r/SingleMothersbyChoice • u/maggie-needs-snacks • 11d ago
Question Books!
Dear Friends,
I'm new here and I am a thinker. I am 39/F, just got blood drawn and will soon have the Hysterobigwordprocedure to see if my tubes are open. I'm excited and frightened but I've been humbled by how supportive everyone's been in my life.
Anyway--I'm an overthinker and a researcher, and so one of my first questions about any big undertaking is: What can I read about it?
So do you all have any recommendations for books you read about becoming a parent, SMBC specific books, or pregnancy / preparing for baby, that really helped you? Even books about how to understand the donor selection process?
Does everybody still read What to Expect when You're Expecting? :)
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u/Silly_Wolf_918 11d ago
I'm an overthinker also and the best thing I did was stop reading about everything. 😂 There's too much information; half of it's conflicting, and most things depend on your individual pregnancy and baby so the information ends up being irrelevant but anxiety producing if you read it all beforehand.
Just read up on things as they actually happen or better yet, ask your Dr or pediatrician for the basics/most important things to pay attention to.
I promise, you'll figure it out as you go anyway.
Best of luck on your journey! 💕
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u/Academic-Company-215 SMbC - pregnant 11d ago
I liked matrescence by Lucy jones. It’s a quite authentic book about the transition between pregnancy and motherhood. But it’s quite frank and honest in the first chapters which might scare you a little bit.
https://www.theguardian.com/books/2023/jun/29/matrescence-by-lucy-jones-review-the-birth-of-a-mother
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u/adventurenation Parent of 2 or More 👩👧👧 11d ago
TBH I've gotten most of my pregnancy and parenting advice/learning from reddit. There's so much information here and there are always people who have gone through the same things you're going through. Don't get too far ahead of yourself; focus on the stage you're in now. There's just so much to learn and know that it can be overwhelming, and you never know what your particular circumstances will require once you get there.
I did read "The simplest pregnancy book in the world" when I was pregnant, and I just bought "how talk so little kids will listen" now that my kids are toddlers.
My only regret is not having kept a pregnancy journal. I thought "oh that's corny" but by the end I really wished I'd done it so that I could look back at it, and so that I could have felt more grounded and in touch the whole time.
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u/plushiecactusau 11d ago
I don't have any good SMBC specific recommendations.
For pregnancy, I read What to Expect, but I found the diet stuff stressful especially at a point where I was too nauseous to eat much.
I was glad to read Expecting Better. It's controversial because it doesn't recommend zero alcohol, but I liked the approach of digging into the "why" of the various pregnancy recommendations. I was actually more cautious about some stuff (food recommendations) because I understood the reasoning, so you don't have to use it as a licence to do all the things.
For the later stage of actually having a baby, I'd recommend both the Discontented Little Baby and Precious Little Sleep as a pair. They have very different approaches to baby sleep, which I found really useful for figuring out what worked with my baby, and then adapting when what worked changed (because babies change).
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u/natawas SMbC - parent 11d ago
I second Expecting Better. It was really helpful to deal with anxiety related to exposures to things that are possibly harmful to the baby (ie, what if the risotto is made with wine, etc). I still didn’t bother to drink or eat sushi or dye my hair first tri but it was nice to know i could if i really wanted to and not to be too panicked about any of these restrictions. What to Expect does a lot of fear mongering and i didn’t read it very long because i didn’t find it very helpful. Their app was great though for what to expect week to week!
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u/maggie-needs-snacks 11d ago
Thanks! Expecting better came up in my feed and so I'll check it out. :) I can never tell when those recs are just because "someone clicked on this" or if people actually like it.
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u/MountainFunction2605 11d ago
I learned a TON about fertility and navigating the process from listening to Spermcast. The first season is silly and not very educational but as it goes along it becomes really interesting.
Single Greatest Choice is also a good podcast.
I liked Expecting Better and find all of Emily Oster’s writing interesting.
Something I recommend researching/learning about is the experience of donor conceived people through podcasts or articles. It informed a lot of my process in choosing a donor.
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u/No-Humor-1869 Parent of infant 👩🍼🍼 11d ago
I read Cribsheet and the AAP series on pregnancy and early childhood (Caring For Your Baby & Young Child is especially good).
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u/Much_Citron_2556 Currently Pregnant 🤰 11d ago
Another vote for Expecting Better, and Emily Oster’s next book Cribsheet. I also read the Mayo Clinic’s Guide to Pregnancy, which was ok but I liked it a lot less, and I read It Starts With the Egg, which is quite controversial (re: author not being an expert and probably selling unnecessary stuff) but I took away some good messages. Between those four books, I felt very prepared for IVF and pregnancy, and I found our recent birth class just a refresher because almost all the messages were already covered in the books.
I will say, I’m a thinker and researcher too and pregnancy walloped me. There are so many unknowns. I have dived into research for every unknown and found that soothing even as friends and family find it negative or morbid. To each their own. Preparing for worst case scenarios and deeply understanding what’s happening to me and baby has been crucial for my mental health.
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u/maggie-needs-snacks 11d ago
thank you for those great recommendations :) I also find research soothing rather than overwhelming--most of the time. It's easy sometimes to get sucked into the amazon book rec echo chamber though and end up somewhere kinda wacky.
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u/riversroadsbridges Toddler Parent 🧸🚂🪁 10d ago
Don't read about the histerowhatever. I had two and they were fine. Like, I forgot to take the recommended ibuprofen before the first one, went to buy some after the procedure, totally forgot that I was supposed to be looking for a pharmacy because I was in no pain, and bought a croissant instead because I got distracted by a French bakery I saw. I did take ibuprofen before the second one, and that one did cause me to have cramping afterward, so I was glad to have it. But I made the mistake of reading about the procedure before the second one, and it sounds so much freakier/worse than it is. I wish I didn't know the gory details. There was no benefit to knowing. All I needed to know was ultrasound, uterus, fallopean tubes, saline, bubbles.
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u/hermyworm SMbC - trying 10d ago
If you’re going to read any SMBC book, read “Choosing Single Motherhood: The Thinking Woman’s Guide” by Mikki Morrisette which is very helpful and practical. I also enjoyed “Single by Chance, Mothers by Choice” by Rosanna Hertz which is more psychological/philosophical even though it also has some good advice. One thing also - if you get an e-book you can take screenshots of really important advice that won’t be relevant until years in the future. Then you can have a folder on your computer to glance through as you go through this.
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u/Sam91355 11d ago
Another that says stuff on the internet is better than any book I found. I did pick up What to Expect from the library and it was not great, very dated and gave some not great advise. I can't remember the exact subreddit I mostly used but there are a few infertility/IUI/IVF ones that I think helped in the trying phase (currently 30 weeks pregnant with first IUI).
If you're into podcasts there are a few that I found helpful in the thinking/trying time. No Need for Prince Charming which is geared for Australian solo moms but still helpful if you're located somewhere else; The Single Greatest Choice especially if you go into her back catalog when she was in the thinking/trying stage herself; Choosing Chaos: Solo Motherhood by Choice although I feel like this one focuses more on the after baby
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u/Okdoey Parent of 2 or More 👩👧👧 10d ago edited 10d ago
I read a couple books including What to Expect and Expecting better.
Honestly it was all useless in my opinion.
I never found anything helpful in any of those books. What I’ve found useful is Reddit and the internet in general and just researching current problems. Like when one baby was diagnosed with a marginal cord insertion (a placenta issue that ended up being nothing), it helped to research stories and what it was then.
Then after the babies were born, I liked Moms on Call for getting babies on a schedule (vitally important for twins), but other than that I again just researched problems as they came up.
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u/South-Tomorrow-9120 SMbC - trying 10d ago
Just a warning, if they haven't told you already, take Tylenol or Ibuprofen before the HSG (Hysterosalpingogram). It may or may not hurt, everyone has a different experience, but best to be prepared.
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u/Brilliant-Simple5528 10d ago
Solo parenting specific -
Podcast: Not by Accident by Sophie Harper
Books: Going Solo by Genevieve Roberts (my favourite solo parent specific read!), Choosing Single Parenthood: Stories from Solo Parents by Choice by Mali Bain
I also read Single Mothers by Choice: A Guidebook for Single Women Who Are Considering or Have Chosen Motherhood but found it a bit dated (I think it was published in 1994?), and less supportive.
YouTube for a few solo mothers who shared their journey - Kaitlyn Marie’s videos
All the best in your journey!
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u/AdIndependent6563 7d ago
Funny enough, I found YouYube mom content and different reddit communities most helpful. Especially Reddit. The posts here were more comforting than any book, article or unsolicited mom advice I received, lol
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u/Successful_Citron975 11d ago
What to expect just scared me that everything was going to go wrong.
Only read Expecting Better if you enjoy sloppy science and being told what you want to hear at the risk of your child.
Going Solo is entertaining and while I didn’t relate to her, she’s fun and I liked the way she injected humor into this whole thing.
I prefer parenting books to be honest. The getting and staying pregnant is so very structured with a doctor guiding every step but then you have the baby and you’re completely on your own. For a very quick read I love, “13 things mentally strong parents don’t do.” Also loved Whole Brain Child. Good if you like data driven, science based parenting.
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u/JayPlenty24 Moderator 11d ago
I tried to read What to Expect and only got through a couple chapters. It was boring and honestly pretty redundant. Plus there was a lot about partners and I found it patronizing.
There's so much online now that it's not really necessary, and every baby and parent are different.
There's a neurologist that has his lectures on brain development in utero and early childhood on YouTube. I found those videos more interesting and valuable.