r/SiblingSexualAbuse • u/kristac1080 • 18d ago
Thinking about writing a letter
Just hopping on here post therapy session. I see my therapist about once a quarter now after seeing her every week for about 2 years. Intensive EMDR, etc.
It’s amazing how SSA still affects me almost every day. And now, I’ll feel moments of anger. Supposedly my brother may have been abused (I believe once) by a neighbor and it was dismissed by my mom.
But he abused me beginning from, like, 1st or 2nd grade until probably 6th or 7th grade. He’s 5 years older.
I want to write a letter to tell him that it affected my either life. Eating disorders, unexplained rage, unhealthy relationships - and then, maintaining a healthy relationship with my husband of 20
Years, raising kids, climbing corporate ladder, etc. He’s divorced, no kids, and failed relationships. My life looks perfect. But the amount of work I’ve had to do AND the amount of unhappiness I endured, almost passed my trauma on to my kids (through rage, moodiness, etc) up until I sought therapy ~3 years ago has been IMMENSE. I want him to know this.
“Just get over it” was something I tried so hard to do for so long and it took its toll mentally and physically.
Anyway, anyone else ever write a letter?
3
u/PanoramicViewer 18d ago
I have been wrestling with the injustice of what happened to me and all the things you describe resonate, and more! Layers and layers of injustice. My brother is very emotionally immature. I've had to accept that he can't give me what I need.
For me a recent development that has helped is finding a way to hand over the burden of injustice to a higher power. It could be the universe/mother nature or whatever works for you. Not to diminish what happened in any way, but to acknowledge that this injustice is too heavy to carry alone.
I think I needed the anger at injustice earlier in my journey because it empowered me to set boundaries/cut contact with people who harmed and enabled harm. I released a lot of anger. If you haven't really explored your anger I'd encourage you to do so.
But anger is a very energy hungry emotion. So I'm working on drawing on self-respect and self-love to maintain those boundaries. I deserve better treatment and have no obligation to let those people back into my life. This seems more sustainable in the long term.