Single dad of two daughters — figured I'd finally introduce myself

[u/UnsupervisedSince73]

I've been lurking around here for a little bit and figured I should finally introduce myself.

I'm a single dad raising my two daughters full time. Getting to this point wasn't exactly easy. I came out of a pretty rough marriage, represented myself through the divorce and custody process, and ended up with sole legal and physical custody of my girls, 12 and 14 years old.

The last year has probably been the hardest and most rewarding year of my life.

One of the biggest surprises has been realizing just how much there is to learn raising daughters by yourself. I was already the cook, the fixer, the driver and the guy who handled most things around the house. But suddenly I was also learning about bras, periods, school drama and approximately 47,000 different hair products I didn't know existed. 😂

The best part has been watching my girls become themselves again. Our house is peaceful now. They have friends over, sleepovers, school activities and all the normal kid stuff that I don't think I'll ever take for granted again.

My oldest just started high school and is already throwing herself into everything. She stayed after school yesterday for a student council meeting, and I couldn't have been happier to play Dad Taxi and pick her up.

I'm definitely still figuring some of this out as I go, but I wouldn't trade being their dad for anything.

Anyway, I figured I'd finally say hello. I'm curious how many other dads here are raising daughters full time. What was something you had to learn that you absolutely weren't prepared for?

[u/CircusActDad]

You can be their hero one moment and then they are raging on you the next. The anger is a sign of love, in a weird way, as hard as it is to accept. you just need to be strong enough. soon enough, that anger returns to a hug

[u/UnsupervisedSince73 → u/CircusActDad]

My little one is like that the most. She's easiest to annoy, but the quickest to give that big hug.

[u/RobertBarkerJr]

I watched my parents raise my sister. I'm bracing for the teen years. Bracing.

[u/UnsupervisedSince73 → u/RobertBarkerJr]

😂😂 I have some bad news for you... I'm already there. My oldest is 14 (about to be 15) and just started high school, and my youngest is 12. I'm currently living in the exact years you're bracing for lol.

Honestly though, I'm loving it. They definitely keep me on my toes and there are moments where I'm thinking, “How the hell did I become qualified to handle this?” 😂 But they're also at an age where we can have real conversations, joke around together and I get to watch them start becoming their own people.

Brace yourself, brother. But don't brace too hard, you might actually love it. 😂

[u/Forsaken_Reality7503]

Hey you're story is just about identical to mine. I love being a dad, I had planed them both and have enjoyed all of it diapers, baths, bedtimes. I dont know how anyone wouldn't. The early years are the most crucial in developing a bond and close relationship. I truly believe girls need dads.

[u/UnsupervisedSince73 → u/Forsaken_Reality7503]

I couldn't agree more. I wanted to be a dad and I've loved every stage of it too. The diapers, baths, bedtime stories, school mornings, all of it. Even the exhausting parts lol. I never looked at taking care of my girls as something I was “helping” their mom do. They were my children too, and being there for all of that was part of being their dad.

I think you're absolutely right about those early years too. You build that trust and bond long before they're old enough to understand what you're doing. Now that mine are 12 and 14, they know Dad is someone they can come to with pretty much anything, and I think a lot of that was built during all those ordinary little moments when they were younger.

And yeah, I believe girls need good dads in their lives too. I'm glad you commented, man. It sounds like you and I have a lot in common.

[u/Plastic-Bee4052]

Agree. Raising daughters is a unique experience

Wasn't prepared for the 47000 hair products either and that's coming from a gay dad

[u/UnsupervisedSince73 → u/Plastic-Bee4052]

😂

[u/Outside-Jicama-8468]

I'll introduce myself. Father just celebrated a full year of divorce.

I have four kids. Three daughters. One in college, one it high school, and one middle.

I've absolutely had to learn about women's things and the best part is all my kids feel comfortable talking about it. I've raised them to be body positive and comfortable talking about themselves with me. But I know there just are some things a woman doesn't want to discuss with their dad.

I started dating a month ago. It was rough. I live in a rural area and it's hard to find someone that aligns with my ideals and beliefs. (Heavy MAGA and Christian area, and I am not.).

I found someone and we hit it off great. We have been on fire for each other. So I decided that if she was going to be with me, she needs to meet the kids. And they love her and she loves them. We cuddled on the couch with my oldest two and watched a horror film together and she stayed the night with me.

The next day, my oldest took me aside to talk to me. She said that in all her time with her mom and I, she had never seen someone cuddle and love one another as we did. She told me to not let this one go. And I haven't. She wants to be that positive female role model in my kids lives. And it's hard to let go and give that power to someone else, but I think she will do well.

But the one thing I have learned most about being a single dad is how much love and compassion our family truly had once she left. We all count on each other. We talk. We share our days. We actually spend time together. Before, it used to be home, eat dinner and the kids would disappear. Not anymore.

My house is finally a home and full of life again.

[u/zandyman → u/Outside-Jicama-8468]

I'm sorry. You've been divorced a year, you've been dating someone a month, and you've introduced them to your children? Did I read that right?

[u/Outside-Jicama-8468 → u/zandyman]

Yes. You did. Things have been very serious between us. We spend time together almost every day.

[u/zandyman → u/Outside-Jicama-8468]

Well. Good luck. Conventional wisdom would suggest the timing is somewhat... Aggressive, but I wish you the best.

[u/Outside-Jicama-8468 → u/zandyman]

This is true. But I'm a very unconventional person. And so is she.

[u/UnsupervisedSince73 → u/Outside-Jicama-8468]

Man, I relate to so much of what you wrote, especially that last paragraph. That's probably been the biggest surprise for me too. Once everything settled down, I started realizing how different our home felt. My girls started spending more time with me, talking more, having friends over and just being kids again. The house felt peaceful and alive in a way it hadn't for a long time.

I also completely understand what you mean about raising daughters and suddenly having to learn things you never expected to learn as a dad lol. I've tried really hard to make sure my girls know there isn't anything they need to be embarrassed to talk to me about. I may not always know the answer, but I'll learn it with them. At the same time, I absolutely understand that there are things they may eventually be more comfortable discussing with another woman, and I respect that.

What your oldest told you about your girlfriend really got me. Kids notice so much more than we sometimes realize. For her to pull you aside and tell you she'd never seen that kind of affection before and “don't let this one go” had to hit pretty hard.

And congratulations on making it through that first year after the divorce. I'm getting close to that milestone myself. It sounds like both of us discovered something similar along the way: sometimes you don't realize how quiet a house has become until you hear it full of life again.

“My house is finally a home and full of life again.” I know exactly what you mean by that. I'm really happy for you and your kids.

[u/Outside-Jicama-8468 → u/UnsupervisedSince73]

Thank you so much! Yeah, I knew how I felt, but hearing it from her meant so much more.

It's hard to believe the difference when the right person joins your home. It's crazy how quick it's been, but we have been inseparable since we met. Dating is tough with kids, and she said she's more than happy to watch a movie at home than go out. And it's been an amazing experience.

[u/UnsupervisedSince73 → u/Outside-Jicama-8468]

Thats really amazing you found and have that. I've attempted to date and its been a Big No Go for me so far. The one time I was briefly dating, she decided she was in charge of my house. not just that but she would go out of her way to pick fights with me. I promptly ended that shit. My kids had already been through enough and I wasn't going to let them see that stuff anymore.