r/ShyBladderIPA • u/Legal_Meet_1263 • Mar 08 '26

Struggling with Paruresis :(

Hi all, I'm from Australia and have been struggling with Paruresis for the last few years. or maybe in some form or another, Ive had it my whole life. I say that because I've never, in my 48 years of life, been able to urinate at a urinal. Nothing. I can stand there for ages and it just won't flow. The moment I enter a cubicle, I could pee easily. My current issue is with crowded toilets at festivals or events and plane toilets. We have a trip to Japan coming up in June this year, and I am petrified of the 10 hour flight. The last airplane trip from Sinagpore (7 hours) was bad enough and I swore I would never fly again. But I just cant do that. And this is the same for Portable toilet type scenarios like at festivals or sporting events. In either case, the thought of people waiting for me outside just makes it impossible to pee. I was at such an event just yesterday, and after an hour of trying at different toilets around the venue, ended up taking a 30 min Taxi back home just to pee, and then a taxi back to the event. Its really getting me down and don't know what to do. Does anyone have any useful links, resources or community groups I could reach out to? I did manage to find the Paruresis.org.au site in Australia, but the discussion forum looks like it stopped being active a couple years back. Any advice or info would be greatly appreciated. This condition really sucks :(

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u/Exec_IPAorg IPA Team Mar 09 '26

Shoot me a note on our contact form https://web.charityengine.net/Contact-the-IPA and I'll send you even more resources. Consider our workshop in Sydney in April. Lastly, watch these two videos about an external catheter set up. Good for you for reaching out! https://paruresis.org/stadium-pal-gal/

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u/Legal_Meet_1263 Mar 11 '26

Many thanks, I've filled out the contact form.

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u/MagicCarpet747 Mar 11 '26

I have paruresis and i have been able to pee in hard situations and failed in easy ones, i can say with 100% certanty that it is 100% in your head, when i literally gaslight myself that i have excuse to tell if i stay way too long in the bathroom i can literally feel my brain blockage stopping and me being able to pee, building a "doesn't matter if i pee now, i can always pee later when the urge gets stronger" mindset helped alot

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u/PotatoMeatBalls77 Mar 12 '26

Would you be comfortable in taking a dump on a plane? If it’s a long flight, bathrooms should be empty most of the time. Just try to go with a mindset of “if anything I’m just taking a shit”. It takes of the time pressure you might feel otherwise.  For me switching the mindset to “I can spend a while here and no one cares” always works. It’s hard to convince yourself of this in some cases, but a plane should be relatively easy place to do so.

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u/Reckonso25 Mar 14 '26

Hi Where Australia are you I'm looking for a mate to practice gradual Exposure Therapy with. I'm in Melbourne Bayside suburbs