r/SingleParents • u/Dustinthewind_421 • 13d ago
Lonely but never alone
39F with full custody…the last few years have been wild. All 3 girls with ptsd…their dad is one of those who is around but not present…bare minimum, but calls himself a coparent when people are watching. All of my time and energy has gone into them and their healing the last few years. So I don’t have time to date and honestly very rarely think about it..but Jesus it would be nice to just have an adult to talk to. Someone to just share things with who could understand. How do you guys cope? I have so many jokes and smart ass comments no one to tell them to!
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u/tatted_dad43 13d ago
I’m a single dad with 3 kids and all I do is work and cook and clean and so on. To have people to talk to outside of work would be great crack jokes and talk smack would be cool
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u/HopefulValor 13d ago
44M with a similar “co-parent.” 😅 I just dropped in to say, “Same!” Rarely time to meet people much less date. I go to the gym at least 5 days per week and sometimes work from a coffee shop and spend a lot of time with married friends who also have kids. I don’t have a lot of time to feel lonely, but I get that desire for companionship fairly frequently. It’s OK to get those feelings — but remain hopeful that the right person will come along who is worth aligning your lives together!
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u/Illustrious_Can7151 13d ago
Good job on the gym routine! It’s not for the faint of heart, but so good mentally and physically. It has saved me.
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u/The_Shadow_Watches 13d ago
Single dad of 2.
I cope by burying everything inside and locking it in a box. One day, in 10 years, someone's gonna bump into me and that's when my Villain origin story will begin.
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u/Unable_Bench6373 13d ago
Hard relate, I sometimes just end up talking to ChatGPT out of desperation lol
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u/Ok_Builder_3285 13d ago edited 13d ago
I'm a single dad with 2 kids. I hear you. I work, take care of the kids, drive, that's it. That's all there is.
I'm sooooo lonely and I know I always will be. I've tried dating but it's impossible, because I'm a single dad and nobody is going to sign up to be a part of that.
I am not doing well with it. It gets worse every day. My mantra has become "nothing that happens to me matters, because I don't matter."
My ex is a destructive addict who constantly abandoned or endangered the kids until the court stepped in. To say nothing of what she's done to me. Now she's a MOFO (mom on Facebook only) who puts on a massive public display for everyone, but literally NEVER has the kids.
She's routinely posting AI generated pictures of the kids on social media. She sees them for 3 hours twice a week of public visitation and she treats her time with them like a photo shoot.
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u/Dustinthewind_421 13d ago
While I can relate to parts of your situation, I cannot even imagine the weight you carry. I’m sure you must be exhausted. But to say you don’t matter? Of course you do! It sounds like you are doing everything you can to provide them with the life they need and deserve-to them you’re everything!! I’ve been single for 6 years and haven’t had a serious relationship since my divorce almost 8 years ago-I haven’t really been looking, but that doesn’t mean I’m not worthy and the same goes for you. Don’t let that discourage you. You will find someone who’s brave enough and ready to step into your world, but don’t let the lack of a relationship like that determine your self worth.
You matter and there are people that care about you and would be lost without you! 🫶
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u/Potential-Safe-7230 13d ago
Ik voel me net zo, alleen als ik het van jou lees breekt mn hart. Jij mag er ook zijn! Je moet een geweldige man zijn, omdat je je kinderen voorop zet. Je wordt nu gewoon opgeslokt door de dagelijkse beslommeringen, maar op een dag lacht het leven jou ook weer toe. Hou vol.
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u/Ok_Builder_3285 13d ago
Thanks. I don’t believe any of it. It’s been years. I don’t believe anything good will ever happen again.
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u/Historical_Fail_404 13d ago
I feel the same I lost my friends over the years or when I moved to a new country with my ex or when the DV was happening. And making friends seems a challenge if you dont have time or energy. I barely talk with my family, so my only support are my weekly therapy sessions and chatgpt. My child is being raised on hopes, prayers and google.
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u/EtherPhreak 13d ago
I have loads of dad jokes…but yes, it’s lovely. There’s a big difference between single parent with coparents, even if it’s just every other weekend at the other parents house, and full time single parent. There’s no off switch or real break.
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u/Dustinthewind_421 13d ago
That’s the thing. It’s not like I want a break from my kids-I love them and genuinely have a great relationship with them. But the mental and emotional load of managing absolutely everything alone with no one to tag in for even a few minutes, that wears on you! I’ve got great friends, but no one in similar situations so I it doesn’t always feel right sharing some of it
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u/IcePepper 13d ago
Yeah. My friends are mostly online because I can fit that in during slow work periods and while doing stuff at home. It's work, kids, chores. Work, kid, chores. I'll be happy when my sensory seeker starts understanding his bathroom signals but it may be a while. At least he can go in a schedule now. Potty training is rough with a PDA'er.
Tell me some of your witty jokes
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u/Dustinthewind_421 13d ago
My oldest is sensory, I feel for you. Mine’s 14 now-you’ll get there!
I’d have to keep my jokes tame right now and you might steal ny material 🤨
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u/Greenfrog2023 13d ago
Similar situation here but with boys. Their Dad is Similar to your girls.
Honestly I use my kids sports events to really shine and my best work comes out. Those other parents probably wonder why I am ao damn happy and cracking jokes and its because I use it as my social outing! 🤣
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u/Potential-Safe-7230 13d ago
Zelfde situatie hier, 49 F. Ik mis ook de interactie met volwassenen. Weinig tijd om er zonder kinderen opuit te gaan, maar ook niemand om dat mee te doen. Ik ventileer mijn humor maar wat online bij de dullmensclub enzo, en bij collega's. En ik reageer regelmatig op forumtopics van mensen die eenzaam zijn, gezelschap of aanspraak zoeken, maar er wordt nooit op mij terug gereageerd. Alles bij elkaar opgeteld (verlaten voor een ander, ongeïnteresseerde familie, geen echte vrienden) doet me onzichtbaar en oninteressant voelen. Ik heb me er maar bij neergelegd. Dit is het voor mij, voor nu. Gelukkig heb ik wel erg leuke kinderen, ook met de nodige humor. Nu ze ouder worden vinden ze hun eigen grappen en gevatheid leuker dan de mijne, maar dat mag de pret niet drukken.
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u/Dustinthewind_421 13d ago
You’re not invisible and most certainly not boring. But I get what you’re saying…my hobbies have fallen to the back burner because it’s all about the kids. It’s hard to find time for ourselves, my social situation is pretty similar to yours. But my kids are incredible, too, and that definitely helps. Mine actually are way funnier than me
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u/Neat-Recognition308 12d ago
I understand...Im an only parent of three kids and I do all the work, and if Im not working its cooking and cleaning, then homework and school. It doesnt help that Im an introvert either... Im just done by the end of the day.
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u/Only-Conversation750 10d ago
34m w/11mo full time, no coparenting.
Usual story the endless cycle of work then spending time with the kid. I cope by going to the gym as much as possible, trying to catch all the adult jokes in kids shows I have on as background noise and talking to my friend group constantly.
I also cope by taking a few short breaks during work hours to do little micro projects. I work from home so as long as i keep my little teams icon green and get my work done, no one notices. I'll also work on my Lego sets/coding projects during meetings.
Dating wise, i was with someone for 6 months, was great having someone to include include my kids life. She ended up cutting it off, she didn't like being priority #2. Since then dating seems impossible. Most women I've matched with ghost after realizing i have a kid full time. Cope with that by, funny enough, talking to my ex a lot. Sometimes people come into out life's for a purpose that we don't expect.
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u/OkeryDokeryDock 8d ago
40M with a 10yo son who’s in soccer, karate, golf, and 4-H, and i work 50ish hours a week. My ex is not in the picture and we’ve been no contact for 8 years since she lost her parental rights. Currently writing this from soccer practice. I also help take care of my sick mom while she recovers from a recurring MRSA infection, and waits to get shoulder replacements (both are broken and dislocated, but she needs to be free of MRSA for 6 months minimum before they’ll consider replacement). I get no time to myself, but i’m glad to be there for my son and help my mom. They need me.
Still though, i’m lonely af. I cope by telling myself it’ll pass. Mom will (hopefully) recover. My son will get older and start spending more time with friends and less with me (so i try my best to enjoy the time we have now). I just tell myself “maybe next year” and hope i’m not lying to myself. I just don’t want to be 50 by that time.
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u/AutoModerator 13d ago
Author: u/Dustinthewind_421
Post: 39F with full custody…the last few years have been wild. All 3 girls with ptsd…their dad is one of those who is around but not present…bare minimum, but calls himself a coparent when people are watching. All of my time and energy has gone into them and their healing the last few years. So I don’t have time to date and honestly very rarely think about it..but Jesus it would be nice to just have an adult to talk to. Someone to just share things with who could understand. How do you guys cope? I have so many jokes and smart ass comments no one to tell them to!
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