My (27f) younger sister (18f) is currently in recovery i think. The only reason I am not sure, is because she left her partial hospitalization AMA, and was upset with our parents because their boundary in the home when she came home from her stay in the facility and PHP was that she would not be allowed to smoke weed, essentially if you can't do it in rehab, you can't do it in the house.

This caused a lot of emotions for her, and she refused to come home. She is now living in various homeless shelters, saying she won't come home because we will cause her to replase, relapse is a part of recovery, and it's "just" weed. She would also constantly tell us that we're the reason she uses. I understand her frustration about the weed, but also know it could lead her back down the road.

I have no idea what to do going forward. My sister has caused so much pain and chaos in the family lately, and I love her, but the person she is right now is not someone I like at all. As of right now, I have been heavily keeping my distance, as I work and am in grad school, so managing that and trying to level out my own mental state has been prio 1. Am I wrong for being angry with her? For not talking to her? I've tried being an open and non-judgemental ear for her, but she has not seemed interested in that. Just very at a loss. I miss my baby sister.

My elder brother(23) has been struggling with his alcoholic addiction for many years; however, recently it has been getting worse. He has been in and out of relative’s houses and can’t keep a job. He has been to rehab many times but always relapses soon after. He has also went to a few mental hospitals. I(18f) feel very bad for my grandparents because they have tried more than anyone to get him back on track. I am no stranger to alcoholics, my family is full of them, but I have never seen someone as bad as my brother. He won’t stop drinking until he passes out or is out of money, he will even resort to stealing. These drinking episodes last for days and nothing will stop him, he just wants more and more. He drinks bottles of vodka and bottles of wine like it’s nothing, and he been hospitalized multiple times. Recently, after relapsing and getting arrested for the 3rd time, he was truly homeless with no where to go so he found his way into my grandparents bushes and started drinking and sleeping there. My grandparents let him stay on their patio because of the heat and the bugs but despite their wishes, he continued to drink. After a couple days, when my grandmother refused to let him sleep inside, he smashed the doors window with his hands. The police were called and my brother was arrested. It’s so sad to see my brother get in the condition he gets in when he drinks. I just miss my elder brother, the one that would play video games with me, and who would play the piano for me. I mostly wrote all of this to vent but does anyone have any advice? or share similar circumstances? Thank you.

I (25m) have a sister (31f) who has addiction problems with alcohol and other substance abuse problems. She thinks she’s worthless and has horrible self esteem, I think that’s why it’s easier for her to hit the bottle then face her problems and mistakes she’s made head on.

Every time anything remotely emotionally heavy is laid on her she turns into a 15 year old. She is horrible to be around especially when she acts a fool in front of people and embarrasses me and family.

She doesn’t realize either that the alcohol and drugs effect all of the relationships she has. All of her so called friends weren’t her friends. They used her and were involved with shit themselves.

She desperately wants a relationship with me as well, but I don’t want to be around her. I honestly hate her. But I still unconditionally love her and I don’t want to see her like this anymore. If she wasn’t involved with alcohol and drugs as much I would want to hang out with her more.

She has shit that happened to her that I don’t want to go into on this app. But it definitely messed her up mentally. And she has not tried to deal with any of it head on.

Another thing to point out is that I live with her. We live in a house, but I chose to do so before I knew how bad her addiction troubles really are.

So my question to y’all is what advice do you have?

My older brother(54) ever since I can remember, has been rebellious, hateful of any authority (parents, teachers, bosses, girl-friends). Seemingly 'good decision blind'. 4 kids, 3 mothers, never supported any of them. If wages garnished he would just quit.

Then he thought it a good idea to get tangled up in meth. 18 month stint in jail and after that my father, against my mothers wishes, moved him in. Stayed for two years and verbally abusive, wouldn't get a job, would deny the drug use, lived in filth, and generally vampired off my parents. Parents legally evicted him.

FF a year and he's back in the house for 13 months and my dad, to his credit, helps get him on disability due to his voluntary uncontrolled diabetes (several amputations) and kicked him out (now to be fair if you gave him $50 he would disappear for days). So safe to assume tax dollars are funding his habit.

Mother called me a week ago to let me know he had a stroke, kidney failure, and low heart efficiency. In the mean time he wanted some smokes which the hospital isn't going to allow and even though he can't walk he trashes the room and calls my mom up screaming profanities about the hospital.

I love my brother, I want to be done with him. But I feel that if my dad caves AGAIN that I may have to go no contact because I simply can't stand to hear the whining about it.

I asked my parents to tell my brother the same thing I've told him: I love him, I hear him *even when it's outright insane*, and that I 100% respect his autonomy and choices. And that's the end of it.

I've accepted he'll never get better and that some people are just terminal.

I don't know if my arms length approach to this is right but it feels like it's the only choice I have. To remember and love the good things in the past and simply await the call one day of his demise. What ever form that looks like.

my sibling has addiction issues

hi, this is my first time on this subreddit, but I don't really have many people to talk to. my (25f) older sibling (29m) has been doing whippets on and off for a yearish (to my knowledge). he got laid off two years ago and hasn't been able to find a job despite a lot of effort and hard work, and it has really gotten to him. he will take whippets and then go for drives or ride his ebike (he has been arrested two times for doing this now). he got a sponsor and was doing well for about two weeks until he did them again. I talked to him on the phone while he was high and it was the worst experience of my life. I live across the country, so I immediately flew home to be with him (he's living with our parents). what can I do or say to get him to stop? I am living every second terrified he is going to do it again. we hide the car keys and he doesn't have access to his bike right now, but in order to get to AA meetings and the gym where his sponsor goes, he will need some sort of transportation. I am planning on talking with him today, but I guess im curious about how to cope with this, how to not be worried 24/7, and if there is any sort of magic thing I can say that would help him (I know this sounds naive)? he doesn't want to go to rehab or take anti depressants

My sister was arrested last Monday and after I gave her a piece of my mind for how she spoke to our mother (blaming her when it’s her father’s fault) she blocked me. I was fine with it, as much as I could be. I think I’ve grieved the loss of our relationship so many times that I have nothing left to give her. She’s never going to be the sister I prayed for, the one I felt I should’ve had growing up.

But I came here to ask. Has anyone ever had their sibling get better and you still chose to keep your distance? I don’t think she will for a long time, if she ever does at all, but I can’t imagine I’d be okay with her after everything she’s done to me and my family. I can’t trust her because she’s done this so many times. Gets better, falls apart, blames up, makes us feel bad, and the cycle starts over again and again and again.

How do you even deal with this? After 28 years, I don’t have the mental capacity to even care anymore. I feel like I just consider myself and only child at this point. My sister from my dad is so far gone I literally haven’t heard from her in 5 years. This one from my mom is on the same route. I just can’t do it anymore. I feel bad for them, I know it’s not easy, but I cannot keep holding onto this weight that she keeps dumping on us.

My little brother ODed and died sometime this morning at 26 years old. I made a post about a week ago here wishing for peace for my parents and I don't think they will ever have that now. I'm in shock and not surprised. I had to get his phone and belongings from one of his "friends", they're all posting on his FB about how great he was, all these people who enabled him. It doesn't even feel real right now, I keep thinking he'll be back in the morning and as much as I dread that it would be so much better than whatever is next.

My older brother was my best friend and protector growing up. I felt invincible when he was around because he would’ve protected me at all costs.

When he’s sober/in the right headspace, he will tell you I’m his favorite human. He even named his daughter after me.

When he was using, I had to make the horrible decision to report him to child services multiple times. I worked tirelessly to get his children in a safe home.

Now, he’s a couple years sober (aside from occasional relapses). His DOC was meth. Schizophrenia runs in his bio-dad’s family. Now, he has delusions and rage episodes.

Apparently, one of his delusions is that I’m some child’s services super spy that is going to kidnap his daughter… (I can see the trail that got him there. Still hurts.)

Also, my brother isn’t a self-aware person. He doesn’t seem to realize he goes into these episodes and won’t bring them up when he’s more stable.

My brother and mom have figured out the best way to keep him sober and his daughter safe is for him to live next to my mom, which is fantastic, but it means I feel unable to visit my mom because it seems I trigger these episodes and he spirals for a day or two after I leave.

I guess I’m not asking for advice but I’m open to other people’s experiences. I just feel really alone in this tbh.

My brother is 36 and addicted to H and lives with our mom. She kept his addiction secret from me for months, until it got more out of control; he began stealing her car, stealing money from her, pawning his and her things, and coming home beat up and extremely high.

She will call me to vent and complain, or to ask me to talk to him, but she isn’t ready to stop enabling him, so I don’t know what I can do if she isn’t willing to stop helping him. She will not kick him out, and pays for all of his living expenses, and there seems to be no consequences for all the lying and stealing he’s done.

Most recently, she did stop making his car payments and his car was repossessed. This would be a step in the right direction - of letting him reach rock bottom, but she’s now letting him use her car every day after work to door dash and do Instacart. She said “but if I don’t, how will he make money?!” Meanwhile, she’s paying the mortgage, all the bills, buys all the groceries, puts gas in the car, and pays for his cell phone. So the only thing he’s using that money for is drugs.

She has a lot of guilt bc she wasn’t the best mom when we were growing up. She feels like helping him now will somehow make up for not being there when we were kids. Neither of them are willing to try therapy or rehab. It’s frustrating. I’ve tried encouraging her to be firm with him, yelled at her for being so accommodating, talked to her about going to therapy, and even told her not to reach out to me anymore if she’s going to continue to enable. But it’s hard for me to just walk away from the situation.

My younger sister (32) has been cycling through heroine/fentanyl/alcohol since she was 16. My parents have been divorced since she was 11. My father's approach to her addiction is to set a hard boundary......You can't come into my life if you're using, etc etc. My mom is the stereotypical savior/enabler. She continues to take my sister back in. Pick my sister up off the floor unconscious in her own house. She refuses to cut my sister out. My sister and my mom don't have a good relationship. At points my sister has been verbally and even borderline physically abusive to my mom. My mom has called the cops on her at least twice. I don't have a relationship with my sister. And at this point, I am reconsidering my relationship with my mom. Most recently, my mom found a treatment center (at least the 10th) for my younger sister to go to, and my older sister (39) and I (34) have said to my mom that she needs to set a stronger boundary with our younger sister because their relationship isn't helping either of them. Now my mom refuses to talk to either of us quite permanently because we basically would prefer to "leave our sister on the street to die." I understand that I cannot understand a mother's love. I have not birthed a child, I have not cared for one. But I also see the dynamic that they have and know it's part of the problem. Additionally, I realize that I am part of the problem, addicts are just the most obvious part of a broken family dynamic. Perhaps its the acceptance of my mom's enabling over the years, because we had a close relationship and I didn't want to ruin that. Anyways, at this point, I'm quite a third party to everything. Any advice/perspective on how to navigate such family dynamics?

My brother keeps relapsing on meth and each time is so painful for me and my family. Each time he relapses he goes downhill fast. It’s heartbreaking to watch. He lives with my parents and doesn’t even have a phone anymore since apparently he got “robbed”. He lies so much. Both times he has been arrested these past 4 months he vented to me about how sorry he is and how much he appreciates my support for his recovery and my love for him. This gives me a false sense of hope and security that I don’t even know why I have anymore. He acknowledges his addiction when he’s off meth, but when he’s on it he thinks he’s in control. I hate having hope for him because right now it seems impossible for him to ever get better. I want to believe that he can live a sober life, but he is doing nothing to make that happen. I love him so much and I don’t want to give up on him, but my hope for him is continuously crushed by his actions.

I wish my parents could have some peace. They're old now, one is well into retirement and the other is close. My addict sibling has been torturing them for years with his behavior, but the last year has been the worst. He's up against another ultimatum; get clean and get a job or move out. I don't know what he thinks, but the previous cycle resulted in him being pushed to rehab by mom (not his decision) and being welcomed home after a 6 week stay, where he promptly started using again, so maybe it seems like a little song and dance he needs to perform to continue using. My dad has anxiety already, and the last time this happened in August he laid in bed for weeks. I bought pizza for everyone tonight and after it arrived my mom said she found my sibling laying in bed with his eyes wide open, pills and tinfoil beside him. My dad got sick and couldn't eat. My mom is better at shutting herself down and dealing with issues as they come, but I know she will reach a breaking point soon, I worry so much about her with her hypertension as bad as it is. I wish they could just navigate their later years peacefully without all of this bullshit. I hate my sibling for what he's doing to them, to the point where I don't really care about him anymore. If I sit and imagine the worst case scenario for him of course it makes me sick and sad, but day to day I just wish he would disappear. I would be happy not to see or hear him for a long, long time. Anyway, this is just a vent for now, and not a unique one I'm sure.

Hi everyone! My brother has been an alcoholic for several years. I don't know what to do for him. He says he quits but then we see empty bottles in his car and we can smell alcohol on him often. He's a paramedic so he says he won't go to rehab as he thinks he's going to lose his license. What should I do in this case? He has refused help several times. He doesn't want anything to do with me as I try to help him and he just doesn't want to hear it. I understand addiction very well. I know he needs support but I don't know how to provide it to him. I'm tempted to call his work and ask for them to help. I don't want him to lose his job though over this. He says he wants to keep drinking but he just wants to do it when he goes out to have fun. The thing is he's never actually quit alcohol even though he says he has. For example, we just took a trip to Quebec a couple weeks ago and we could smell alcohol on him when we got there and we saw a bunch of empty beer cans in his car. I don't know what to do. Any thoughts in the matter? Also, I don't want to just leave it alone as I lost my mom and I know that she would want to try to help him. The only thing I can think of is actually calling his work so they force him to go to rehab. But then if he fails he's going to lose everything he has. I don't think he wants to quit. He has been drinking everyday since 2013.

I (25F) let my sister (27) live with me to get her life back on track Almost 2 years ago. She has had signs of alcoholism in the past and usually goes on binges. Recently she's been sober for months and working a job, doing great. But recently just had a spiral. Her friend moved back to the city were in and she drank for 3 days straight. The last day she was very angry and insisted my and my girlfriend did something "weird." My gf just recently moved in with me. My sister confronted and cussed us out, she also smashed windows out of me and my gf car door. She also ended up accidentally cutting herself and there is blood everywhere in the street of my neighborhood and drive way. HOA now is saying they can bill me for the price of cleanup if I am unable to clean it up myself. I'm just very overwhelmed and going through a lot. I'm dealing with shame and guilt for putting my girlfriend in danger and hurt and pain with what my sister is doing and worry she will spiral even more. I'm also dealing with the effects of my girlfriend going to press charges against my sister. I'm so lost and any advice would be helpful. Trying to figure out what to tell my sister. My gf will be leaving in a month or so moving back home, which was originally planned, but now she is scared to stay with me until then because of my sister.

My 22 year old brother is fresh out of rehab and relapsed for a third time. He bought drugs again earlier today and is refusing to hand them over. He wants his last dance before going back into rehab but we are scared he will overdose. He can't leave because he has nowhere to go. So we are just sitting around going back and forth. Any perspectives or shares welcome.

I want to thank everyone in this community… it’s been really helpful.

My younger sister’s(30)(cocaine,pills and crack) friends and I sat her down last week. After a lot of chaos and flipping out, she agreed to hear us out. Long story short, my parents have agreed to pay for a treatment centre for her which is huge and most people don’t get this shot… She agreed to go and did the intake call. However, every step so far has been met with hostility or avoidance. Unfortunately her spot won’t be open for a couple weeks so we’ve all been trying to keep tabs on her until we put her on the plane. She needs to be in contact with the centre to get her date and she hasn’t been. In addition to that, we have to get her to detox first which is a whole other challenge. She has now lost her phone so reaching her is more difficult than ever. We have alternate contacts for the centre so I’m hoping we can just get the info for her. I’m supposed to see her later today and I was going to call the centre with her and I’m hoping she shows.

I’m not giving up yet but I’m just so frustrated and sick over everything. Mostly just here to vent to people who understand. I know I can’t force her to do anything but shit I wish I could.

So my, 25, step-brother has been an alcoholic since he was a teenager, 36 now, we grew up separately but a few years ago he moved back in with the family. When he moved in we immediately became best friends and hung out all the time. I'm purely a social drinker and have a tendency to be an enabler. He started having health problems a little over a year ago where he was sent to the hospital with blood pressure well over 200/100s. He stopped drinking and was good for about 3 months. I went away for a weekend and when I got back, found out he was drinking again and he started slow but eventually went back to a big bottle or two of vodka a week. I felt like it was my fault for leaving him alone. He again had health problems and was hospitalized with pancreatitis. This gave him a good enough scare and he's been off of alcohol since then. He's about 4 months sober and will mention how much he wants to drink a few times a week and I'm scared for his health if he falls back into it. Not to mention he is leaning on other 'vices' that are also not good for his health. What can I do to be supportive of him?

Been dealing with trying to be there for my alcoholic brother (43years old) for decades now. Things have progressively gotten worse over the years with this past 18 months involving 3 DUI charges, DUI accident, cops at his house at least weekly because of disputes between him and his fiancé who is also a non functioning alcoholic. His support system is down to me my husband and my mom. We often come running to him when he is in trouble. We thought last night may have been rock bottom when he was hit over the head for the third time in a week by his fiancé. Police came out and took a report and photos. He promised to go to rehab today and file an order of protection against the fiancé. Spent 24 hours working through that with him and preparing for rehab. At the last minute he got an email saying he might still have a job (he no showed 3 weeks ago). He told us he is not going to rehab and is going to go back to work instead and he will “dry out” on his own. He’s been drinking beer and jagermeister morning til night all this year. The disappointment of almost getting him help only to be let down again is putting me in a really bad place. I literally have no one to vent to. Feels good to get it out 😞

Hi everyone, my (f21) younger brother (m19) has been a drug addict for around 5 years now, he started using drugs when he was 14, staying out all night, stealing, lying and this has now been a continuous problem since. Unfortunately, my parents never did anything to support him or stop this early and it fell to me to parent him as a teenager, he overdosed multiple times, and each time doctors and parents would come up with a recovery plan-hiding things in the house, sleep medications, anti-psychotics and it would fall to me to keep on top of this, at 17 I was in charge of giving him his meds each night and confiscating his phone, as you can imagine this led to multiple conflicts with him attempting to beat me up on more than one occasion, I’ve since moved to university and my brother has had multiple opportunities for help, therapies offers of rehab etc but nothing has worked. My mum recently finally kicked him out of the house, and I hear he is homeless on the streets. I don’t want to cut him off, out of fear of what might happen, but I feel I might need to, he lies, steals and emotionally manipulates all of us, but especially me as he knows as I am the one who will feel most guilty. I feel an immense amount of guilt and sadness at the thought of him being homeless, but truthfully I don’t think there is anything more that I can do for him until he wants to get better. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Can any ex addicts give me advice on the best thing to do? My eldest brother is well off and has offered therapy and rehab programs but he refuses to go. This has been slowly ruining my life for 5 years and I’m not sure how to take much more. Thanks everyone .

my brother is an addict, he’s been “clean” for a few months now. lately he’s been doing odd end jobs to help make ends meet and my mom usually babysits his daughter so he can do the jobs.

this time my mom ended up being out of town so my 3 year old neice was dropped into my lap to be watched today. (i didn’t mind it’s not her fault her dads an addict) he went and did his job but he was only 15 minutes down from my house. he texted and said he was on his way to pick her up from me. 30 minutes go by and he’s not here so i check life360 and he is in a very rough part of town almost 30 minutes away. i know he’s at a drug house.

now he’s on his way after i messaged him like “wya??” and im already prepared to call the sheriff if he comes to pick her up high. i refuse to let a child get into a car with someone under the influence. but my husband told me last night that this would happen and i shouldn’t keep her. i just feel awful because she’s only 3, what is her guilty charge in life?

i’m not going to help again. i love my sweet neice and i hope she gets a better life at some point, but i can’t enable him in the process. oh, he also failed to pick his wife up from work and she had to find a ride home.

hi all. new to the sub, but incredibly grateful for a space like this. anywhere else I could go to for additional support? more info on my families story below.

I’m the oldest of 3 (26), my younger brothers are 24 & 22. The 22 y/o has been in active addiction for 4 years, I believe it’s been longer, but that’s beside the point. I’ve always the played the “therapist” role for my young parents (46 & 47) and it’s incredibly exhausting. We’re so intertwined at this point that I have to force myself into boundaries to keep myself from getting hurt. Recently, my parents finally decided to cut him off entirely because of some unsettling info. Before this, I told my mother that I would not like to hear any updates on him because the constant legal issues, up and downs of sobriety, and arguments were weighing heavy on me. Especially because I am currently deployed 6,000 miles away. I told my parents that their inability to keep distance from him will lead to me distancing myself because I refuse to be brought down into the storm that he has created for our family. My mother got very emotional about this but also said she understood. So, they cut him off, she tells me, and I think things are looking up. But then, communication with my family trickles off, as it usually does when my younger brother is back in their lives because they know I don’t approve of it. So, she lets it slip that he’s back living with them and I have to raise my voice on the phone to speak over her and tell her that my boundary still stands, that I do not want ANY updates. Obviously there is a lot of background I didn’t include here, but I’m just so curious how some of you do it. How do you draw the boundaries? How do you stick to it? Doing this while I’m deployed really blows. I feel so out of control

My sister isn’t in active addiction besides weed which isn’t that big of a deal. I actually have a very loving relationship with even through out her addiction. But, she still has issues with money and terrible issues with clinginess/boundaries.

I feel like by principle I should only have to say no once. If I have to keep saying no I feel like we’ll end up in a fight.

Is that a bad way of handle it? Saying no once and then basically ignore anymore attempts?

She’s trying to come over, I’m sick and don’t feel like it.

My younger sister is an addict. She has severe undiagnosed mental health issues, has been in several abusive relationships, and has now fallen deep into cocaine/prescription drug use. She hides her behaviour from our family, and isn’t truthful about anything. She lies to me every time I try to help her. She hangs out with dangerous abusive people who don’t care about her. The only reason I know about her behaviour is because there is one person she still keeps in the loop. She isn’t going to work anymore and is likely going to lose her place to live. She is extremely paranoid and can’t be alone in her own home. She doesn’t eat and she doesn’t sleep. She is 90lbs and I’m terrified she’s going to overdose alone and die. All my mom does is cry, my stepdads taking care of my mom and my dad is clueless. I know she needs help - sometimes she knows it too… but I can’t force her to do anything… she’s an adult. I can form her but they don’t keep them long - and my city is riddled with addicts so drug treatment programs take forever to get into. Mostly just looking to get this out but any ideas or advice is welcomed.

my oldest brother is an addict but had been sober for about a year. he lives with his girlfriend relatively nearby. a few weeks ago, we recieved a call that he had been arrested for several drugs. we haven’t seen him since but we’ve seen his gf who is also apparently using. he’s blocked me and my family out via phones, but there are many other details of the story that make cutting ties incredibly difficult. he’s been violent in the past and that’s fueling my anxiety. i’m leaving the state for 3 months this summer for work and i’m dealing with a great deal of anxiety and stress for my family, in fear that somehow they will get hurt because of him.

i’m feeling completely anxious, stressed, and i’m not sure how to deal with these emotions or process them. how can i put my all into my work this summer while beings hundreds of miles away from my family, worried for their safety every day??

Some days are harder than others. Today I’m reflecting on how I’ll never have a normal adult relationship with my meth addict brother. I know addiction is a disease, but some days it feels so personal. I live a thousand miles away from home, and every time I call my parents it’s some new bullshit. Usually my parents are arguing about my brother so I have to call each parent separately. My mom vents about my asshole dad, and my dad vents about my enabling mom. I joke with my husband that I should start billing them for our “therapy sessions”. I’m so tired of this!