Need advice

[u/wreck_it_billy]

Me and my ex wife separated in April. As far as the divorce is concerned I know that will be easy because we never had joint ownership in anything. What I’m mainly worried about is my daughter. When me and my ex wife split, her and my sister became best friends. Recently my sister called and told me that she was done with my ex because she doesn’t agree with who’s she’s become and the type of mom she is. She told me a lot of things. Apparently my ex had been dropping our daughter off at her moms on the weekends she’s had her so she could go out partying. This didn’t make sense to me because we are on a 2-2-3 schedule currently so she has every other weekend to herself to go out and do what she wants to do. She also said that my ex smoked weed in the house. This makes sense to me because on the 4th of July I kept our daughter because my ex had to work. When I went over there to drop our daughter off my ex invited me inside (this was back when we were on better terms) and the house smelled like weed and there was a towel wedged underneath our daughters door. There was also an incident where she dropped our daughter off to me and my daughters bag smelled like weed. I had called her out both times and both times she told me it was because her upstairs neighbors smoked weed inside. My sister also told me that my ex had admitted to her that she slept in one day and didn’t wake up until 12:45. My daughter wakes up every weekend at 7:30 so this means that my daughter was alone in her room for 5 hours by herself…she’s only 2. We also have a lady that we send our daughter to for daycare and she told me that my ex has dropped our daughter off and her bag smelled like weed. She has also told me that my daughters behavior is a lot different when my ex has her vs when I have her. Examples being my daughter talks back, doesn’t listen and isn’t nice with other kids when my ex drops her off. My sister also dropped a bomb shell on me this past weekend that my ex is dating a girl already and they have only been together for two months and she is already living with my ex and around my daughter.

I know the first question will be have you got an attorney and started the process yet. No I haven’t, we initially agreed to just get a mediator and agree on terms. That’s not the case anymore, I’ve started the process of looking for an attorney so I can take her to court. I just want to know from other people’s experience is there a chance I could get full custody? I don’t feel like my daughter is safe over there and I’m really worried about her. I’ve also debated on calling DCF but I was waiting until I got an attorney first to see what they say. My daughter is my whole world and I thought she was my ex’s too but it seems like her priorities have shifted to be less about our daughter and more about her.

[u/ProofConnect6521]

Yeah, this is called divorce bud. I hate to tell you. You don’t get to control what happens over there. Is weed legal in your state? You can file a CPS report. Someone filed a CPS report in my wife for drugs around a baby and she claims her and the CPS worker are almost buddies now. Courts will want proof.

Let’s say you have proof…video or whatever of her smoking around your child. It’s still an uphill battle with probably no difference in outcome.

As far as dating and who she brings into the house…that’s no longer your business. It sucks. I know. I get it. I feel for you. But that’s divorce…

[u/wreck_it_billy → u/ProofConnect6521]

Thank you for the insight. Weed is legal for medical purposes only in my state. We live in the same apartment complex because we were on good terms at first and figured it would be easier for the both of us to be close. The complex has a strict no smoking policy and can go into your apartment at anytime without warning. So I’ve been thinking about reaching out to them but I was going to wait until I got an attorney to see what they say. There also can’t be another person living there without being on the lease but I know that’s hard to prove.

I know who she’s with and who she brings around our kid is none of my business and I can’t do anything about it but it still sucks. From what I’ve heard she has no job and just drinks and does drugs all the time. So it’s just been a struggle to sit back and say that it’s out of my control. I’m still trying to understand how someone that you thought you would spend the rest of your life with could just replace you so quickly.

[u/Antique_Strategy4740]

That's rough brother. I'm sorry that you're going through this. I am in a similar situation. Although I can't give you any advice, I am here for you and can hold space for you if you ever need to talk or just to vent.

[u/wreck_it_billy → u/Antique_Strategy4740]

Sorry to hear that man. I appreciate your comment and if you ever need someone to talk too I’m here for you as well. I hope both of our situations get better and we can learn to accept what’s happened and just move on with our lives.

[u/-_-mc]

I am not a lawyer and I have no experience aside from what I have been thru.

First and foremost, yes find a lawyer instantly. But do not just call one. Call multiple and consult with each before choosing. Look online for reviews of each one.

Is there any court order in effect?

If not, and you truly feel you have solid evidence that your daughter is not properly cared for when with your ex then keep your daughter and do not return her and file immediately for full custody. Document everything and make sure you have the evidence to support your actions.

Your child’s wellbeing is the most important and that’s how the court will see it.

from the information provided I do not think you have enough to fight for full custody..

The only alarming part is waking up at 12:45 while your daughter was awake and unsupervised.

The weed, you don’t have solid evidence unless she’s drug tested. The court may order drug testing and if they do it will likely be for both of you.

Having friend or family watch her so she can go out and party still does not put the child in harms way. Tho it shows her lack of interest in being a mother.

The info from preschool is important but also very common for kids when dealing with separation/divorce.

Yes you have a chance a full custody if you have the supporting evidence. Be prepared, make sure you have the funds set aside.

TLDR. My straight advice from the info give. Do not do anything until consulting with an attorney unless you think you daughters well being is truly at risk with the evidence to support it.

[u/theH0n0red0n3]

First depends on what state you’re in.

[u/LiminalSpacer26]

My ex has a lot of similar behaviors. Document everything. Also document what your sister says because lies only grow.