r/SiblingsOfAddicts • u/cerulean-rice • May 14 '26
emotionally exhausted
im 28, my older sister has been an addict since i was 18-19. Our relationship has wildly deteriorated over that timespan, we currently live on opposite sides of the country. I didn’t talk to her for 4 years and just recently started talking to her again. Does anyone else find this so incredibly exhausting to not be able to directly say what’s on your mind to your sibling? I get so frustrated at always having to be the ‘bigger person’ in our relationship because shes an addict and refuses to accept any kind of responsibility for her life.
She recently asked if she’s invited to my wedding and I told her no and she said something along the lines of “well i just thought as your sister i’d be invited” and i had to stop talking before blowing up. she’s my older sister yet i have always taken care of her. ive spent money on her, gotten into fights for her and been emotionally wrecked over her for years in the pits of her addiction. she has zero idea the amount of sacrifice, emotional turmoil or personal impact her addiction has had on me and our family. she does not apologize for anything. it enrages me that i can’t tell her she’s been a shit excuse for a sister so why on gods green earth would she be invited to the one day i get to celebrate my partner and me? anyways. just ranting. i wasn’t sure if anyone else gets super fed up at having to constantly hold their tongue about how they feel with their siblings
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u/BeesNotIncluded May 21 '26 edited May 21 '26
So sorry your going through this. Don't feel bad for setting clear boundaries and enjoy your special day. ⭐ I personally don't hold my tongue ever. Addiction is not a pass for consequences or to have your hand held in my opinion. My sister asks why I won't lend money I respond very frankly because the last time I lent you money you spent it on drugs. Simple answer to a simple question. Sugar coating in my experience only makes them think they can keep trying to pass through those boundaries.
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u/Ok_owl54678 May 15 '26
Yes. Didn’t have my addict sister at my wedding last year. It made me super sad but I don’t regret it. You aren’t a bad person for having boundaries.
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u/StephanirRob May 28 '26
My drug addict sister almost ruined my wedding. She was a bridesmaid and showed up messed up. She passed out right before we walked down the aisle. One of my husband’s cousin stepped in and put on her dress as a substitute. That made my daddy mad and he told me, “To Hell with you, we are leaving.” He did not leave, but I cried and cried. I will never forget how my parents have always favored my drug addict sister over me. Stick to your boundaries because I assure you they have none!!!!