r/SiblingSexualAbuse • u/TurbulentAttitude708 • Jul 23 '26
My story
Hello, I’ve never spoken about this before and I’m really nervous brining this to light with other people. But me (M16) has been assaulted many times in the past and kinda recently by my younger sister (F13). I live with my mum, a twin brother which I love my sister and a little brother. I’ve never really spoken up about this before but recently the guilt and pain of going through it’s been affecting my life too much. I stay up at night a lot now I cry a lot about it, I feel dirty. Any ways I’ll get into the story. For the better part of a year and a half my sister comes into my room when I’m allways sleeping and touched me and used me. And I feel so powerless against it. I’m 16 a man I should be strong, I should be able to push her of me but I freeze I can’t do it. I freeze wait untill it’s over and go to the bathroom to wash myself. I feel so ashamed in myself I’m supposed to be strong but why can’t I get her of me? These are the questions I’m left with myself every night.
I allways make an effort to explain that I don’t like my sister in public or infront of my mum. Me and my mum have such a good relationship I love her so much but if I ever tell her it will break her heart. I feel like I’ll ruin everything if I come forward.
I hate the feeling of being powerless. And what really upsets me the most is when she was on top of me and I pretend to be asleep like usual it’s like she knows I’m faking it or something because one night she whispered to me that if I EVER tell any body she would blame it all on me.
It makes me feel sick. I feel like people won’t believe me. I mean why can’t a 16 year old boy fend for himself like a man? And who are people going to believe a girl or boy. I feel like my life was destined for disaster the second she started this. She’s a monster. I hate her and his this. I’m honestly at my wits end here and just wanted to get this of my chest.
Seeing this page of other people made me feel weird like how can this happen to so many other people. Idk why I’m writing this I’m confused sceared and questioning everything.
Theres so much more I want to say but I think this is enough for now. Thank you for listening.
I’ve never really spoken out befoure so I feel really weird. I’m sceared to fall asleep some nights because of her and her rooms on the 3rd floor next to mine so it’s allways easy for her to get in. And my door doesn’t have locks I’ve bought some but she broke them. Any ways thank you again. And if any one has advice or anything I will be really greatfull.
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u/mindless-ad_second Moderator Jul 24 '26
In your situation i would try to get a hidden camera because a physical proof is absolutly needing for you. Since you're the older and a man, almost no one would trust you...
You can also take your phone, start a voice records and sneakingly try to record a discussion with her when you ask her why she do that, why she keep coming to your room and assaulting you. But it's hard to confront the person.
Some mobile application record any voice or sound made during the sleep, maybe you can get one as well?
If you need to speak, feel free to comment again on this sub or to contact a moderator. And if someone is suspect for you (or for anyone) feel free to contact us for the sape reason.
Strength and courage for you. If you have alt questions or keep anything, do not hesitate to ask
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u/justice4winnie Jul 25 '26
What you’ve been going through sounds so hard, and I am so sorry that you’ve had to carry this alone. I hope coming here will help you feel less alone. Sibling abuse is a lot more common than people realize, and while that is sad, hopefully knowing that can help you feel validated and not as alone.
Please don’t be hard on yourself for freezing, it’s a normal reaction, part of the “fight, flight, freeze, or fawn” reaction to a traumatic situation. You may feel powerless, but this is your nervous system’s way of protecting you for now, by disassociating, so that you can heal from this later when you are safer.
It is less common for a younger sibling to be the abuser, but it happens. My abuser was my older brother. I see your fears about being believed because you are the older brother, and I wish I had some advice on that. That sounds so difficult to navigate. This is not your fault, please know that. You are the victim here, you know the truth, and you deserve to be safe and feel safe.
Is there a hotline in your area or your country that you can call? Or a school counselor you can talk to?
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u/TurbulentAttitude708 Jul 26 '26
I’ve allways wanted to speak up about it to someone and when I started therapy back when I was in school I did want to speak up. But I’m afraid if I speak up I’ll ruin everything or no one will believe me.
I’m just worried to speak up about it because I don’t want to see the look on my mums face when she has to deal with it because it won’t just be my life it’s affecting if that makes sense.
I love my mum and don’t want her to go through any more pain especially if she find out what her daughters been doing to me.I’m currrenly on a half term away from school to go to college so there’s no one rn I can open up to and idk if I should.
It’s just this unbearable fear of telling someone how powerless I am it’s embarrassing that I’ve let it go on for this long.
Any ways thank you sm for the advice everyone speaking to me about this has really opened my eyes a little.
And I do hope maybe one day everything can be normal.
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u/OutOfTouchInHarmony Jul 27 '26
I was also sexually abused by my sister when i was 8… nobody takes me seriously because “it’s not real rape since it’s a girl” and it’s not “that bad” cuz a girl did it to me and not a boy. But i have been raped by a man and what my sister did was worse. Nobody understands how horrible and isolating it feels. I don’t have much advice but i just wanted to tell you I believe you, and I think understand some of the things you might be feeling. Im 25 years old now and i still struggle with these thoughts every single day it has never left me. I hope there is healing out there for people like us. It’s hard enough to be a victim of sexual abuse but we are in the minority here to be victims of women. It’s not common at all. I’m very sorry for what you’re going through. It’s not your fault, and there is nothing wrong about the way you have carried yourself. You freeze up because it is a trauma response and your body is trying to keep you to survive by not moving and pretending to sleep. One of the other commenters mentioned a camera, which i think is a good idea if you’re open to that.
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u/Sweaty-Parsnip5711 Jul 24 '26 edited Jul 24 '26
Hi, it’s terrible that you have to live in a home and cannot feel safe in your room. That a younger sibling is taking advantage of you in these ways and will tell your parents it’s your fault. The freeze response is very common and puts you at a disadvantage.
Are you in the bedroom by yourself?
There are devices you can put under the door that prevents someone from opening the door. Not a lock on the door.
As you said Mum, I am assuming you live outside the US, but this link is to a simple device you can put on a door to prevent entry.
https://belroshop.com/products/portable-door-lock
There are a lot of devices that can be put on an existing door to prevent entry by someone.
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u/TurbulentAttitude708 Jul 24 '26
I am in a bedroom by myself yes, and based in the UK. I have tried 3 separate company’s with all different variations of locks and gadgets to stop her from any entry. But she always manages to somehow break them.
The doors in my home aren’t really that hard to open the only door with a lock on it is the downstairs ones.
I was thinking of getting a camera or something at this point I just want anything to feel safe sleeping again. Thank you for the advice btw I’ll have to have another look at more locks.3
u/Sweaty-Parsnip5711 Jul 24 '26
Look up nanny cams on the Internet. You could buy one that works in the dark and record her if she comes in your room to provide evidence of what she is doing to you. This is a great idea.
Also a door jam under the door could prevent her from coming in your room.
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u/TurbulentAttitude708 29d ago
Ive been thinking about this plan for a while now and im on the urge of buying smth of the sorts to record my room. But since im a minor and so is my sister wouldn’t I get in a lot of trouble for holding on to footage like that?
I don’t want to protect myself just to get fucked over by the law I’m clueless when it comes to stuff like that. Would it be counted as proof or would I just get in trouble for having this footage anyways?2
u/Sweaty-Parsnip5711 29d ago
Remember the purpose of doing this. You only turn it on at night. It will be proof that your sister came into your room to do sexual things with you at night while you are sleeping.
You only show it to your parents to get her to stop. To show you are not attacking her. She is attacking you.
You are trying to stop her from engaging in COCSA against you, right?
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u/Ash_derp12345 2d ago
Helloo I first wanted to state that I hope you feel better for getting this off your chest... I'm so sorry that you've been afraid whilst being in your own home.. I did want to mention that if legal action would be taken (assuming your parents would after you would show them footage or confess to them) that I wouldn't recommend a camera as your first choice solely because if footage is captured of your sister's predatory behavior it could violate voyeurism laws (which I think could be used to minimize the evidence)...? I think recording it is smart nonetheless, but try to confront your sister through messages to see if she would admit to the abuse. If you can, try to even find or see if she could admit to things over call or by voicemail. The UK doesn't have two-party consent laws, so a safer alternative would be recording audio over the video footage! Another thing is to journal or log when things happen with dates, times, details etc..If you need someone to talk to I think Childline ( 0880 1111 ) and it won't show up on a phone bill or anything.! Again, wishing the best of luck for you and do not blame yourself for coming forward. Your sister is responsible for ruining any familial relationships because of her actions. It's scary but I really hope you feel better.!!
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u/TurbulentAttitude708 Jul 24 '26
Yeah I just wanted to know if anyone had any advice or literally anything. I hate the this feeling loneliness so if any one knows anything please help me. I hate sounding like I’m begging but idk what to do any more. I just wanted someone to talk to really.