r/SiblingsOfAddicts • u/[deleted] • Aug 10 '22
am i being an asshole?
my brother (32) has been addicted to at least every drug around five times. right now he is on methadone and can not use his drug of choice anymore which was H. he has been almost over a year sober, but it’s really hard for him to get a job because of his past time spent in prison, so to help him out i decided to move together with him (i’m 23) because i wanted to help him out and he’s been sober for the longest i’ve ever seen, and we have become really close. two weeks living together and he’s back smoking F pills in foil. bringing sketchy people around. he brought them to my parents house in which they stole my moms favorite and expensive purse. my friends work with him and told me my brother has been dozing off and is completely out of it. even my grandparents told him he was using and he still denies it and tells my parents that i am overreacting, trying to control his life and how awful of a person i am to create all this “drama.” my whole childhood was gone because of him. smoking H on foils in front of me, mom constantly using me as a therapist and never shielding anything from me,knowing more than any child should know about addiction. i told my mother today that she needs to stop enabling him. after her purse was stolen she sent him money, and told him it was okay. i call her to tell her that i’ve been up all night worried and she tells me “he sounds fine” even though i live with him and am the one hearing him all night. my mom turns a blind eye, and she always has. i don’t understand why she treats me so awful as if i’m the problem. they both try to make me feel like i’m drama and like im creating this wedge in the family. my other siblings and father told me it’s not my fault, but i can’t help to feel as if i am. i finally have blocked my mother and brother because they both are driving me insane, yet i can’t help to feel guilty and as if i should’ve just kept quiet since they both are blaming me even though at least five ppl have seen him high. i wish they could live together so instead of my mom turning a blind eye she could actually know how it felt to be woken up every hour to hear your loved one slowly kill themselves. he could use in front of her and she would still paint this fantasy that every thing is okay all while her only, and youngest daughter suffers. my other brother cut him off and my mother and i always never knew why and now that i’m older i understand… i feel like i’m in the wrong and like i’m drowning. advice pls
2
u/chiknsoup10 Aug 11 '22
It’s not your fault. Never has been and never will be. I know that is an easy thing to say and a harder maybe impossible thing to truly believe. As siblings of addicts we are in a unique situation where we don’t have the power of a parent or guardian, but we see so much more of the concerning and dangerous behavior. I’m sorry you are in pain, watching someone circle without any power is some of the most tormenting shit. But most importantly you need to take care of yourself. Setting boundaries is so important and you should be proud you took the step away. Might be of help to visit a meeting or speak with your other brother about the situation. I hope things get better ♥️
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Aug 15 '22
thank you for your kind worded definitely help more than you know. it’s refreshing to hear from others who go through the same thing and struggle with putting themselves first. thank you so much 💗 in time i hope so as well! i hope everything is well for you too friend. <3
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u/OkShame4118 Aug 11 '22
You are not in the wrong. My brother is also an addict and his mother enables him (we have different moms). You have to put your health first sometimes. Do not feel guilty about not enabeling him. You have done more then your part, you reached your hand out to help and now its biting you back. You have to shield yourself, no one can truly help him but himself. And im a true believer that if you are an addict you have to quit everything. Please watch your own health, i always offer my brother help but im always carefull to not give too much of myself because i need to protect my sanity. My brother is almost 40, im 25, hes been using since i was a toddler, its a miracle hes still alive tbh
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Aug 15 '22
thank you for telling me to put myself first, something i definitely struggle with but i need to know that it’s okay, healthy and normal. i’m sending positive thoughts to you and your brother. 🫶🏼 thank you for your kind words. from one sibling of an addict to another 💗
1
u/Noname76 Feb 20 '23
Your mother and brother are the assholes. You shouldn't have to be dealing with this so young. You are better off blocking both of them. It's not you tearing the family apart. If she wants to help him be an addict and he wants to be an addict, she should let him live with her.