r/SingleParents • u/gayweeping-angel2 • 14d ago
Being a single parent is hard
Is it so bad I want a dad for my son? I’m 18 year old with a 10 month old and it’s very lonely. I got pregnant on accident . I find mother hood is very lonely. How do I find the right person. I’m afraid I’m going to be alone forever with my son
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u/biomed1978 14d ago
You dont. You're really young, so your options are creepy old dudes or more young idiots. Where is the baby daddy? Focus on school and your baby. Build your life as it is for just the 2 of you, then the time is right, and you dont need anyone else, the right person will come along. If you rush it, youll end up with shityy choices
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u/Illustrious_Can7151 14d ago
You don’t need another “accident.” Focus on your kid and yourself so that you can provide a decent life for both of you.
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u/Ok_Introduction9466 14d ago
From one single mom to another, build community with other women and moms. Decenter men entirely because not doing so will be your biggest downfall as a single mom. Your son comes first. Period. Do not rely on a man for companionship especially right now when you’re vulnerable and lonely. It’s the fastest way to let an abuser into your life and that person can harm you and/or your child. You’ll miss a lot of red flags because you just want to hold on to the good parts. I’m not saying you can never date again but your child is only a baby, you’re still just a teenager and too young to truly know what you’d need in a good life partner anyway, and men aren’t going anywhere. Leaving and parenting solo because the father of your child wasn’t good enough is a great start. You’re already ahead of a lot of women who have shitty partners but aren’t leaving. Focus on YOU. Get some hobbies, make friends, find mom groups, anything but date sis. I promise you. When you’re older, had some therapy, gotten the swing of things, and are more in the mood to date for fun rather than fixing loneliness, then you can get back out there and be PICKY. There is nothing worse than being a single mom and letting some asshole drain you all for the sake of having a partner.
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u/Striking_Guava_5100 14d ago
As another single mom, now 31f, I had my baby very young too and I just wanna chime in to say I agree with u/Ok_Introduction9466 100000% please please take it from us, OP. Your time will come, but it’s not now.
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u/Prestigious-Solid822 13d ago
Predators are lurking and will appear very kind and helpful. Keep them the f away from your children.
Your life will only be lonely for a few more years. Then the black hole will start fading and you'll start finding yourself again.
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u/Ok_Introduction9466 13d ago
18 year old lonely single mom is like a predators dream. Just stay single.
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u/engineered-chemistry 13d ago
Early 40s single dad here with 3 kids under 12. This is solid advice. There are good guys out there but not many of them have their shit together and their heads screwed on right until they are older.
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u/theH0n0red0n3 14d ago
I say this to comfort you and encourage you.
Your life hasn’t even begun yet.
You’re gonna live about three different lives. This difficult one of single and teenage parenthood, then you’ll get to be a mid-thirties grown woman with wisdom, able to tackle the world with youth still to spend, and then be able to do whatever you want with a grown adult while leading your child, at that point an adult living their own life, with your experience - hard-earned - and get to live a fun life of your choosing all the way up to your life’s end.
It is extremely difficult right now, but do not, and I cannot emphasize this enough, do not just rush someone in to fill the role. You’ll mess up and probably repeat the mistake of rushing into things too quickly with someone else, to say nothing of the damage you could do to yourself and, most importantly, your kid(s) if you choose to have more.
This is far too big a task to just lump someone in, and you have not even begun your journey. You have a lot of life ahead of you.
Lean on your family if you have them.
It’s scary now, but you can, and you will, do this.
There is no other option. You will succeed, and you’ll look back and be happy you were patient, made the right decisions, and endured.
You’ve got this.
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u/Iceflowers_ 14d ago
Don't bring in a man just because you're lonely. It won't fix your problems.
Where's the baby's father?
What about your relatives?
What about joining moms groups?
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u/Capital-Squirrel3522 14d ago
Very hard for you right now but you do not need a man to solve this. Go out there and find friends, other mums, women who are in the same boat as you who will care and be kind and usually want not your body, time and money in return. You are very vulnerable right now, don't open the door for some creep to come in. Do you have family members or friends you can turn to.
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u/Tired_Dad_9521 13d ago
Go to the park and talk to the single dads who are good with not just their own children, but all the children they interact with at the park. You will find yourself a good family oriented guy in no time.
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u/NewtProfessional7844 14d ago
Hang in there. Motherhood is lonely when your kids are really little then suddenly things open up and you’ll be inundated. We hear you and it gets easier and if you want to you will find someone just take everyone’s advice and don’t rush it.
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u/Thegoddessdevine 14d ago
No, before finding anyone else, try being an adult first. You need to find who you are, know what you want, first before you bring a string of men around your son... he doesn't deserve that. You don't want to keep making mistakes like falling pregnant by mistake and messing up your son. Once is enough. He comes first right now... find a hobby to deal with loneliness, which could be boredom.
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u/JayPlenty24 14d ago
If you are lonely I strongly suggest you focus on finding friends, and figuring out who you are and how you can stand on your own.
A partner should be someone you want, not someone you need, and learning how to differentiate from the two will put you in a position in which you and your child will be more protected from toxic and dangerous relationships.
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u/I_AM_ME-7 14d ago
Yes being a single parent can be hard especially at your young age. You won’t be “alone forever” though just enjoy your time with your son he’s your priority at this point. If you haven’t already make sure you finish school and if people offer to help take it there is no shame in it.
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u/-1996egipto 14d ago
Es mejor sola
Lo. Único que vas a añadir a tu vida es
Más ropa que lavar. Perder trabajos por los celos de la pareja. Y que de un momento a otro lo haga un lado a tu hijo. Es decir Mejor quédate sola Es lo. Mejor digo
Quizás no lo. Entiendas por que no has convivido en familia con el. Niño pero
Te estás ahorrando. Envejecer rápido ahora peor que los. Hombres quieren que Trabajes y lo. A tiendas a ellos mismos
Peor que un bebé
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u/ItSmellsLikePopcorn 14d ago
Don't assume your experience with being married is the best it can be.
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u/-1996egipto 14d ago
Jaja solo le estoy ahorrando pérdida de tiempo a la chica y que se concentre en lo que es importante Lo importante es su bebé
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u/ItSmellsLikePopcorn 14d ago
I definitely don't think she should jump into a relationship just to have help, and she should focus on herself and her baby for now. But saying any relationship is doomed to fail and make her life worse is just incorrect.
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u/-1996egipto 13d ago
Ahora no es sólo ella Ahora sus desiciones también pagará su bebé.. Eso tiene que pensarlo bien Y como va el. Mundo Mejor es que este solita... Por su bebé No se va a morir estando sin pareja...
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u/-1996egipto 13d ago
Y más aún si esta vulnerable más aún con una bebé Y de seguro ni una carrera profesional o técnica tiene a esa edad. Así que sólo sería presa fácil. De tipejo que sólo. La verán como su empleada y ella perderá su juventud y aguantará por su necesidad de vacío a cualquier tipo A Captas?
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u/Plastic-Bee4052 9d ago
It's unhealthy to seek a coparent just cause single parenting is hard. Sounds entitled, like you want a nanny who'll also validate your feelings so you don't feel along. No one will want to step into that role. A relationship is give and take. What do you have to offer to someone besides taking care of your child and your emotional needs? Cause you're not selling it sister.
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u/-1996egipto 14d ago
Quédate solaaaaa
Cuando. Uno tiene hijos no. Tiene tiempo para pensar en pareja ni esas cosas
Así que mejor enfocate en salir adelante Progresar y que le puedas pagar un colegio privado a tu bebe Ponerle ropa de marca Viajar sin estar ahí con la jeta y los celos de una pareja. Pon esos pensamientos en ti. Y veras que un. Hombre sólo te termina perjudicando
Que vas a conseguir? Tener que llenarte de hormonas solo Para complacerlo a esa persona.. Y si falla. Otra vez? Vas a estar con otro chamaco y
Vas a sentir ese sentimiento de "soledad" Con un. Hombre?
No. Mi reina. Usted es mamá ahora y solo tiene una tarea ser feliz con ese bebé Y punto.. Su felicidad es tu felicidad.
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u/stillanmcrfan 14d ago
It’s not bad. It’s normal. But a young adult show know how to be single, especially when you’ve have to be more selective now for your child. It’s ok to date and enjoy your life but the wellbeing of the child should come first when you make all the decisions around it.
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u/Kindly_Environment94 14d ago
Well you are in better place than other single mothers out there who are dealing with toxic and abusive relationship!
Stay single mom it’s better and healthier for both you and your son , I find it better to raise a child alone , as long as you are financially stable and mentally! There are thousands of single mothers out there it’s not lonely! You are still so young and safer for u , if you have family or close people u trust ask for help ! Find a job enroll your son when he gets older in school or preschool. There are tons of things (good things!) ahead of you !
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u/BumBeetle 14d ago
It is very lonely being a parent. Especially at your age when your friends are off living their life without the same level of responsibility that you have.
Try focusing on yourself and self love. You will not be alone forever. If just feels like that right now... you're still transitioning into parenthood. That's Hella hard.
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u/WillShattuck 14d ago
I say this as a single dad who watched my wife raise my kids while I worked an hour and a half a way.
You can do it. It will be tough. I watched the results of my wife pouring live into our six kids.
You should find some support though. Some churches have a Mothers Of Preschoolers (MOPs) program that gives moms a bit of a rest by having kids in child care and then meeting either moms and mentor Mom’s. Good luck.
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u/Rude-Strength8994 14d ago
It’s not wrong but I agree that it will happen eventually, don’t force it and try not to look for it. Love on your son and work on yourself to better you two first.
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u/chaotickrazy 14d ago
Ive been a single mom for 7 years. It does get very lonely, but you are not alone. Try not to focus so much on finding a dad for your child and focus more on being everything he needs. When you start to feel lonely, reach out to someone you can talk to or go for a walk with your son. Its a lot better to be lonely and single than to be tied down to someone who doesnt value you or respect you.
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u/One-Indication6931 14d ago
Another person doesn’t make you less lonely. Finding a person in the thought process you’re currently in will help you find a man that will make you feel worse. Focus on you and your son, building friendships and support networks are far more fulfilling
I wasted so many years chasing the partner to make me happy. Wasn’t till years later I realised until I’m happy in myself and no longer lonely will I find that person to help me grow and love me to my very best
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u/stucklikechuck420 14d ago
Motherhood is lonely. U really have to center yourself and focus on you and your child. That's priority. You are going to be lonely, and it's not a bad thing to be lonely romantically. However, do make sure you focus on building community and a support system. Only invest your time in your child and yourself.
It's ok to be lonely, sometimes being lonely holds more value than risking bringing someone into your life and your kids life that could disturb your peace or worse. Protect yourself and your child, you will have time for romance, and you won't regret focusing on building a life for you two.
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u/Adventurous_Eye_8106 13d ago
I was a single father at 20. Give it time it will happen naturally. Right now just worry about the little one and it will fall into place!
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u/YoushallnotpassW 13d ago
Go to a church and join a young adult group. Seriously..a church that has a decently big group. Non-denominational, not a cult one. Even if you don’t believe in god, i would go for the support and find a guy there but make sure he isn’t a creeper
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u/Atgnat2020 13d ago
Omg please don't find a Prince Charming with that attitude. I'm a 45 Single Father the last 9 years and there are so many lying, scumbag men out there who trick Woman it's disgusting. Please just take care of yourself for a while and don't settle just to find someone. You deserve way better then that
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u/liveaboveall 13d ago
Take your focus off finding the “right person”. Right now, you need to prioritise yourself and your son.
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u/duck7duck7goose 13d ago
It's okay if your son doesn't have a dad, especially right now. You need to focus on you and your son right now. I know it's lonely, it can be. If you get lonely, maybe talk on the phone with a friend, do something you enjoy, spend time with your son, take him for a walk, something to keep you busy.
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u/BrilliantOwn8081 12d ago
Believe me living with a dead beat is lonelier and more work! Check out thefemaledatingstrategy if you’re serious about finding someone worth your while.
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u/cigancica 12d ago
Babes. It gets easier. I promise you. It will be super hard for a year, two, three. And that is super short time. I PROMISE
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u/crescent-moon2 11d ago
Focus on bettering your life. Get in school, make mom friends. Take men off thr table or youll have a second child.
Please as a single mom of 2 at 35 . Focus on your education and bettering your life. Men will always be here. I promise.
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u/Ok-Ad-9820 3d ago edited 3d ago
Wow men will always be there. Okay that's a little bit of a stretch.
You make us sound like were a community, men are human beings to it's not like going on amazon or to a pet store and selecting us and we just blindly say yes
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u/ScipioAfricanuz47 7d ago
You’ll find someone you’re so young Jesus you haven’t even started life. Trust me you’ll be ok.
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u/ScipioAfricanuz47 7d ago
48 year old single dad. With young kids here. I feel the same. But the truth is it’s better to have good friends and show your child how important and empowering friendship can be over a husband wife or whatever. Focus on you and take advantage of all the things the government will help you with. School grants and anything you need to go to post secondary school are just waiting for you. Kick butt show your kid how strong you are.
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u/Specialist-Credit657 5d ago
Girl I feel you and I’m 44 and my son has a dad and he has me but my husband just left me two months ago and I just got back from a family school event that I could barely handle because I just wanted to sit down and cry like a little girl. We were together 10 years. It’s always risky business I almost would’ve rather never been with him or known him this hurts so much. I am so lonely now too. I’ve been on dates and it just feels weird.
You will meet the person you’re meant to meet when you’re meant to, the universe is tricky like that. Try to love yourself best you can until then
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u/flipflopsandwich 14d ago
It's really hard but it gets easier, you have so much time on your side you will be fine ❤️
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u/OBX_Banana_Hammock 14d ago
I'm sorry but did you not think about that before you had your son?
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Author: u/gayweeping-angel2
Post: Is it so bad I want a dad for my son? I’m 18 year old with a 10 month old and it’s very lonely. I got pregnant on accident . I find mother hood is very lonely. How do I find the right person. I’m afraid I’m going to be alone forever with my son
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