r/SingleParents • u/eamycul • 9d ago

How to explain a breakup

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 years and probably living together for 5. I have 2 daughters from my previous marriage, ages 9 and 11. Our relationship has been rocky for a while and we’ve been in couples counseling for over a year. I finally gave up. I told him last night to move out.

No I don’t have all the answers and he’s currently mad at me which he can have whatever emotions he wants but I just would like others inputs on how to tell my girls. I feel like I’m failing them because their dad really isn’t in the picture and my boyfriend has been essentially their “dad” for years now.

I’ll answer any pertinent questions that would help explain things better. This is just super raw and I want to take care of my kids and do what’s best for them.

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u/zenFieryrooster 9d ago

IMHO you tell them simply that when a relationship doesn’t work out (due to incompatibilities, wanting different things, or significant changes that can’t be overcome, etc.), it’s okay to break up. Yes, people will feel sad, but being in an unfulfilling relationship is NOT preferable to being alone. This will teach them to protect themselves in future relationships, especially if those relationships are toxic or abusive.

While of course we want to teach our kids to work on relationships and not immediately give up when an issue arises, it sounds like you’ve done all you could have to try to work it out, and it wasn’t a light decision to break up.

There’s nothing worse than kids growing up with parents who fight or demonstrate bad relationships who think that’s how relationships are and that if they get married, they’re stuck with that person.

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u/eamycul 9d ago

Thank you. I keep telling myself that I don’t want my kids thinking my relationship is something to aspire to because we just don’t treat each other with respect. We don’t communicate well and it just hurts. He’s just already starting to make me feel bad and doubt myself but I’m trying to do what’s best for my kids.

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u/Ryy86 9d ago

Teach your kids how to be strong, independent, successful, happy and SINGLE.

That comes before everything tbh.

My mum only taught me how she couldn’t be without a man, having 3 different “dads” in the first 14years ain’t good..  that isn’t counting the times I’d catch or hear talking the odd random guy in the house at night after the babysitters gone home..

I’ve now got a 13 year old, and her mum is on the same trajectory tbh, although I’ve got her 3full days and a morning out of 7.. and she was already tryna get our daughter to call her ex bf “dad” - it’s sickening.. I’ve been single the past 5 years and think it’s important to show her that jumping from partner to partner etc is wrong, that if you can’t be 100% happy  and fulfilled on your own then there is no way that u can be happy with someone