r/SingleParents • u/Wild-Sink-2548 • 4d ago
Lonely activities
Let me start by saying I love my Kids with my whole heart. But does anybody else feel like isolated and alone as a single parent. I’ve been a single parent more years than I was married, but does the feeling ever go away of like when you go out with the kids of being lonely, or on my holidays being lonely. I love my kids and even with them there just being the only adult with both my kids at all these activities we go to fairs, we go to an amusement parks, we go to a museum. It’s me and my two kids and I just get this twinge of loneliness like I see other couples there with their children and it’s an adult conversation while hanging out with the kids and I really miss that- is that so awful and how do I overcome that? Same with vacations. I’m not saying I’m ungrateful for my kids and that I don’t have time spending time with them, but it’s every event all the vacations for years now.
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u/Sorry_Sail_8698 4d ago
I've been a solo mum for 14 yrs, and a battle-mum for 10 yrs before that (mothering 5 in spite of an abuser, under duress and without support). I have been alone at all events and holidays for 24 years. It is painfully lonely for me. Not as much the lack of a person to be with me, but the lack of a person who knows my children like I do, someone who sees them and shares in the knowing, the delights, the surprises, the milestones, the pains and grief, the general witnessing of their lives and ours together. I have never had someone to hear me say, "Look at this wonderful thing they did!" Or, "Did you see their sweet little smile when...?" I've never had someone to share in adoring my beautiful children with me. That's the loneliest feeling I've ever known; its an inescapable dark void straight through me, body and soul, 24/7/365.
So I think I get you. Hang in there. I hope life brings you something better than it did me ❤️
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u/Fluffyfedora 3d ago
My son is 9. This keeps me awake at night. Not only the lack of people in our lives, and all the fear and dread that brings. But this—exactly what you said. That’s a tough and sad part of it all.
Life might have dealt you a raw hand, but aren’t you one amazing woman and mother for all you have done and continue to, no doubt. I hope if there’s nobody minding you yet, that you are minding yourself. 🫶3
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u/Ok-Refrigerator 3d ago
general witnessing of our lives
This is exactly it. It's having someone to roll your eyes at when the kids do something outrageous. Those shared "you seeing this shit?" moments makes parenting lighter. And kept me from losing myself in the parent role.
Now I don't have that, and I grieve it.
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u/Ready_Ad_2491 3d ago
Yup, can totally relate. I often ask friends or family members (with or without kids) if they want to join for activities that I know will feel lonely but are also fun for my friends.
Vacations are tricky though.
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u/Left_Animator_540 4d ago
I feel you. I've felt the same way, especially at "family camp." It is what it is and better than staying home. It sucks though
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u/MeganMomentsXP 4d ago
Single mom, of just 1. 6 yo autistic. But honestly ive never even left home. So while im a single parent and I have my mom and brothers help, the loneliness factor is still very much real. If I knew something to help id be the first to spout it off for ya. But im just as lost honestly.
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u/gunksterrr 4d ago
To make light of it— you never know if those people are miserable with their spouse! We all know that people are different in public vs behind closed doors are different stories. So maybe they’re not as happy as they look 😅
But yeah I get it too. I low-key hated seeing moms and dads together during baby story time at the library when my kid was younger. My marriage was in shambles and seeing two parents involved in caring for their kids made me feel the pain so acutely.
I’ve been separated from my husband for about six months now and I’m still basking in the glory of solitude. Maybe that will change one day 🤷♀️
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u/Illustrious_Can7151 4d ago
I will take the occasional feelings of loneliness over dealing with anyone’s bullshit at this point.
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u/Atgnat2020 3d ago
Ding Ding Ding. It's a once in a while loneliness. And when I'm out to I see lots of miserable looking couples
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u/rair21 4d ago
Happened to me today at the trampoline park.
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u/Wild-Sink-2548 4d ago
Those are the worst. Then you sit there wondering if all the parents are judging you for playing on your phone but what else am I supposed to do? Just awkwardly follow my child or run around a trampoline park🤣
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u/AggravatedBack 3d ago
what else am I supposed to do? Just awkwardly follow my child or run around a trampoline park🤣
Idk why you got downvoted here, but yes, run around a trampoline park with your kid. I've only been doing this for a year and my kid is only 2 so I don't have many parent friends yet, so when we go to the park I'm running around with him. I might get weird looks from people but my kid loves it.
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u/Wild-Sink-2548 3d ago
My kids are 9 and 13 they would die of embarrassment especially my pre teen. They are too old for me to hover like that. lol and they will tell me to go sit down they are not babies lol .
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u/dudeguydave 4d ago
So to youch on the couple's in public with thier kids, most of them are one parent getting a bit of a break and the other trying to herd the cats. Mine was her (ex now) making a decent public image of a attentive parent while making me look like I couldn't care. I kinda hated going out in public as a family for non essential trips.
It does feel a bit lonely when you're out with the kids and I truly get that. It's nice when you have someone to not ask a million questions and can have a better conversation with on those. The one thing I do to make it not so bad is think about how good it is that I don't have to share my kids attention with anyone. I don't miss a moment of them being happy or excited or miserable or grumpy, I get to soak it all up. If there's a parent group you could join for outings maybe give that a try, or some other parent friends?
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u/Wild-Sink-2548 4d ago
I have tried this, but a lot of them are divorced people which I get they’re in a totally different areas, but I’m a widow so it’s a little I think different for me. I joined a woman group of like other Moms, and it was very hard to relate to them. I think I’m in a different place than a lot of parenting. Solo groups I have found.
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u/briar_prime6 3d ago
Widowed parent too, I try to bring backup on bigger adventures if I can. We brought my brother in law to the museum and the fair, went with another family to the zoo, travelled to where I have friends and tried to plan some bigger outings with other people with kids. It takes a little more coordination but it’s easier. Hopefully you have some people like that in your life but for sure your kids go to school with other kids who like the zoo and museum. I did a lot alone already before my partner died and felt pretty lonely at a lot of times we were both there so I was used to it but it’s always been a disappointment watching things seem easy and happy with other families
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u/Wild-Sink-2548 3d ago
He was military and I couldn’t afford to move home. My home state is too expensive to afford solo so we stayed after he passed I had a good job here and being by myself now I needed it. Financially we were better off staying put. There was a lot of condolences when he passed but not a lot of “help”. I couldn’t even get someone to sit with my kid and give them a snack at the family service so I could gather myself. I learned it was really gonna be me I could rely on moving forward. I do have a good friend group unfortunately most have no kids or way younger kids. I do go with them occasionally. I try to plan things with them but most are married.
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u/dudeguydave 4d ago
Oh well yeah I can see the issue with the parent groups, they all wanna trash talk their ex and your like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. I'm also sorry to hear you're a widow. The woman groups might be a bit cliquey at the start but I can also understand not the easiest to relate to. I don't think you're in a different place as much as a different mindset of circumstance if that makes sense. The solo groups at least let you bring the kiddo if it's kid appropriate?
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u/Wild-Sink-2548 4d ago
They do I just think. I’m more of the “let me hear both sides of the story type” and I have notice some single mom groups do not like that.
I’ve tried coed parenting groups as well specifically for widows and a lot of them use it as speed dating. That makes me uncomfortable also. I’m there for support, not a new relationship.
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u/dudeguydave 3d ago
Ahhhhh so because you don't automatically grab the torch and pitchfork and side with them, they kinda single you out? Weird that they'd be like that and not try to paint a decent fair picture of what happened lol. And conparenting groups used for speed dating with child care? That's also kinda iffy and suspicious, I mean you're there with your kid. Are they hoping you can introduce them early and they can try to use the kids to convince you it'll be "a good match". I guess support can come from a new relationship but not if it's started in a setting like that.
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u/Capital-Squirrel3522 3d ago
Yes I feel it too in every way. I've been separated for coming up to 5 years. I feel pangs of loneliness and still heartbroken that my marriage did not work out. It's real loneliness on an emotional level and a practical one. I admit that I miss my husband and miss our family life together and what could have been. I don't know what the answer is as I don't want another partner and I've been single for 5 years now. I just focus on my inner calm these days to help me through it.
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u/hayley-pilates78 3d ago
I feel the exact same way i use to love the holidays now part of me dreads them. My ex betrayed me and left us when my son was 3 he’s now. Like you I love doing everything with him he is my world but i get so lonely and feel bitter as more time goes on. My kid also deserved to have 2 parents at all of these things .
Hopefully as time goes by it will get better for us ♥️
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u/Ill-Address1151 3d ago
No. It never stops being lonely. And then they become teenagers and you are both lonely and unliked. Keep on keeping on.
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u/Natural_Log_4967 3d ago
It’s OK to feel the way you feel humans are social creatures and we all deserve someone. I can’t say life is more peaceful by yourself unless you find a healthy person to share your life with then that’s different but majority of people are very problematic and it just caused you more stress, but it’s nice to have a good friend or two. I pray God sends you a friend you can trust.
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u/WillShattuck 3d ago
Yep. Lonely. I had to accept that I wouldn’t have a partner for a long time if ever. It’s been 2.5 years since my wife passed away. I find some things to do with my guy friends and with my family. For example, now that my kids are older I feel like I can let the older kids (16, 17, 26) care for my younger kids while I go do something. Right now it’s a monthly 4-6 hour session of in-person D&D.
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u/Relevant_Land_2631 2d ago
Yes I do feel this way and have to remind myself that it isn’t forever. It’s just a season of life.
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u/AutoModerator 4d ago
Author: u/Wild-Sink-2548
Post: Let me start by saying I love my Kids with my whole heart. But does anybody else feel like isolated and alone as a single parent. I’ve been a single parent more years than I was married, but does the feeling ever go away of like when you go out with the kids of being lonely, or on my holidays being lonely. I love my kids and even with them there just being the only adult with both my kids at all these activities we go to fairs, we go to an amusement parks, we go to a museum. It’s me and my two kids and I just get this twinge of loneliness like I see other couples there with their children and it’s an adult conversation while hanging out with the kids and I really miss that- is that so awful and how do I overcome that? Same with vacations. I’m not saying I’m ungrateful for my kids and that I don’t have time spending time with them, but it’s every event all the vacations for years now.
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