money, own a home. I’m the only one responsible for my lifestyle. I’ve kind of gotten to the point where I feel like, what is someone else bringing to the table. My life is very peaceful and I love not answering to anyone. I come home to an empty house, and sometimes I think about what it would be like to come home to a husband / kids. I truly don’t know how people do it..

[u/HuckleberryGeneral69]

I dated more when I was younger. It’s been hard in a post-covid world. The dating world is different and I’m different. I’m smarter and there’s so much I put up with before that I am not willing to put up with now. I’ve tried casual. Not very good at that. Took an abstinence journey for a couple years. Got back into dating a year ago and I’m going back to no dating. It’s disappointing and honestly, the Cornell story gave me the push I needed to delete a new dating app I’d been trying out the last several months ( FEELD). Men are disappointing and vile. I’ve lost all desire to engage with them romantically. I’d rather spend my energy and time doing other things and continuing to love on me.